Mistakes
by fallenangel7583
Summary: after the defeat of Naraku, a horrible mistake is made that costs both of our heros their lives...in a figurative way of speaking. Kagome thinks InuYasha is going to hell with Kikyo and makes a horrid mistake...InuYasha doesn't understand what happened. c
1. In the end

In the end 

I would like to consider this a tribute to one of my favourite bands, Linkin Park, and my all time favourite television show, InuYasha. Though it's a song fic, there is very much so a story behind it. Hope you enjoy, and I warn you of the angst and insinuated character death before hand. (life gets better, don't worry. What goes down must at some point come back up)

- a couple spoilers…those who want to see it for themselves, stop reading…or just ignore what you read. For those who do, the story picks up with the gang right after the final episode (167), with the others looking for Naraku's heart.

Chapter 1- in the End-© Linkin Park

** _It starts with…._**

InuYasha ducked under a tentacle that flew at his head and jumped over another. "Now, Kikyo!"

Kikyo, who stood a few feet behind the fighting group, lifted her bow as her arrow began to glow blue. "Naraku, you've lived too long!" She let the arrow fly towards the demon, hitting him square in the chest. InuYasha dodged another stray tentacle and smiled sadistically as he watched Naraku howl in pain. The battle had been abrupt and unplanned and this time they might just have a chance to win. It had been Kikyo, actually, who met up with the five in woods and disclosed the location of Naraku's heart. To purify his heart would defeat the demon, she had told Kagome. None of the others had been happy with Kikyo's appearance, and shocking enough, the angriest had been InuYasha. Miroku had guessed that the brash anger had something to do with how close InuYasha had been to Kagome lately; they had not left each others side in a month.

When Kikyo appeared, she tried to get between the two. After finally becoming annoyed with the same ridiculousness InuYasha had barked at her one night, casting a verbal warning of "Back off, Kikyo! I won't say it again."

At that point, the group had expected Kikyo to depart and leave them to finish the mission by herself, yet she stayed. Though, she of course, avoided talking to the hanyou or the miko but had still divulged the location of Naraku's heart. Miroku finished his thoughts of the matter with a rather bland outlook to Kagome under the cover of night, "She wants to find her eternal peace, and cannot do it without making someone go to hell with her. She wants her revenge though now she has finally realized it will not be InuYasha who will be going with her to hell. She will take a life with her though, and it's going to be Naraku."

Kikyo had led the group to the hidden temple in the middle of literal nowhere. Discussing the best option, they realized no demon could enter the temple, which left Miroku, Sango and Kagome to get the heart. Miroku and Sango volunteered for the task and against his better judgment, InuYasha allowed them to venture inside to get it. InuYasha didn't want to believe Kikyo was helping them…it pained him to know that maybe a piece of her was still left inside of the clay shell of a body she possessed. Yet when Naraku appeared outside the temple in a vengeful rage, he knew she was right. InuYasha had attacked the demon as soon as he appeared and held him at bay, giving Miroku a few extra minutes to get to the urn.

The whole mission laid on the shoulders of the lecherous monk, and all of them knew it. Sango had gone as his bodyguard…and as his friend. InuYasha knew that they belonged together, and Sango would have killed herself if something happened and she was not by his side. He knew that feeling; he felt it every time he laid eyes on Kagome. Kagome. His eyes flew across the field to see the girl fighting with an onslaught of demons, keeping them at bay with her arrows. 'That a girl,' he thought as he dodged another worthless swing from Naraku. 'Just a little longer Kagome, you can do it!' He turned in time to see an arrow fly by his head…nearly hitting him…and sticking into Naraku's side. He turned to stare at Kikyo, who was staring dead on at Naraku.

"Wench, watch where you're aiming!" He let out a deep sigh, suddenly wondering if she was trying to take them both out in one swing. Making a mental note to ask her later, he resulted to scowling. He turned back to jump over a tentacle that flew at his chest. As he flew into the air, he spotted Miroku running from the temple like the devil was on his heels. He wasn't to far from the truth. Thousands of spirits chased the slayer and the monk from the temple…spirits that InuYasha was sure were sired from Naraku. "Kagome!" He turned back to find himself face to face with an approaching tentacle. He tried to dodge it but in a last second thought, unhitched tetsusaiga and sliced through the offending limb. Another arrow whizzed by his ear as he landed on the ground and hit Naraku again, who had caught sight of the monk with his heart. "Shit! Kagome, what the fuck are you waiting for?"

Kagome heard her name and knew what that meant. Miroku had been successful. Grabbing an arrow, she turned on her heels and ran away from the demons that were everywhere. 'How are we holding all of them off?' she ran towards Miroku, stabbing any demon that got in her way with the arrow she held so tightly in her hand. Reaching his side, she threw open the urn. 'This is what we've waited for…a break in this bleak future. Can this really be it? Can we really win like this?'

Naraku turned with a thundering roar and ran towards the three. Kikyo darted in front of him and erected a barrier around the three. With a growl, he shot forth a tentacle that pierced Kikyo's stomach. "Die you insufferable wench!"

Kagome watched in horror as Kikyo took the limb through her body. Shockingly, much like the previous time he had impaled her, her body did not crumble. Turning her attention back to the task at hand, she lifted up her arrow and jammed it into the heart.

Inuyasha's eyes widened as he saw Kikyo take the fatal blow and lifted his sword. A blinding light interrupted his thought process and he vaguely heard Kagome scream, "Now InuYasha!" He raised Tetsusaiga and brought it to the ground with a screaming, "Kaze no Kizu!" Four lines of death erupted through the earth and ran towards Naraku. The beast turned and held his hand out, shooting out more tentacles at InuYasha yet the flames consumed them. Kikyo pulled away from Naraku just in time and hurled herself towards the boy who she had once loved with all her heart. He ran towards her, shielding her with his hands from the blast.

Naraku saw the flames coming towards him. With a growl, he tried to escape yet failed miserably. With an anguish filled howl, his body exploded in the angry powerful blast from the other hanyou, ending his existence.

Miroku, Sango and Kagome gasped at they watched Naraku disappear in the blast. Shielding their eyes, the barrier around them weaker then faded away. Kagome was the first to venture out and ran towards InuYasha. 'Did we really just win?'

**_One thing I don't know why,_**

**_It doesn't even matter how hard you try._**

Kagome reached InuYasha and stopped dead in her tracks. He was sitting on the ground, Kikyo's head in his lap. He gazed up at her with such sorrow in his eyes, Kagome had to try hard not to winch. They had come so far together as a team and as more…at least it was more to her. She reached out slowly and called to him, yet her voice was lost in the wind. She noticed the hole in the girl's stomach and grimaced. 'That's bad…worse then the last one. Does that mean that she's going to die…. what is InuYasha going to do? He said it himself that he doesn't care about her in those ways any more…does he still feel obligated to her?' Before she realized it, Miroku and Sango were by her side staring just as well.

InuYasha turned to stare at his three friends, emotions tearing him in five different directions. He was elated that they finally destroyed Naraku but was still apprehensive. He was relieved that it was over, yet he was pessimistic that it had truly been that easy. He felt a part of his heart breaking while he watched Kikyo struggle to breath yet felt comfort in the fact that she would soon be in peace. Slowly, he lifted Kikyo in his arms and stood slowly. "We need to get her back to Kaede's." He didn't mean for his voice to sound so distant. He stared at her and all the emotions from the past three years overwhelmed him. 'Is she still going to have to go to hell?' With a grunt, he stared at the three, "Have Kirara bring you back, I'll meet you back there."

Kagome gasped and reached out to him. 'He isn't really going to go with her, is he? Please don't let him have changed his mind! I need him with me…he promised…. he promised to protect me.' A small voice in the back of her mind mocked her as she slowly climbed onto Kirara. 'You foolish girl, he did protect you. Your job is over and Naraku is dead. The jewel will be complete. Now you can go home, like you promised, he can go to hell like he promised and you'll be alone…again.' With a gasp, she turned to face Miroku and Sango. "Wait!" She ran back towards where Naraku had been incinerated and stared around. "Where is it?" She gasped as the shining light overwhelmed her sight. Walking forward, she pulled the jewel of four souls from his remains. 'Its just about whole…my job really is almost done.' Sadly, she clenched it to her chest as she slowly turned back to her friends. She sighed as she climbed onto Kirara's back. "Lets go back."

Miroku reached out to her shoulder, trying to comfort her but fell short of it. He knew that her heart was in the process of breaking. Shaking his head slowly, he helped the girls onto Kirara's back. 'If he goes to hell with Kikyo, I swear to all that is holy I'll drag him back myself then kill him. He is meant to be with Kagome just like I am meant to be with Sango.' A small smile crept to his face as he sat down behind Sango, cautiously wrapping his arms around her waist. 'Naraku's dead…both of us have avenged what we needed to. Now what?' To his shock, Sango gently laid a hand on his and looked over her shoulder to give him a smile. 'Maybe the next path is commitment.' He grinned as Kirara took off towards the village.

**_Keep that in mind_**

_**I designed this rhyme**_

_**To explain in due time**_

_**All I know….**_

Kagome got off Kirara's back and stared out at the village. With a sigh, she watched as Miroku and Sango walked off towards the rolling green hills that lined the village. A part of her wanted to follow the pair but she knew they needed their space. If life were a fairytale then Miroku would ask Sango to marry him, the wicked witch would die and she would live happily ever after with InuYasha. 'I gave my life for these people. My teenage years…three years that I should have spent gossiping over boys like Hojo and attending school and proms and dances. I haven't even gotten my first kiss yet. I missed my entire teenage years for this.' the wind whipped her hair around her body as she wrapped her arms around herself. 'I would do it again, of course, in a heartbeat. These people are my family…. they are my friends. But now what? Where is my place when those two get married and have kids…where is my place if InuYasha goes with Kikyo? Where do I belong?' She closed her eyes as a tear streaked her face. 'I…I am in love with InuYasha, but I'm not foolish, I know he'll never return it. He's a man of his word…' Even though she wanted to hope against hope, she needed reassurance. Slowly she walked to Kaede's. Outside, Kirara had curled around a sleeping Shippo. 'Thank god we didn't take him with us. I don't know what I would have done if he was hurt.' She wandered down the dirt trail, lost in her own thoughts as she gazed to the sunset. 'Its so peaceful here…but this isn't my home. I hardly know my brother anymore. I haven't seen him grow up. My mother…. she won't be around forever and yet here I am, gallivanting around the feudal era, trying to keep a promise to fix something I broke. What if something happened to mom while I was here? What if she died and I didn't know?' She closed her eyes and counted backwards from ten very slowly, trying to get her mind back into focus. She sighed as she turned to gaze out, her eyes falling onto the silhouettes of her friends who sat next to each other a few feet away. Then the unexpected happened. Miroku turned to Sango on one knee. Kagome didn't need to see a ring; she didn't need to see Sango's expression. She watched with tear filled eyes as her friend launched herself into the houshi's arms. Kagome already knew Sango's answer. 'His Kanzana is gone. His life is secure, as is hers…for now at least. They will be happy together. Like I prophesied…'

**_Time is a valuable thing_**

_**Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings**_

_**Watch it count down till the end of the day**_

_**The clock ticks life away**_

**_It's so unreal…_**

Kagome felt the smile on her lips as she slowly walked back towards Kaede's. 'Time really has changed, hasn't it? So much has changed since I landed here. Miroku has nearly stopped with his hentia antics…Sango has learned to forgive and trust. She has a task ahead of her, lying her brother and her hatred to rest, but she'll be okay….with Miroku she'll be okay. They have always been right for each other…. whether or not they would ever have admitted it, they had to have known. Shippo…he's grown from such a small child to the grown boy I know and love. He's come so far…grown so much. He was so broken when we met him.' Reaching Kaede's she bent down and ran a hand through his red hair, but the young boy hardly noticed and if he had, he didn't stir. 'I don't want to leave him but I think he's going to be okay, whether I'm here or not. I remember his first love…his first battle. He's made me so proud.' Standing up, her eyes fell onto the hut. Inside, she knew InuYasha was with Kikyo. 'Kikyo has come a long way as well, whether I want to admit it or not. She has learned to forgive InuYasha and released him from the responsibly of her death. She actually began to live again. Yet she still yearns for him, she still wants to be with him. I wonder if Miroku was right in his assumptions for why she helped us. Is she really ready to be laid to rest? Will she go quietly…will InuYasha…' With a sigh, the silver haired demon crossed her mind. 'InuYasha. He was so belligerent when I first met him; so volatile, so untrusting, so cold. Now…so many days I want to believe he knows what he means to me. Without him, my world wouldn't exist…yet can I continue to exist like this? Can I really live my life in two places? I'll never move on…I'll never get married, have kids. Can I really live in the feudal era with him? Is he going to want me here when the jewel is completed?' She pulled the jewel from her pocket and stared at it. 'All I'm missing is the two shards out of Kouga. He won't easily give them up…but in time I'm sure he'll learn he doesn't have much of a choice.' With a hesitant sigh, she moved closer to the hut, 'I need to know what he's doing. I feel so empty without him next to me.' She moved to pull back the curtain when the voices from inside fell upon her ears. Peeking through, what she saw stopped her heart. Kikyo was sitting in front of InuYasha, her face more pale then usual. She had both of her hands on his shoulders and was whispering.

The girl gave him a sincere smile that turned Kagome's stomach in knots. "So that is your decision? Are you sure InuYasha? Once it is done, then it is so…"

InuYasha gave a shallow laugh and shrugged, "Love can make you do strange things…you know this."

Kikyo nodded and the smile that started small grew. "So, it is love then?"

InuYasha ran a hand through his hair; he looked like he was fighting with himself. With a deep breath, he slowly nodded, his eyes falling from hers. "Yes, it is. I wasn't sure at one point, with so many other distractions. But I think you've helped me come to that decision, whether you realized it or not."

Kikyo gave a painful gasp and closed her eyes, clutching her wound. Her eyes meeting his, she whispered, "I realize it." She brought a hand to his cheeks, gently stroking his skin. "As I have realized that I was always in love with you, even when you angered me so."

InuYasha seemed shocked and immediately embraced the girl. After a moment, he pulled back with a small sigh. "Look, I promised, Kikyo…" he closed his eyes and shook his head slowly, "…and you should know I am a man of my word."

Kikyo leaned in and gave him a weak hug. "What of your other promise? Does she not matter anymore to you?"

InuYasha paused and Kagome's heart broke.

**_Didn't look out below_**

_**Watch the time go**_

_**Right out the window**_

_**Trying to hold on**_

**_But didn't even know_**

_**Wasted it all just to**_

_**Watch you go**_

****Kagome let go of the curtain and slammed herself against the hut, her eyes instantly filled with tears. 'He's leaving me…he's leaving me for that cold bitch! How could I have been so stupid? How could I have actually believed he would care about me? I never mattered; I was only a jewel shard detector, just like he told Miroku.' She grabbed the jewel out of her pocket and stared at it for a long moment, watching the gentle pinks swirl around the beautiful pearl like creation. 'This small thing is the centre of our relationship…its all our relationship has mattered about.' She felt the tears sliding down her face as she walked numbly towards Shippo, lying to herself every step of the way. 'I can't do this anymore…my job is done. I am free of my responsibilities.' Bending down, she placed the jewel over Shippo's head. Kirara sat up instantly, her wide orange eyes staring at Kagome. "Oh Kirara, I've been a fool. I gave up everything for him…foolhardily enough to believe that he would do the same. Things are going to change, Kirara…I want you to make sure Shippo gives this to InuYasha. He deserves his wish, and I'm sure it will be to bring Kikyo back to life. Take care of Shippo, Kirara. Take him with you and Sango."

The fire cat took a step towards Kagome, her eyes darting between the girl and the young cub. "Please, Kirara, take care of everyone." Her eyes fell onto the hill where Sango and Miroku were. 'They will be so hurt I didn't say goodbye, but they are so happy, I don't want to impose. What could they say this time? I know his decision…its final…it's done. This is my problem, mine to handle, I have no other choice but to accept his decision and move on…just not here.' Taking a few steps backwards, she felt more tears spill down her cheeks. She wanted to run to him, she wanted to be in his arms on more time. She wanted time to reverse. 'I'd take a thousand more battles with Naraku then to have him leave me.' She felt her heart shattering into a thousand pieces as everything she had come to love, come to trust, left her. 'Is the first heartbreak supposed to hurt like this? Am I supposed to feel like I'm dying?' She wiped her face with the back of her hand and took two more steps backwards. 'I should have told him…I should have told him long ago how I felt.' With a small InuYasha like scoff, she shook her head. 'What good would it have done? It was never me he saw…like the first time I learned of them…he didn't see me when he almost kissed me, he saw her. It was always her.' With a sob, she slowly realized, 'I have no place here. I have no place at home. I…I have nothing. I gave everything to this and for what? To feel broken, to feel so utterly helpless, and to be abandoned? No, I will not just wait for it, not this time.' She whispered into the impending darkness, "Goodbye InuYasha."

**_I kept everything inside_**

_**And even though I **_

_**It all fell apart**_

_**What it meant to me**_

_**Will eventually be**_

**_A memory of a time_**

Kagome ran blindly through the woods, her tears pouring down her face. She reached the old well and paused, resting her hands on the old wood. 'I will seal the well on the other side. That way there cannot be the possibility of anyone stumbling on the secret once InuYasha is in hell.' The thought of him actually giving into Kikyo's wish burned her blood. 'Its not fair…not just for me but for him. He should be allowed to live…I want him to live! He promised to protect me…but he couldn't. He could never have protected me from himself.' More tears flowed down her cheeks as she stared into the depths of the well. 'Once I'm on the other side, I will never be able to return. Without the shards…without the jewel.' She looked out on the forest, her eyes wandering back in time. 'I was so scared when I first sat up and stared out into these unknown trees. Now its like home…. it _was_ home.' With a deep breath, she flung herself over the side of the well, vanishing into the darkness.

**_I tired so hard_**

_**And got so far**_

_**But in the end **_

**_It doesn't even matter_**

****InuYasha pulled back from Kikyo's embrace, confusion darting through his eyes. "The other girl? Who are you talking about?"

Kikyo sighed and tenderly held a hand to her chest. The wound in her stomach was spreading, and would claim her life soon enough. She muttered through a pain-ridden voice, "Me…what of your promise to me?"

InuYasha gave a small sigh as he tired to control his emotions. "Kikyo…I promised to go to hell with you when I thought I was responsible for your death. I pledged to find you peace. I still intend to help you find peace; I will not be with you though. I made a promise to protect Kagome and I intend to do so until…" he took a deep gulp, "until she dies. I will be with her until she dies. I love her Kikyo! You know this, I know you do. You're the one who taught me love; you're the one who called me out on being in love with her. Without you, I would never have realized how much I love her. Without her, I'm a primal animal…she is my humanity, she is my heart, my life…she is my soul."

Kikyo stood on shaky legs, "InuYasha, was I not also yours?"

InuYasha stood with her, wrapping an arm under her shoulders, he helped her from the hut and walked her slowly through the fields. "You were, Kikyo. Key word being were. You could never have loved me for who I was, though, and you admitted this yourself. You loved the thought of being in love with me, just like I did you. We learned together, we shared the same dreams together, but we were not meant to be together. I have chosen my path, Kikyo, and you have to accept it. I am going to be with Kagome until she dies, and then I will follow."

_**I had to fall**_

_**To lose it all**_

_**But in the end**_

**_It doesn't even matter._**

****Kikyo let out a gasp and slid to the ground, InuYasha slowly going with her. "My time is over, InuYasha. I am being pulled back to hell…my soul wants to return to its owner. If you are sure of your decision, then love her with all your heart InuYasha, make it mean something. Never let her go…not for a second. She is special, I have always known that. I see it in your eyes how much you love her, how much you long for her. Make sure you get her before it's to late." She inhaled sharply then laid her head on the ground.

InuYasha stood above her, holding her hand while the girl he once believed he loved died. He closed his eyes saying a silent prayer as the girl's body crumbled slowly, returning to the earth from which it came from. InuYasha let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes. 'She let me go…. she gave me back my freedom.' He turned back to the village, the hardest of all tasks ahead of him. 'I have to tell Kagome how I feel...I have to tell her that I am, have always been, and will always be in love with her.' He sniffed the air and froze. He sniffed again, his eyes growing wider. 'Why can't I smell her in the area?

**_One thing I don't know why _**

**_It doesn't even matter how hard you try_**

_**Keep that in mind**_

_**I designed this rhyme**_

_**To remind myself how **_

**_I tried so hard._**

InuYasha never ran so fast in his life. He skidded into the village as Sango and Miroku slowly approached the hut, hand in hand. He shook away the image, putting it aside to talk about later. "Where's Kagome?"

Miroku paused and looked at Sango who returned to glance. "She came back with us," he started slowly, "but me and Sango had stuff we needed to talk about. Have you checked with Shippo? Maybe they are drawing."

InuYasha turned on his heels, his mind starting to spin. 'I can't smell her…did she go home? That stupid wench…' A sudden thought came to him that chilled his bones. 'What if she saw Kikyo and me? If she did…' He let out a small scoff. 'No, she would have heard me telling Kikyo that I'm in love with her…. that I don't care that way about Kikyo. Why would she run home?' He approached the pup and his heart stopped. Lying in the pup's lap was the Shikon Jewel. He bent down slowly and picked it off the sleeping cub. His eyes widened as he realized what she had done. Something that resembled knives tore at his heart. 'She left me…she left the jewel and went home…that means…she doesn't intend on returning…'

Miroku approached cautiously from behind. "Is that the nearly completed jewel?" With silence as his answer, he cautiously continued, "If that is here…." He let out a surprised gasp, "InuYasha…what were you doing with Kikyo?"

InuYasha turned, clenching the jewel in his hand. He stared at it like it was poison. "I told her that I was in love with Kagome…I told her I was moving on the be with Kagome. I laid her to rest down the hill…she's gone."

Sango gasped and glared around the village, "Did Kagome go home? If she left the jewel…" Tears began to form in her eyes. "Why didn't she come see us? Why didn't she say goodbye? Why didn't she try harder to talk to us…. why didn't she say anything? Would Kagome really just take off like that? Would she really just leave like that? Its Kagome…. she would never…."

InuYasha turned from the two and ran. He ran for his life, he ran for her life…he ran for everything they had been through together. In mere seconds, he was at the well. "I'll be damned if she thinks she can just leave me here alone!" He needed her, whether or not she would ever realize it. Without her, he was nothing. He had always been in love with her, but something kept him from telling her…kept him from being with her. Whether it was Kikyo or his own fears of rejection, he had pushed her away. 'Did I really do it this time? Did I really force her to leave me?' In a slide show of memories, he mentally watched the three years they had spent together. He saw all the arguments, all the fights…he saw all the times she looked at him with such a star-crossed gaze. He saw how much she loved him. 'Did I ever show her how much I loved her? Did I ever even hint it?' He knew the answer. 'I pushed her away…I laughed at her and called her names. I pushed her aside for Kikyo. If she didn't hear us and only saw…does she think I'm going with Kikyo to hell?' His face grew into a mask of fear. 'She better not do anything stupid. She would be baka if she thinks….' He shook his head. 'I love her way too much to leave her like that. She is so foolish to think otherwise.' With a grunt, he threw himself into the well.

_**In spite of the way you were mocking me, **_

_**Acting like I was part of your property. **_

_**Remembering all the times you fought with me**_

**_I'm surprised it got so far._**

Kagome fell to her other side of the well, landing on her knees. 'Damn it InuYasha…' Fresh tears had made their way to her eyes as she stared into the stonewall. 'Why does he always have to be such a baka?' Standing, she slammed her hand into the wall, cutting herself on the stone. She ignored the stinging pain as she hit the wall again. 'Why did he do it? What did he see in death that he could not have in life? Kikyo? Did he really love her that much? Why…why did he leave me? Why did he betray me?' She hit the wall again and again, somewhere losing feeling in her hands as she pounded her anger, her frustration, and her aching away in a bloody mess on the side of the well. Screaming at the top of her lungs, she slammed her fists into the walls, "Baka! Baka InuYasha! Baka, baka, baka! InuYasha no baka!" Closing her eyes, she made a plea to any entities that existed in her time…. anyone that would listen, 'Please, stop this pain…. make it go away! Close this damned well and keep it sealed! I can't…I can't see any of them again! He left me…he abandoned me!' She hit the wall again and suddenly pink light erupted around her, forming from inside of her body. It flashed through the well like an explosion, momentarily blinding Kagome. She fell to her knees, her hands hitting the ground and seeping blood into the soil. She tried to scream but could not find her voice. She felt a sudden burst of energy inside of her. Only once had she felt that before and she hardly could recall the incident. It was right after her soul had been partially returned to her from when that witch stole it from her to bring life to Kikyo. 'Is this the rest of my soul? That means…' Tears filled her eyes as she slowly climbed out of the well, leaving a trail of blood in her wake. Landing on the top, she closed her eyes and banged her skull against its wooden edges. 'He's gone…he left me for her. She's dead as is he…' She sat there crying until no more tears would flow from her eyes…she sat there with blood on her hands that had long dried and the wounds healed. She sat there for days, not moving…dry heaving and attempting to cry for her lost love…for her lost life.

&

InuYasha jumped through the well and hit the bottom with a sickening thud. His knees buckled under him as soon as he realized he did not pass through. 'What the fuck?' He stared up to the top of the well and blinked under the dim light of dusk. 'Why didn't I pass?' He glared around the well then jumped out of it. His mind slowly began to panic against all reason. 'Maybe it screwed up…maybe.' He jumped again, once again hitting the dirt of the bottom. 'No…no this can't be.' His eyes widened in horror as he slowly began to claw at the dirt. "Where is it? Where is the time slip?" He began to dig faster and faster, his mind churning in circles. "What did she do?" 'No, I can't lose her! What is this shit? Why can't I get through? Did she…did she seal the well? Did she intentionally stop me from coming through?' A cry built up in the back of his mind as he opened his mouth and howled, "KAGOME!" Dropping onto his forearms, he laid his head on the dirt. 'Why would she abandon me? What did I do? Why….? How could she? After all this shit, she just left. She left me.' He began pounding on the dirt, his fists sinking through the muck, 'No, not like this! She can't just seal up the well and leave me! I have to wake up; this has to be a fucking nightmare! She can't have left me! I need her with me, I can't live without her!' Tears began to stream down his cheeks as he stood up. 'It has to be a mistake. Maybe I can't make the jump while I'm holding the jewel.'

He jumped to the top of the well and threw it to the side, then attempted the jump again. Over and over, he tried to jump through the well. Soon, the skin was peeling from his hands filthy with blood and dirt, his horari was covered in the vile mixture, his pants were ripped, his knees bloodied from hitting the bottom. He continued jumping, over and over. He climbed to the top and jumped to the bottom, landing on his face. He would let out a sob then do it again. Finally, he landed his last jump with a solid thud and he just laid there, his once so bright and beautiful golden eyes now so dull and lifeless. 'She left me…she shut me out of her world. She abandoned me. She never loved me…. she felt obligated to help. She walked away from it all!' He reared back and screamed at the top of his lungs. Closing his eyes, he blinked away the tears that stained his face that burned his soul. He had given up everything for her. He broke promises for her, and she just left him. As those once so beautiful orbs opened, crimson overtook the gold in a fury that no one would ever tame.

**_Things aren't the way they were before_**

**_You wouldn't even recognize me anymore_**

Kagome stood slowly, on very weary legs. Somehow she managed to walk forward, toddling like an infant who just learned to walk, and made her way to her house. She walked blindly, tripping over roots and stones. All she saw was blackness. 'I'm alone…I gave up my family here and my family there. I gave up my friends, my companions, my love…it's all gone. What's the point? Where is the knight in shining armour?' She pushed open the door to her house and stumbled in. Somehow she managed to read a note on the kitchen table. 'Kagome, gone for week to Kyoto. Hope things are well in feudal era. Love Mom.' She crumpled up the note in her hand as she trudged through the empty house. 'This is the rest of my life…I'm a ghost walking. No one remembers me….no one cares….my own mother acts as if I live a thousand miles away. I guess in a sense I have been…it must hurt her so much not to see me. I can't hurt her….I can't hurt myself anymore…'

_**Not that you knew me back then**_

_**But it all comes back to me **_

**_In the end_**

She walked into the downstairs bathroom that her grandfather used. She opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out an orange pharmacy container. Her foggy eyes read the description on the bottle. 'Pain relievers…. that is what I need. I need something to numb this pain. It hurts so badly….' She felt fresh tears stream her face as she closed the cabinet and opened the bottle. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she gasped. Her hair was so straggly, so dirty. Her eyes were bloodshot to a scary extent. Her skin under her eyes and cheeks was raw and cracked. She was filthy and her face had a thin coat of blood over it. She shook her head and grabbed the bottle of pills and opened it. Grabbing a handful of the dangerous drugs, she tossed them into her mouth and stuck her mouth then under the faucet of the sink. 'This has to numb the pain…it has to do something.' She swallowed hard, sputtering on some of the pills but finishing the mouthful. She turned slowly and made her way out of the bathroom and back into the kitchen, absently grabbing a knife on her way back out. 'I will not let him die alone with that wench.'

_**You kept everything inside**_

_**And even though I tried**_

_**It all fell apart**_

_**What it meant to me**_

_**Will eventually be **_

_**A memory of a time**_

Kagome walked in a very trance like state, not paying attention to anything around her. If she was dead to the world, then the world was dead to her. She walked back into the well house and tripped down the steps. She sat on the edge of the well, her hands shaking profusely. Somewhere from outside she thought she heard her name being called. 'No one remembers me…why would someone call out to a ghost?' She blinked away the fresh tears and brought the knife in her left hand to her right wrist. 'If I can't live with him…then I don't want to live at all. There's no point anymore, none what so ever. I lost my family back in the feudal era…I lost my love…I lost my family here, they don't know me anymore…I lost my friends here…I have nothing, I am nothing…I'm a shell of a girl who gave up her life for the betterment of man kind….for the salvation of the rest.' She sliced through the skin in a vertical line, cutting open the artery in her arm. She screamed in pain as the blood sudden began to gush from her arm. She dropped the knife and fell backwards into the well, landing in a crumpled form on the bottom.

_**I tried so hard and got so far **_

_**But in the end**_

**_It doesn't even matter_**

_**I had to fall**_

_**To lose it all**_

_**But in the end**_

**_It doesn't even matter_**

InuYasha glared about the bottom of the well, his crimson eyes sparkling in hatred and betrayal. He leapt from the well abandoning all he knew, all he cared about. He shed the sword that meant the world to him; he threw off his harori that saved his life countless times. He ran through the woods, his demon looking for something, anything to kill. His eyes focused on a village up ahead that once seemed so familiar…so welcoming. He bared his claws and fangs as he approached, his eyes settling on a group of villagers that were tending to their crops. With two slices of his hands, four men laid dead in a heap, their bodies strung about the field. He heard screams, heard shouts of people a part of him thought he knew. He rushed towards another form of a woman, a woman who looked so much like the bitch who did this to him. He aimed for her head.

_**I put my trust in you**_

_**Pushed as far as I can go**_

_**For all this **_

**_There's only one thing you should know_**

Kagome rolled over on the bottom of the well, glaring up at the roof of the shrine. Her eyes glazed over in pain and anguish as she blinked. She could feel her life sliding away but it didn't matter. She saw her love…. she saw InuYasha sitting in the Goshinkibu, she saw him smiling at her and waving. She felt his arms around her knees as she rode on his back. She smelt his hair as it whipped about her face. She felt the warmth of his arms, the safety it instilled on her. A small smile crept to her lips. 'You will not die alone.' She heard a scream but it was drown out by the sound of her heartbeat in her ears. It was too late to be saved, her soul had died with her love. 'Is this what Kikyo has felt all these years; so empty and dead? It doesn't matter…it will be done soon.'

_**I put my trust in you**_

_**Pushed as far as I can go**_

_**For all this **_

**_There's only one thing you should know_**

InuYasha swung at Sango yet missed as Miroku shoved her out of the way. The two stared horrified as their friend ripped through the people of the village, slaughtering those who he had protected for so long. InuYasha turned again, his eyes set on Sango and Miroku. He pointed a bloody claw at them then began to run in their direction. He raised his claw before a blur of white moved in front of them. He couldn't tell what exactly happened but he felt a sharp pain in his chest that stopped him in the middle of his track. His eyes fell upon the golden hilt of a sword sticking through his chest. Blood seeped from the corner of his mouth as he slowly gazed in front of him. His eyes traveled up the white clothed body until his eyes fell upon the face of his brother. Sesshoumaru seemed so shocked, his eyes wide as he glared at his brother and the fact that tokijyn was embedded in his body. Falling backwards, InuYasha crumpled on the floor. His eyes lost the crimson stain and returned to a very dead gold. "K…Kagome…" He heard his name being screamed from behind him but it didn't matter. She was gone…his Kagome was gone. Closing his eyes, he slowly gave up on life.

_**I tired so hard **_

_**And got so far**_

_**But in the end**_

**_It doesn't even matter_**

Kagome blinked once, her life sliding through her fingertips. Somewhere above her, red and white lights flashed on the walls of the shrine and she closed her eyes again. 'They are to late…I'm already dead.' She closed her eyes and stopped breathing.

_**I had to fall to lose it all**_

_**But in the end**_

**_It doesn't even matter_**

InuYasha felt someone wrap an arm under his shoulders and lift him to his feet and drag him slowly away from the scene of his rampage. He couldn't fight, he couldn't move. He had been impaled worse then this a hundred times over the past three years…but this time…it was different. There was no screaming echo's of the girl he couldn't leave…there were no comforting tears to fall on his cheeks from the love of his life, there was no one to check if he was okay. There was no one to care, no one to fight for…no reason to live. He felt his life force flickering back and forth and could feel his heart beat decreasing. 'Its too late to save me…my soul is gone… my Kagome is gone….'

Thump, thump…..thump……thump…………………………………..

Its dark, it's dark, keep reading, I promise it gets better….(just read the next chapter. Come on, you know you want to.)


	2. Crawling

-Blanket disclaimer- I do not own InuYasha nor Linkin Park. I wish I owned them both…then I could buy myself a house…in every freaking state.

Four years later 

**Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal**

The sun poured through the dimly lit room like liquid gold, illuminating everything it touched. Kissing the foot of her bed, the rays of light sleeked their way up the dark blue down comforter and fell upon the face of the sleeping angel. A loud groan echoed the empty room as the owner of the bed sat up roughly and swatted at the rays as if they were annoying pests that could be smote so easily. With a loud yawn, the girl put a hand to her head and slowly stood up. Kicking an empty bottle of Malabo out of her path, she stalked towards the other side of her room. "Too fuckin early…much too fuckin early." She reached her window, nearly tripping over the other collection of empty bottles that cluttered her floor and grabbed her black shades. Trying to pull them shut to block out the light, she stumbled forward yet caught herself on the wooden frame of her White French cut balcony doors. "Fuckin sun ruining people's mornings," she sneered as she put one hand on the glass pane and glared outside. Cars filled the Manhattan streets and people crowded the street, everyone rushing around like animals to get to work, working like ants…working like drones. 'Pathetic…absolutely pathetic.'

The girl yawned again and looked back at her bed. Her large plush canopy bed was empty. She blinked and rubbed her eyes. 'Didn't I come home with someone last night…Bobby, wasn't it?' She walked back to the bed and looked down, rubbing her eyes trying to remember. With a deep sigh, she shrugged and made a face. 'Not like it matters.' She looked to the floor and tilted her head. She picked up an empty bottle of Jack Daniels and looked it over carefully. Crinkling her nose, she sneered, "Yeah, Bobby. He drinks this shit to get wasted fast." She rolled her eyes and threw the bottle over her shoulder. Her room was a crowded wreck…bottles cluttered the floor with empty packs of cigarettes and the room itself reeked of sex…another hint towards a night companion. 'He'll call by next week…not that it matters.'

She walked to the mirror and ran a brush through her ear length cropped black hair. Sometimes when she caught her reflection, the length of her hair would shock her…she had never had short hair before. It had been more of a sporadic thing then a drunk thing she had convinced herself. She had looked in the same mirror a little over a year ago, in a drunken stupor, and saw something she didn't like; she saw her…that bitch. No matter where she went, that bitch's reflection followed her. The girl she had thought dead…the girl she wished dead…the girl she had tried to kill. She could fool her 'friends' into seeing someone else, she could fool her family into believing she had changed…she could sure as hell fool strangers and make them see the person she wanted them to see…yet when she stared into the mirror, no matter how hard she tried, Kagome Higurashi stared back and she was never going to go away…never let her forget. She wanted to see something else…see _someone_ else in the mirror. In a sheer act of desperation, she had taken scissors to her hair, cutting off a good foot before she realized what she did. She resorted, once she was sober, to going to Beguia on 45th and 6th to have them professionally chop off the rest of her hair. 'Mother would be shocked,' she thought as she turned to examine the shape of her hair in the mirror. 'No, she would be more shocked at the colour.'

The colour. The colour had been a drunken thing; there was no way around that knowledge. First, at Beguia, they had given her dark red highlights, which contrasted beautifully with her raven hair. After that, the blood red didn't do it. She added dark blue to other strands of her hair…then purple to her bangs…then some random couple strands sported neon green. Yes, it was definite; her mother would have her head if she ever saw the artwork that lived on Kagome's head. Her mother would ask why she did it…why she chopped off her beautiful silk like hair. Her answer was simple. After cutting it, when she looked in the mirror she saw to many similarities between her and Yura the hair demon; the shape was similar and the way it formed on her face…it was too similar…and when she saw Yuri, she remembered _him_ and their first battle together. 'Inu…' She stopped her line of thought immediately. Her mouth went dry at the bare thought of _him_.

**Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real**

Kagome walked into her closet and pulled out a pair of leather pants that she had bought for the clubs about three months prior. Grabbing a blood-red spaghetti strapped tank top that had black lace covering parts of it; she put it into her pile of clothes and walked out of her giant closet. Throwing them into her bathroom, she walked back to her bedroom. Her message machine was blinking…it was always blinking. Slowly she sat down on her bed and stared at the evil red flashing light of Satan. She knew what the messages would entail of, and she didn't want to hear it again. Same pattern…never changing. She sighed again, knowing she had to catch up on what was going on. With a hesitant touch, she pushed the button. The messages went in a very familiar heart wrenching order. The first was three months old…and it was her mother…as always. Kagome put her head in her hands listening to her mother's frail and worried voice. "Kagome, it's been five weeks since you've called me…I wanted to make sure everything was okay. Please honey, I know you're busy with friends and all, but if you could call me when you get this…. Kagome, I have a bill here from your credit card…I want to talk to you about it. Please call me. I love you." It always started that nice.

Then tradition followed. The next five messages were one night stands looking for another free ride. Kagome gagged listening to their pathetic pleas for her to return their calls. 'All wastes of life…all of them.' She deleted most before they got a chance to start. She didn't want to hear their voices, didn't want to remember the nights. Countless nights; countless times of trying to feel something…anything. Tapping her black polished nails on the bed, she reached into her nightstand and lit up a cigarette as the ritual continued.

After five messages from the boys, it went back to her mother. "Kagome…honey…we need to talk. Please, call me Kagome. You know it's not easy for me to get to the city to see you. Souta's leaving for school next week…he wants to see you before he starts college. Please Kagome…please call me. I miss you…I'm sorry if you're mad at me. Kagome, it's been two months… I'm still getting these bills…Kagome; you've maxed out your credit cards…we need to talk about this. Call me. I love you…I do…so does grandpa and Souta…and we miss you. If you're near Lock Haven, please call me. I want to see you. I love you…. bye."

Kagome bit down the bitter taste forming in her throat and stood slowly. She put her cigarette out in the ceramic ashtray on her nightstand. She stretched her back, then reached down and touched her toes. Staring straight ahead, she focused on a spot on the wall instead of listening to another six messages from more one-nighters. Staring at the spot, she put her hands above her head and bent backwards, executing a perfect back-walkover. 'Can't have been to smashed…not a bad hangover.' She cracked her neck after doing one more then sighed. She started deleting the messages, hardly listening to the sound of the voices until one stopped her dead.

"Kagome…its Souta. Look…you _need_ to call mom. Gramps is sick…he's _really_ sick. Doctors don't think he's going to make it. Kagome…get off your _drunken_ ass and at least pretend to give a goddamn. Shit Kagome, this is _bullshit_! Mom has been paying off _your_ fuckin credit cards…your fucking _maxed out_ credit cards. Kagome…you have over five thousand dollars of _alcohol_ on these things. What the hell is _wrong_ with you? Call mom…_now_! We care about you, Sis, but you know what, you need to help yourself. There's rehab Kagome…there's always hope. Look, I might have been too young when you came back from the feudal era and this shit began…but it's been _four_ years Kagome. _Four years_. Get the hell over it. Call mom, you _lazy_ bitch, and then get your ass up here to see me. I miss my sister…and it would be good to see a friendly face…I hate this stupid all boy's boarding school. What the hell was mom thinking, moving to America? Call mom."

Kagome stared at the message machine for countless minutes. 'Was that really Souta? Was that really my baby brother? He sounds so…grown up. Where is that eight-year-old boy who followed me around and wanted to be like…_him_….? Where did these past seven years go?' She blinked once and walked out to her kitchen. 'To _hell_…that's where they went. Seven years…seven fucking years. All to hell…with Kikyo…and…and….' She blinked once, feeling tears beginning to gather in her eyes. "Fuck, not yet! I'm not going to blubber out here!"

She grabbed her last bottle of Bud Light from her empty refrigerator and popped the top on her marble countertop. She blinked once then downed the bottle in a matter of seconds. She had learned the art of chugging from the frat parties she went to when they moved here; when she still tried to go to school. She had tried…and failed…miserably. She had been academically dismissed for her grades…and the fact that she had four cases of Smirnoff vodka in her dorm room when it was a dry campus. Shaking her head, she threw the bottle into the overflowing recycling can. She frowned and walked into the bathroom, sliding off her tight baby-tee and boy short underwear. She climbed into the cold shower and shivered until her body adjusted to the temp. The shower was the only thing in her life that made her feel something. Even if it was uncomfortable, at least she felt something. ****

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming/confusing

**  
**Kagome felt her knees slowly start to give out on her in the shower and she let gravity do it's magic. She sunk slowly down the black marble wall of her shower, curling her knees into her chest. Tears and hysterical sobs followed her decent. Slowly yet non-to gently, she banged her head back into the tile. Sobs racked her body as she screwed her eyes shut and cried for everything. Cried for her lost friends, her abandoned friends…she cried for the news of her grandfather…she cried for the sorrow in her mother's voice, the anger in her brother's voice. She cried for what her life had become…what she had become. She cried for the fact that she didn't remember who she brought home the night before…she cried for how much pain she had caused on her family. Most of all, she cried for _him_. She cried for the four years without him by her side, she cried for the three and a half long years she wanted to relive every day but couldn't. She cried for the sake of crying…she cried for her life. She cried for the girl in her heart that she had killed when she slit her wrists.

Routine continued, nothing new.

**This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling…I can't seem**

**To find myself again**

Kagome pulled herself out of her shower, ignoring the razor that was perched on her countertop. She had stared day in and day out at that razor. It would be so easy…she had done it once she could do it again. Blinking, the memories that overtook her were powerful enough to send her to the tiled floor.

**_FLASHBACK_**

_Kagome opened her eyes slowly; the blinding light was painful and seemed to be right in her face. She could hear voices calling to her…yet they seemed so distant. 'Is this heaven?' Her eyes shot open at that thought. When she transitioned from thought to spoken words, she didn't know, but everyone who was in her room understood what she said. "I'm not supposed to be in heaven! No, this can't be right! I need to be in hell…I need to be with him! No, this isn't right! I can't be here…I need to be with him! I need to be with InuYasha. I can't be with him if I'm here…he's in hell! I need to be with him!" _

_She felt someone grabbing her arm…pulling her back down. Was he pulling her to hell? Yes. She felt something jab her in her arm and the tears were instant. The shadows began to take shape into blobs of colour…one blob in particular was stroking her hair and telling her to hush. That blob was crying hysterically. A major part of Kagome died there…when she figured out the blob was her mother. _

_It had taken major amounts of sedatives for Kagome to finally relax. The state it put her in…unresponsive and apathetic…it never wore off. They had saved her. The mother fuckers had saved her. Her mother had gotten home as Kagome had walked out of the house. Seeing the knife, Kagome's mother began to run to her. Souta called the police. She had thought they were too late…she had thought wrong. It wouldn't be the first time. _

**_End Flashback_**

****Kagome stood on weary legs as she pulled herself off the floor. With a deep breath, she finished her routine. Dotting her face with a pale foundation…not that she needed it but it helped keep the pale look alive on her face. She traced her eyes in her heavy black mascara and put on dark blue eye shadow with a slight layer of a white glimmer shine over it. She put on her dark rouge lipstick and then brushed her teeth. She grabbed her rings and slowly put them on. One eyebrow ring she had gotten done with Ayumi before she left Tokyo…her tongue ring some guy, Brian she believed, had convinced her to get so it would be better when she went down on him…then her earrings. She had six piercing lining each ear, four that had been done in the last six months. She also had a belly button ring, but that never came out.

After she was done getting dressed, she grabbed her black bag and made her way from her apartment. She needed to get out…the air in the apartment was stifling. Glancing at the clock on the nearest wall, it was four o'clock in the afternoon. 'Well…I guess it was a late night.' She shrugged and inhaled deeply. She caught the orange line from Battery Park, where her mother had bought her an apartment, to uptown. She felt like walking around.

**My walls are closing in  
without a sense of confidence **

**And I'm convinced that **

**There's just too much pressure to take**

Kagome strolled down 42sd Street, watching the tourists with a grin plastered to her face. She had been that amazed too, on her first visit to the city. Her mother asked Kagome when she was in the hospital what she could do to make Kagome's pain go away. There was nothing she could do, Kagome had told her, except move halfway around the world to get away from it all. And that is what they did; to Queens, to be exact. Her mother took on a second job to cover the rent of the ratty apartment they were staying in. That's when her families luck changed. Her mother won the New York Lottery after a year and a half of living in filth. It was amazing. Taking it all in a lump sum of one hundred and twenty million dollars, Kagome's mother bought a house in Lock Haven and moved there almost immediately. Kagome wanted to live the city. Somehow, it made her feel safe. Maybe cause it was like Tokyo…maybe because it was wild, like the Sengoku Jidai. Something made her feel at home there, and she was not giving that up. Her mother purchased her an apartment in Battery Park; one of the very few locations Mrs. Higurashi would let her eighteen-year-old daughter live by herself.

Kagome walked slowly down the business sidewalk, taking in the air and life of the city. It made her smile and that was a rare commodity. She never smiled. Never. It had to be in the air…maybe the carbon monoxide? She shook her head and continued strolling down the sidewalk, her eyes cast high into the blue sky, looking to the glass skyscrapers.

**  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure**

Kagome paused at a street corner and shifted her right leg, trying to stretch the leather across her kneecap where it was bunching. She heard someone behind her at the street vendor store begin to cough violently. Rolling her eyes, she tried to focus on the little man on the walk sign. She looked behind her over her right shoulder to find a man wiping down the front of his black trench coat, trying to rid the coffee he had no doubt choked on off of it. She smirked and looked back at the walkway smugly. That's when life took another twist of unfortunate events.

As the little man in the box turned white for it to be safe to walk into the yellow sea, a hand reached out and wrapped around her wrist. She growled, unintentionally, and turned swiftly around. It was the coffee guy. But there was something…something so familiar about him that it scared her. He had his trench coat, sure, but he also had sunglasses that tinted his eyes from the views of others. He had shorter black hair, gelled back. He looked like someone plucked him out of little Italy…but he wasn't Italian. But there was something else…she could feel it, whether she wanted to or not. It wasn't just the trench coat or the glasses…or the overly expensive loafers on his feet or the Armani suit under the coat; it was the two jewel shards in his legs. "Kagome?"

Kagome tensed as she turned to look at the physical memory of her past. 'I have to be dreaming him…am I still asleep? There is no way that Kouga is still alive…'

The man reached up and ripped off his sunglasses, his sparkling cobalt blue eyes wide in utter shock and confusion. He stumbled over his words worse then a pup trying to walk. "But you're…how are…what…what the hell?"

Kagome chewed on her lip for a second before giving him the most disgusted look she could muster. "Do I know you?" She knew it was flimsy and if the wolf had gained any brains over the past five hundred years, he would have seen right through it…but maybe…maybe he would go away if he thought himself wrong. She ripped her hand out of his stunned grasp and rolled her eyes. "You shouldn't grab people you don't know, asshole."

Kouga took a step back and his eyes darted over her body quickly. Taking a step closer, he sniffed the air around them. Kagome tried to hold in her jitters and turned around swiftly and put a foot into the street. Kouga took a step closer and held out a hand to her. "Kagome…how are you still alive? You…Its…but the last time I saw you was…."

Kagome stopped dead in the street and closed her eyes. 'Not today…God not today.' Turning slowly, she narrowed her eyes, "I don't know why you're still taking to me…" She looked him dead in his beautiful eyes, "You don't know me!" It wasn't like she was lying, he didn't know her now…he didn't know who she had become…what she had become.

Kouga grabbed her shoulder and pulled her from the street and turned her around to face him. He seemed…perplexed…concerned…confused. He ran two fingers down her cheek and she quickly retreated a foot back as if his touch had been acid. He suddenly looked so…sad. His magnificent blue eyes…the eyes that could light up a room…dimmed as he looked at her. "What happened to you?"

Kagome winced. She didn't mean to but she couldn't help it. She blinked away tears and turned a cold shoulder to the wolf. She didn't know if he meant where did she go in the past or what she did to herself. Neither one did she wish to answer. He wouldn't understand. No one would.

Impatient of waiting, curious of her answers, and completely stumped, he grabbed her shoulder again. "Kagome?"

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Kagome looked over her shoulder at the wolf demon. "Kagome's dead…let her go."  
**  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
**

Kouga pulled Kagome around to stare at him and put a hand on each of her bare shoulders. "The hell you are…I can smell your scent Kagome…you think that's something I would soon forget? The scent of the woman I was so head over heels in love with? The woman I gave my heart to regardless of how many times she crushed it? The…"

Kagome got angry…she got real angry real fast. Her miko powers crackled like static electricity and Kouga jumped back, his hands singed from the pre-emptive attack. She took a step towards the demon, fire burning in her dead brown eyes. "Who the hell do you think you are? Coming around here digging up the fucking past…its over, it was over five hundred years ago. Get over it! You never loved me Kouga, you were infatuated with me. There was a difference between love and what you held for me."

Kouga stepped up to meet her head on. "Are you talking about the difference of my love or the difference between me and InuYasha?" The minute the name left his mouth, he saw…and understood. It was like watching someone rip a sheet of paper…except this was her heart. Her pupils dilated and the colour drained away from her face. She swallowed hard and looked away, closing her eyes for a moment. Kouga tenderly put a hand on her shoulder and looked deep into her eyes. "Kagome…I have so many questions…how are you still alive? Why…why did you do this to yourself? You look so…different. Kagome, how could you do this to yourself…look at you!"

Kagome pulled away from him, eyes downcast. She couldn't meet his gaze…she couldn't let him see the pain in her eyes. With as much venom as she could work up, she snapped back, "Spare me."

Kouga frowned and crossed his arms. "Kagome, you should be dead by all rights. You're a human…and yet here you are in front of me…five hundred years later. How…how are you still here? Does it have to do with Kikyo?" He blinked when he saw the rage boil in Kagome's eyes after he mentioned her name. Quickly, he shifted topics; "I looked for you after Naraku was defeated…after InuYasha died…"

Kagome let out a rugged breath of air as she felt her chest constrict. She had never said those two words together out loud or heard them spoken…she had never verbally acknowledged his death. The thought made her ill…the words churned her stomach. She reached out and put her hand on a garbage can, trying to catch her balance. It was as if the earth beneath her feet shifted and was attempting to swallow her whole. 'InuYasha.' She blinked away tears as she tightened her grip on the garbage can, clinging to it like she tried to cling to her sanity.

Kouga reached out and wrapped an arm around her waist, helping her keep her balance. He realized, watching her face, what he just said and wanted to thump himself for it. With a sigh, he realized he was missing something important in everything that had happened and he was beginning understands that it was bigger then he first thought. He helped her to a set of chairs outside of a café and sat her down in one iron chair. Ordering two coffees, he pulled a chair around to sit next to her. Feeling utterly helpless, he rubbed her shoulders as she stared out into the dead of day…into the abyss of nothingness. "Kagome?" Kagome turned slowly to look at Kouga and blinked slowly. She watched his eye carefully as the realization of her anguish wash over him. He blanched, then put his lips to her forehead in a friendly gesture. "Kagome, me and my fucking mouth, I'm sorry…I didn't mean…I am so sorry. That was insensitive of me."

Kagome blinked again and a very small smile crept to her lips, despite the agony and depression that filled her eyes. "Since when have you ever known anything about being insensitive, or for that matter, cared about it Kouga?"

Kouga laughed and ran a hand through his slick hair. "Since I had kids."

Kagome sputtered over words for a moment then sat up straight. "You have kids? You…Kouga, prince of the wolf demon tribe, with tots?"

Kouga gave her a funny look and glanced around before looking back at her, his eyes a little wider. "Cut it with the wolf demon tribe stuff. People would lock me up if they thought…if they knew…Kagome, come on. Yes, I have…" He made a face and began counting on his fingers…numerous times…. "I have thirty five kids…two who still live at home and a baby on the way…I have ninety-eight grandkids…with eight on the way…uhh….three hundred and eighty seven…nine…no…eight, eighty eight great grand kids and I can't count from there. But of my offspring, I have thirty five…soon to be six." He grinned at her awestruck look. "Aayme loves to carry pups…it's her goal to repopulate the world with our tribe…and we've done a helluva good job too." He patted her knee and gave her a wide smile, trying to cheer her up.

Kagome smiled once then looked out to the street. She wanted to ask so many questions…know so many things. Her heart raced for the first time in four years with the yearning to know what happened to her friends…to her family. She couldn't believe he…Kouga…was a father. 'God, what has this world come to?' "Kouga…what…" She blinked once and sighed. 'Do I really want anymore heartache? Can I really stand to know anything dreadful that happened to my friends? Miroku…Sango…Shippo? Could I really hear it?' Fighting against her better judgment, she licked her dry lips and hoarsely asked, "What happened to Sango and Miroku? To Shippo and Kirara? Did they…how did they…." Her voice fell away and she looked down to the ground.

Kouga patted her hands then took them into his own, as he had done so many times centuries before. Never in a thousand years did he think he would ever get to touch her again…to be with her again. "Sango and Miroku married shortly after…you disappeared…and they had eight kids. I mean, for humans, holy shit. They had their hands full. They had lots of help though. Shippo stayed with them and helped raise five generations of their lineage…before he started one of his own. I see him now and again…"

Kagome's eyes lightened up. She gave him a faint smile, the smallest bit of Kagome Higurashi that was left in this girl's body beaming through the cracks in the plastered wall that she had locked her behind. "Shippo is still alive?" She gasped as the words Kouga spoke filtered through her brain. "And he has a family?

Kouga nodded enthusiastically and gave Kagome a sly smile that turned her stomach into knots…it was so similar to _his_ smile. "He gave in to Souten and eventually married her. Don't ask me how they got over their differences…he blamed her for his parents death, she blamed him for her brothers…I guess their hate brought them together after so long. I think, and now this is just me speculating…but he used to chase after her with Miroku's great grand son Iros and I think they caught her…I think she let _him_ catch her, and I think that he might have knocked her up…" he chuckled once and shook his head, "to use modern lingo is still odd for me."

Kagome smiled again and shrugged, "Your English is flawless though."

Kouga shrugged and scratched the back of his head. "I guess…" The red tint to his cheeks jogged her memory again…the times Kouga would blush when she looked at him or talked to him…the times she would help him when he was hurt…because _they_ fought.

She sighed again, the smile sliding off her face. "So, how long did he live? Miroku, I mean. And Sango…what about her?"

Kouga matched her frown and closed his eyes. Shaking his head slowly, he knew she didn't want to hear it…but why lie? "Miroku lived until he was fifty five…a very long life for back then. He passed away in the dead of night in his sleep peacefully. Sango…" He grimaced and looked down. He could smell the tears in Kagome's eyes and he didn't want to add fuel to the fire. He sighed again and forced himself to look at her, "Sango kept slaying demons…even while carrying pups. She…she paired herself against a formidable Inu-Youkai…" He grimaced as she shot him a glare of daggers. "It was not Sesshoumaru so don't think that. It was a relative of that family though who had been causing trouble. Sesshoumaru had been away on business so she took it upon herself to help him. She didn't stand a chance…it cut her down when she was thirty-three taking both her and the pups lives." He grabbed her hand tighter and looked her dead in the eyes, "Sesshoumaru, Miroku, and I made sure he suffered before he died, trust me. we got our revenge."

Kagome clenched the edge of the table, grinding her teeth together. "Oh Sango…" She felt a tear slip down her cheek and she flicked it off just as quick with her index finger. "I guess it was the time…"

Kouga swallowed hard and put his hand over hers again. "Kagome…what happened? How are you still alive?"

Kagome sat back in her chair and slowly nodded. "It's a very long story."

**  
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting…reacting**

Kagome cleared her throat, and took a sip of the coffee Kouga had bought her. "I…well…I guess I should start from the beginning. About three months before we met I had…well…I turned fifteen…" She sighed and held out a hand, "Kouga, I was born in 1981."

Kouga's jaw dropped open as he shook his head in confusion. "I don't get it, Kagome. What do you mean in 1981? You were in my time in…well…" He lowered his voice and scratched behind his very human like ear, "1497…" He coughed as the year left his mouth and glared around again, suspiciously.

Kagome rolled her eyes and tapped the glass table with her fingertips. "Kouga…the day I turned fifteen, my cat got into the well house…I lived on a shrine…a very familiar Shrine…Kaede's shrine…in this time now. What was there is now Tokyo…"

Kouga nodded, his blue eyes wide in shock, "I was there when they built Tokyo…hell, I helped build the roadways."

Kagome gave him a small smile and sighed sadly. "Right…well…my family owns the shrine. But that's another story. So…I went into the well house and a Youkai burst through the old well and pulled me back into it. When I hit the bottom I found myself looking up into daylight and not the well house. When I got to the top of the well, I realized I wasn't in Tokyo anymore. I was in the old well in the middle of the forest."

Kouga's eyes doubled in size and he stood up quickly, "Wait, you mean you expect me to believe that you traveled through time back to 1497 through that old shitty well in the middle of Inuyasha's forest?"

Kagome glared at the demon then looked at the couple next to them, who was staring deadpanned at the pair. She rolled her eyes and hissed at them suddenly, startling them more. With a sneer, she turned back to Kouga, "Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. I was able to make jumps back and forth through the time slip…think about it Kouga. When you got your shards taken by Kagura…and I helped you…what did I put on the wounds?"

Kouga scratched his head and raked his brain. Suddenly his back went ridged and Kagome knew he was putting two and two together. "Holy shit, Kagome! I mean…that was a first aid symbol on that fucking box you were carrying! How did I miss that?"

Kagome laughed dully and patted his hands. "You didn't recognize it back then and its trivial, so why remember now. Does that at least prove my point?"

Kouga nodded quickly, "It also explains a lot. It explains why InuYasha was in the well!"

Kagome blinked once…then again. Kouga was now staring at her probably because all the colour in her face…the little that she showed…had drained to her toes. Her stomach began to twist in even tighter knots as she stared at him, dry mouthed and large eyes. "What?" She closed her eyes and looked down, "You mean in the past? Yeah, that's why he would wait by the well…"

Kouga shook his head and put a hand over his eyes. "It all makes sense now. I didn't understand why he changed in the well…what made the boy go ape shit. Kagome…what happened the night you…. Kagome?"

Kagome stood up abruptly from the table, both of her hands planted firmly on the surface and yet she shook. "What…what do you mean changed in the well? He never changed in the well. He could never reach the bottom of the well without going through the slip like me. He hadn't changed in the last year we were together."

Kouga had an epiphany. He inhaled sharply and slowly stood up. "What did you do?"

Instantly there were tears. Kagome sunk back into the chair…then off of it. She sat at the base of the table, tears streaming black down her cheeks. "I…after Naraku…he…he went with…." She chocked on a silent sob and let her head roll to her chest. Rocking slowly back and forth, she was about to actually say what happened. She hadn't told anyone about what really happened. Her mother, Souta, Ji-chan…they all could gather the facts but as for truly knowing…no, she had never spoken the truth. The well was sealed, InuYasha was dead…and so was she. "InuYasha…when he died…I couldn't…"

Kouga nodded slowly, "You weren't there when InuYasha died. I know that…I was. He called…" He winched as something resembling absolute horror crossed her face. He didn't want to torture her anymore…maybe he should let the dead rest in the past. He bowed his head to his chest, "I'm sorry Kagome, I shouldn't say anything…I don't want to see you in any more pain then you already are," with his last words, he gently stroked the ring in her eyebrow with a concerned eye.

Kagome didn't move…didn't flinch when he came near her. She was frozen in sheer panic. "What…what did he call to? He was with the one he loved…he found his peace with Kikyo and left me here…to deal with all this!" She couldn't help how venomous her words sounded…she was angry, angry with him, angry with his insolence. How could he abandon her after everything? Not even bother to say goodbye? Did he look for her? Did he even care?

It was Kouga's turn to look awestruck…then horror stricken. He grabbed Kagome's hands and stared at her for a moment before pulling her into his chest to hug her. 'Is that why she left? She thought he went with Kikyo? If so…then it's…it was all a giant tragedy…a fuckin miscommunication.' He fought with her when she tried to pull away but he knew she would want the truth…she would demand answers…then she would really be devastated. If she felt dead now…what would the truth do? He couldn't do it to her…not Kagome. "Let him go Kagome…he was a baka. He chose his fate."

Kagome tried to pull out of Kouga's embrace yet could not break his grasp. She couldn't help the hysterical nature of her voice. She needed answers. Something was awry. "Kouga, please…there is something you're not telling me. I can hear it behind your words…tell me. I need to know…please…"

Kouga took a deep breath. "You…you think he died…with Kikyo? Is that what you think?"

The voice that came from Kagome was not her own. It was sadistic, filled with rage and fury…filled with horror and panic…it was primordial in its purest essence. "What do you mean _think_?"

Kouga tightened the hug and tired to hush her but when she spoke, he realized there was no way out. He had to tell her…he had to. "Kagome…InuYasha never went with Kikyo."

And her heart shattered for the last time.

**  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting how I can't seem... **

**To find myself again  
My walls are closing in**

Kagome pulled away from Kouga, her eyes closed. 'I was wrong…I…he didn't…' She swallowed hard and slowly opened her eyes. 'If he didn't go with her…then I ….I abandoned him. I left without any reason. NO!' She grabbed Kouga's shirt and pulled him to her, so close in fact that their noses were just about touching. "You're wrong…you're lying! Why…why would you lie to me, Kouga? Don't try to protect me, I know what I heard! I know what I saw! They decided to go to hell together! Don't fuckin lie to me…don't do it!" She was screaming and sobbing by the time she reached the end of her breath. She let out a rasp of a sob and slid to the ground, curling her knees to her chest. 'I didn't abandon him…I didn't abandon him…I wouldn't…I couldn't…Kouga's wrong…he's _wrong_!'

Kouga never let her go, even as she slid to the floor in utter submission. He stroked her hair and tried to cradle her into his chest. "Kagome…didn't you know? He wasn't…he never wanted to…he…he…" He closed his eyes and grimaced as he put the fucking icing on the cake, "he loved you Kagome. You…not her. He never went with her…she died _with_ him….but he did not _go_ with her. He went looking for you, so Miroku told me later on. But…then he came back. He…he wasn't himself…he had turned."

Kagome felt as if Kouga had put his hand through her chest, grabbed her heart and ripped it from her body. She felt as if her body was frozen yet burning in the depths of hell. She heard the words and yet could not move. 'What if he…oh god!' She grabbed onto the sleeves of Kouga's shirt and pulled herself to stare at him. "Turned?"

Kouga felt his own heart breaking as he watched the girl that he had once loved with all of his heart relive what must have been the hardest decision of her life. "He turned into a demon…he came from the well…and he had lost it. He killed four men in Kaede's village before turning on Miroku and Sango…don't worry, he didn't hurt them!" He dug his nails into his palms as he watched her eyes harden at his words. He shouldn't have said it…he should have let her believe dog shit went to hell with that bitch, not by the end of his brother's sword. He had been there, coming to see Kagome. He watched from the woods as InuYasha had charged Sango for the second time. Before he could move to intercept, Sesshoumaru had. He watched as InuYasha impaled himself on the sword. Not that it wasn't a normal thing…but something was different. Something was missing. It had been his will to live. Without that, he gave up. Sesshoumaru had sat with InuYasha for hours on the ground, staring without words, without blatant emotion. But Kouga could see it, when he approached. He could see the horror in Sesshoumaru's eyes…the sorrow in his soul. Sango and Miroku had long cried over their friend and had begged Sesshoumaru to revive him with Tensusaiga. But he didn't oblige. All he muttered as, "Why bring back the dead who does not wish to live?" Eventually, Sesshoumaru left with his brother's body, to bury next to his father. He didn't allow anyone to follow.

Kagome gulped and felt the sudden need to kneel over and throw up. Bile rose in the back of her throat as she slowly asked, "What happened? Why did he…how…?"

Kouga held her tighter…the final blow was the worst. It would destroy her. "Sesshoumaru was passing by…he saw InuYasha go after Sango and got in the way…with his sword. He…InuYasha never stopped…Sesshoumaru thought he would fight him and he could subdue him…but he didn't…he never…"

Kagome pulled away from Kouga and made it three crawling steps before throwing up everything she had consumed. 'He…he didn't…he never went with her and here I am...he died because he thought I hated him…he must have tired to get through…oh god, InuYasha…how many times did you try…how many times did you scream my name? How…how much pain did you feel when you died? Was it like what I felt?' "Was it quick?" She didn't mean to ask it but she had to know…somewhere in between her gagging, she managed to form the question.

Kouga pulled back and stared down at her. With a simple nod, he answered, "Hai."

Kagome vomited again and dry heaved until she coughed up more bile. She felt her eyes close as she passed out. 'He loved me and I left him. I abandoned him.'****

Without a sense of confidence 

**And I'm convinced that **

**There's just too much pressure to take  
**

** five weeks later **

Kagome sat alone at the old mahogany bar, taking shots of anything that would numb her pain; Tequila, Absolute Vodka, Jack Daniels, Whiskey…everything. Yet nothing made Kouga's words go away. Nothing. She had stayed with Kouga and Aayme for two weeks after he had told her. Aayme refused to let her out of their sight for fear that she would end up right where she was. Now here she was…ten o'clock and already two hours drunk. Yet she didn't move from her stool. She knew Moe, the bars owner…he would let her stay as long as she wanted. He never minded. She had danced with five men already; two had groped her and had walked away with black eyes. One had been sucked off in the back alley. She didn't care. What did it matter? He died because she thought she heard something…he died because he loved her…because she spat it back at him. 'I'll never betray you InuYasha,' she remembered telling him time and again…but she did. Fucking A she did. She ordered another shot of Whiskey and took it down in a matter of seconds. She had been there every night for three weeks straight. Every damn night. She would wake up hung over, take shots at home until the bars opened then crawl her way into one. She was the first patron in and the last out…except when she brought a man home with her.

**I've felt this way before  
So insecure  
**

Yet that was a story of it's own. She would remember bringing a man home yet he would be long gone by morning, yet her door would always be locked. She didn't give them copies of the keys. She felt, at one point, that Kouga was intervening in her life, and god help him if she ever found that to be true. Odd as it was, she was sure that the door was always locked when the suitors were gone. But she wouldn't doubt if she was going officially out of her mind. It was very possible.

She rested her head on the cold bar, the alcohol putting her mind in a tizzy. A man, who had been sitting next to her for a while, cleared his throat, "You know, the average male does not wash his hands after going to the bathroom."

Kagome blinked slowly and turned her head to stare at the stranger. She managed to slur out, "That's disgusting." From what she could see, he had black hair, longer but stuffed in the back of his blazer.

The stranger looked at her slowly, digesting her current position. "Are you okay? After knowing that fact, I would have expected you to catch onto the idea that the average man also sits at this bar with his hands all over the table. "

Kagome laughed mockingly at the man then quickly added, "Do you think I really give a rats ass?" She rolled her eyes. His voice was annoying; flat and dull, rather monotone. Sounded like Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru. She managed to shatter the shot glass in her hand at the raw thought of that demon. "Fuck…" She threw the glass down and brought her hand a few inches from her face to try to examine the wounds. "I hate it when it does that."

The stranger reached over and gently took her hand. For a moment, she wanted to smack him…kick his ass as she had done to so many dickwads of this bar but something stopped her. He managed to pull a sliver of glass from one of her larger cuts then pulled a handkerchief from his blazer's pocket. Wrapping it around her hand, he stood slowly. "You should get to a doctor…those wounds could be infected."

Kagome huffed and made no effort to move. "Like everything I touch?"

The stranger stared at Kagome for a moment before sitting back down, his eyes seemingly more cold then before. "Whatever you say. It's just a thought."

Kagome raised her eyebrows then closed her eyes, "It sucks."

The stranger shook his head slowly, "So do you live here?"

Kagome gave a very wry chuckle and shrugged her shoulders, still with her head on the bar. "You mean here in Manhattan or here in this bar. Cause to both, my answer is yes."

The stranger gave her a small frown and retuned to staring at his jack and coke. "What brings you to Manhattan? You don't seem to be a…school…kid."

Kagome shrugged and let her eyes fall into her own drink. She knew she was wasted…but for some reason, when she was wasted she never seemed to be able to talk. Now…she was talking to this guy real good. "I live here. My mom bought me an apartment when she won the lottery."

The stranger nodded slowly with a small sarcastic grin, "Your mother won the power ball?"

Kagome merely nodded.

**Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real**

The stranger seemed impressed then went back to nursing his drink. He glanced back over at her and paused. Taking her hand back into his, he pushed up her sleeve on her wrist to revel a long ugly scar. He stared at it for a moment before lifting his gaze to meet the girl. "What…what did you do?" He cleared his throat and downed his drink in one gulp. "Those look sever." He coughed out as he rubbed his chest, trying to rid the burning feeling of it.

Kagome pulled back her hand and sighed loudly. "Not that I want my life to be a fucking open book but I made some mistakes and thought that might take care of it."  
The stranger remained impassive. "They say a girl who tries to kill herself is calling out for help. Do you agree?"

Kagome narrowed her eyes and wavered a little in her seat as she pointed at the boy next to her, "You don't know shit about me. I completely disagree! I was not calling out for help, I was begging to die. Yet I couldn't…the Kami's thought it would be more fun to torture me by making me live. Trust me…these past few weeks I wish I were dead."

The man recoiled away from her. "Sounds bad."

Kagome let out a loud scoff and took another shot of vodka. "You have no idea. You don't know what it's like to be responsible for the love of your life's death."

The stranger raised an eyebrow and sat back in his chair. "Really? That's rough."

Kagome slammed her fist on the bar and looked to the ground. "I thought…I thought he left me…so I left before I had to see it…before I was certain. It was so long ago…yet I just found out that he didn't leave me…he never planned to. I abandoned him...I betrayed him and him looking for me brought about his death."

The stranger stared at the wall for a moment before looking back at her. He seemed very pensive…very solemn. "What made you think he left you?"

Kagome shook her head slowly, "Just forget it. It has nothing to do with you."

The stranger bowed his head slightly, inclined towards Kagome. "I apologize. It was wrong of me to pry."

Kagome nodded once before returning to stare at her drink. "He…I…I misinterpreted what he said to an ex and I thought he was leaving me…he was everything to me and to think I would lose him…I went crazy. I ran away…ran from it all. I made sure I wouldn't be there when he went down…then I find out he never did. He was never going to leave me. I left him. There's so much that time can not erase…I was with him for everything yet he…I left him." The sudden numb feeling of needing to vomit overwhelmed her and she excused herself to the bathroom. Throwing up what little of diner she had and all the liquid she had that night, she flushed the toilet and turned to see herself in a mirror. "What did I do?" She stared down at the floor and let out a loud groan. Leaning forward, she connected her fist into the mirror on the wall. "Bitch! You left him! You abandoned him to die alone! You left him, you fucking bitch! Not Kikyo, you! You killed him! You left him all alone! He called to you when he was dying, he called for you…and you weren't there!" She screamed until her face was red. She screamed until sobs racked over her body.

**Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real**

It took her an hour to get out of the bathroom. Her hand, cut originally by the shot glass was now bleeding profusely from the mirror. It didn't matter…nothing did. She walked to the counter and dropped some cash down for the drinks. Slowly she made her way to the door. She would walk home…if she didn't make it…then her mother wouldn't have to worry anymore. She began to walk from the bar when a hand clamped down on her shoulder. She turned quickly, expecting an ex or Kouga…but was shocked. In front of her was the stranger she had been speaking to. Sure, she had seen him a few times in the bar but knew he was not a regular. Tonight was not a one-night stand night though. She hurt to much to take someone with her…nothing except the sharp end of a sword would numb this pain. Never. She would never be able to smile again, never be able to laugh again. No…she was in fact dead.

The stranger hailed for a taxi, never taking his hand off of Kagome's shoulder. "You should go home and rest."

Kagome pulled at his hand numbly, her eyes slightly glazed over from intoxication. "No…I want to walk. I want to…"

A yellow taxi pulled up and the stranger opened the door. "Don't argue with me, get in the car and have a good night."

Kagome groaned and put a hand to her head. "What's your name?"

The stranger smiled and gave the girl a small grin, "What's in a name?" Pulling away from the girl, he made sure she was in the car before approaching the driver. Handing the man forty dollars, he pointed down the road. "Take her to Park Place West…she's in 1700…walk her to the door and keep the tip."

The cabbie gawked at the man. "Sir, that's only like two blocks down…"

The man only gave him a small grin. "So you'll be sure to walk her to her door and make sure she gets in. I'm trusting you…get it done." He pulled back and hit the roof twice before turning and walking back to the sidewalk. He watched the red taillights disappear into the darkness of night with a growl in the back of his throat.

"Kagome."****

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming/confusing what is real  
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling…confusing what is real

Kagome woke up on her couch, groggy eyed and feeling extremely sick. 'Damn, how much did I drink last night?' She looked down to find herself still in the clothes she wore to the bar. 'Damn.' She stretched her back and walked to the bathroom. She noticed her hand was bandaged which she stared at for a moment. 'I don't remember…doing…that.' She closed her eyes and got into the shower. She expected the same routine…she expected to break down in tears and sob pathetically for her life. She didn't. Something…something was different. For the first time in four years, something inside of her felt…. fixed.

Okay, okay, so it's still dark…and yes….it will get better. I know I'm a bitch for what I've done to our poor hero's…but they are the good guys and good guys always win…right? If you are going to flame me for OOC'ing Kagome, that's fine and dandy…but think for two minutes about what you would have done in her position. Think real hard.


	3. Part of me

Mistakes 

**Chapter 3- Lincoln park- Part Of Me**

**Part of me won't go away  
Everyday reminded how much I hate it**

Silver hair stuck in clumps to the side of his face mixed together in sweat and blood. His brilliant golden eyes were screwed shut, his chest nearly splitting open with every breath he took. It hurt…god did it hurt. In his hand he clutched his sword…the one thing left in the world he knew he could trust. Taking in a deep breath that burned his chest, he let it out slowly, regardless of the pain he was in. he would not submit…he would not give in to _him_. Memories played like movies without sound through his mind, tearing pieces of him away with each painful smile, with each deadly touch. Snapping his eyes open, he was on his feet again in a matter of seconds. Raising his sword above his head, he clashed it with his brothers. With speed he forgot he had, he wielded the long silver sword with ease, he slammed it towards his brother's head. "Submit!" the swords sang out as they clashed together, sparks flying in all directions, yet his brother remained standing, looking nearly as frazzled as he himself did.

"In you're fucking dreams!" the sword clanged against his again in an uncalculated move. He knew he was in the wrong. He jumped the gun, again.

Sesshoumaru grinned as he countered his brother's attack and whacked his hand with the flat end of his blade, sending Tetsusaiga to the ground with an echoing clang. He turned quickly on one leg and caught his brother in the jaw with his right foot, sending him flying into the nearest plaster wall. Finishing the turn with graceful precision, Sesshoumaru pushed the tip of Tensusaiga into the floor and rested his weight on its hilt. With a deep composing breath, he closed his eyes and sighed. "What did you do wrong?"

InuYasha was already on his feet and sheathing tetsusaiga. "Yeah, yeah, jumped the gun…put to much thought into battle. I know all of this, remember?"

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and stood up straight. As his younger brother passed his side, he held out the sword, pointing the tip towards his brother's left cheek. "did I say we were done?"

InuYasha paused and turned his head to stare at his brother a little to quickly. He grazed the swords tip with his flesh, which split a moment later under the blade. Blood trickled down his face and he scowled. "Was that fucking necessary?"

Sesshoumaru gave the boy a small but very wicked smile. "You did not answer my question."

InuYasha backed a foot away from his brother and the pointy object in his hand. "We have the Rockefeller account today, remember? Three o'clock. It's two twenty. Did you forget?"

Sesshoumaru blinked once then sheathed his sword on his hip. He ran his hands through his hair and then stared at the blood on his hands in slight horror. He glanced at his brother and frowned. "You got me worse then I thought." He waved his hand off, spilling some of the blood on it to the floor. "We are a bloody mess. Clean up and meet me in the board room."

InuYasha flipped him off and walked from the room towards the locker room. Though he had to admit, these fighting sessions helped his rage; it didn't cure what he wanted it to. It didn't numb the pain.

**Weighted against the consequences  
Can't live without it so it's senseless  
**

InuYasha stepped under the stream of hot water and put his head up to meet the liquid. Feeling it fall over him, he could feel the blood drip down his face, his arms, and his chest and turn the floor of the pristine white shower red. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. He scrubbed himself down and washed off, trying to keep his mind focused on the day ahead. He stepped from the shower, cleaned yet unclean. Soothed from the water yet not from his pain. He ran his black towel over his face and shook his head, spilling the free water from his hair over the walls. He stared in the mirror on the wall and sighed. Calling to no one but the man staring back at him, he ran a hand through his hair, "five hundred and four years and you still look back at me like you're waiting for something." He growled and dropped his gaze to the sink in front of him. 'Five hundred and four years…alone…with this pain.' He closed his eyes and slowly turned to put his back to the wall. He slid down the cold cement surface until connecting with the floor. He pushed his head against the cement and swallowed hard. His hand automatically drifted to his chest and he grimaced. Sometimes he felt it still…somewhere under all the blood and tissue…bone and muscle…sometimes he still felt it pulsate….sometimes he could still feel it beat. 'Can a dead heart beat?' he clenched his hand into a fist and growled.

"Focus it."

InuYasha didn't need to open his eyes. He knew his brother was standing there. He growled again and slammed his head backwards into the wall. Sure, it hurt like hell, but not nearly as much as the memories that flashed in front of his eyes. "Why?"

Sesshoumaru walked back towards the lockers a few feet away from his brother and fished a shirt out of his locker. Sliding a white undershirt on over his head, he called back to the younger version of himself sitting against the wall in obvious agony. "You need to channel your anger to use it, possess it. It's your tool in the word InuYasha. It's your life force."

InuYasha growled again and dropped his hands to his knees and hung his head. "I meant why did you do it? Why call me back to this miserable existence?"

Sesshoumaru buttoned up his black collared shirt and ran his hands through his hair. "Because it was not your time to die."

InuYasha coughed and snapped his head towards his brother. "The fuck it wasn't."

Sesshoumaru glowered at the boy for a moment before shutting his locker. "You can choose not to believe me, yet I speak the truth. It was not your day to die."

InuYasha narrowed his eyes then stood slowly. "To bad…I died that day anyway."

Sesshoumaru put on his shoes and then grabbed the gold ring out of his locker. He took one more look in the mirror on the wall before sliding the band over his finger. His beautiful silver hair became midnight black, his purple half crescent and two red stripes vanished beneath the surface of his pale skin. His amber eyes turned to a very light crystal blue, the kind that one would see in the water of the Caribbean islands. He began pulling his hair back into a braid and gave his brother a small frown. "You are here today, are you not?"

InuYasha walked to his locker and pulled out his Armani suit. Sliding into the pants, he turned and stared at his brother. "a part of me is here, yes. Ask me if I feel whole."

Sesshoumaru slammed his door closed and stared at InuYasha. "Ask me if it is relevant." He put a hand on his brother shoulder and slowly stated, "I saved you, brother, because I realized that you gave your life in an act of bitterness. You acted out in passion…for passion lost. What you did was foolish and I would not stand for it."

InuYasha sighed and pulled on his shirt. "You told Miroku you would not revive one who did not wish to live."

Sesshoumaru nodded once and sat down on the wooden bench. "I realized that night, when digging your grave, that you had snuffed out your own life to early. InuYasha…the first is always the hardest. You cannot simply give up living though because you're heartbroken."

InuYasha rolled his eyes and put on his tie. He grabbed an onyx ring from his locker and slipped it over his finger. Though his brother's form was merely hidden behind the cloak of a human face with his ring, Inuyasha's called upon his human side to overtake his Youkai. With his ring on, he was human. He watched as his hair went from silver to black, his eyes from gold to purple, and his strength from demon to weakling. He clenched his fist over the ring and frowned. "Heartbroken…no, Sesshoumaru…I was not heartbroken. I was betrayed."

Sesshoumaru nodded once and picked up his brief case. "Betrayed? Maybe…maybe not. You were wronged, brother, yet betrayed? I know not."

InuYasha scowled at his brother before joining him next to his side and the pair walked from the locker room. "Do you get off talking in riddles?"

Sesshoumaru simply raised an eyebrow.

**Wanna cut it out of my soul  
And just live with a gaping hole**

Another glass…just one more cup might hold serenity from the day's events…from the year dealings…from centuries past. One more glass might make the fall less painful. One more glass might make fifty stories seem like two. InuYasha dipped his foot over the surface, gazing out into the night sky. Even on the top floor of his penthouse, he could not see the stars. Through the darkness of night, he could see miles through the city…the lights of the wondrous mark of humanity on the earth. Yet, was it not more a blemish then anything…? It tainted the air, killed the land, and suffocated its people. Yet in the heart of it is where he thrived; in the heart of New York City was his resting place, it was his grave. He took another sip of the vodka in his glass and stared downwards into the windy abyss of night. 'Would it hurt to fall so far…further then I've already fallen? I made that fall…years ago my soul plummeted this very depth…Sesshoumaru does not understand. Even though he revived my body…my soul is gone, dead among shadows. Sesshoumaru could not save me again. I would be dead…as I should be.' InuYasha turned his face up towards the heavens and screamed. When he could not longer scream, he whimpered…he howled…he cried. Everything in him told him to jump yet his feet would not leave the building. He resorted to throwing his cup off the terrace and sneered as it shattered somewhere down below…it should have been him.

InuYasha collapsed to the floor, his eyes hazy under the influence of fatigue and the whims of an intoxicated delusion. Life was nothing, a burden at best. He closed his eyes and let the wind blow through his hair. Tomorrow he would wake up, face up to his cathedral like ceilings…he would hear people whisper as he and Sesshoumaru stepped out of the limo that they wished for his life, his luck. Luck? Did they not see the curse? Could they not feel the aura around him? He was in hell and they wished to be him. Imbeciles.

**Take control of my life  
and wash out all the burnt taste**

"Every night you cry to the moon as if it could help you…as if it could save you. Why? Face your problems, InuYasha…"

InuYasha blinked away the voice behind him. It was true…every night, when he was done drinking; he would stumble his way back here to contemplate jumping…to contemplate how wrong his life had turned. To loathe himself for how much he gave up. He swayed to the tune in his head…the tune of a precession…and watched the haze roll in with the morning air. "I sit here because I have nothing left."

Sesshoumaru sat down next to his brother, Jack Daniels bottle in hand, and took a swig. "Why do you do it?"

InuYasha turned slowly to stare at the older man then sigh. "Are you a fool, Sesshoumaru? My life…what do I have left in it? A half-brother who loathes me, a company worth billions of dollars and yet I cannot indulge in it because I am dead inside…what can the dead do with money? I have no use for it."

Sesshoumaru gave the boy a small smile and shook his head slowly. "Every day I am more and more amazed at how much like me you have become. The difference…I am not afraid to live my life. You forget InuYasha…we have both loved and lost…it is a fact of life. Your miko…my Rin…they are both gone. And yet here you sit, wasting away your life on booze and sorrow. If you plan to end it, end it. I will not bring you back again. I will not put you through that torture. But InuYasha, all mistakes…no matter how despicable they are…should be rectified in time. It just takes a willing party. Who knows…maybe things are not what you think."

InuYasha stared long and hard at his brother before sighing and staring into his hands. "It took a decade for me to move from where you resurrected me, Sesshoumaru. What makes you think I can heal myself in five centuries?"

Sesshoumaru shrugged and took another swig of vodka. "Ten years have come and gone fifty-fold."

InuYasha blinked then sighed. He snatched the bottle away from his brother, who willingly let it go, and took a long and hard gulp of the burning liquid. "Yet my heart is still shattered."

Sesshoumaru took a deep breath and sighed. "Because you allow yourself to be. InuYasha, were you not heart broken when Kikyo pinned you to that tree?"

InuYasha frowned, "that was a deception…a vile trick from a vile creature. Besides…_she_ healed me. _She_ allowed me to live, to love…to trust."

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and took back his bottle. "And what did you learn from those three attributes?"

Inuyasha's frown deepened, "that I was wrong."

Sesshoumaru nodded once and folded his fingers together, putting the tips of them by his mouth. "Were you?"

InuYasha rolled his eyes and stood up on wobbly legs. "Yes…I was."

Sesshoumaru cocked an eyebrow at the boy but did not respond. Instead, he finished the bottle of Jack Daniels and threw it into the recycling bin halfway across the terrace from where he slouched. "You had me worried, you know."

InuYasha did a double take and narrowed his eyes, "what?"

Sesshoumaru barely contained his grin as he crossed his arms. "I brought you back, InuYasha…so that you would learn from your mistake. That you would not die for such a foolhardy idea like love. And yet you sat on my floor…staring at one spot on the castle wall, for ten years. I thought you nothing more then a soulless beast…and honestly I had to keep Jaken from killing you time and again, as well as myself. You just sat, even after tetsusaiga stopped pulsating…after it rejected your touch, you sat un-phased."

InuYasha nodded. "It was like I was seeing the past three years over and over. Each smile, each touch…" he clenched his fist and banged it into the wall. Leaning his head against the marble finish, he chocked back sobs that suddenly snuck up on him, "I…I just kept seeing all the fucking times I ran off with Kikyo…all the times I saw the heartache on her face…all the times I messed thing up. But you know, it _was_ getting better…it was getting so much better between us. I don't know why…why she would just _leave_…" he hung his head and shook it slowly. "I wondered for a long time if she had thought that I had left with Kikyo…but she should have known better. I told her…I fucking told Kikyo to keep her nose out of _our_ business. Wasn't that a good enough sign?"

Sesshoumaru merely shrugged and laid his head on the marble wall. "Humans are unpredictable."

InuYasha blinked, a slight glaze coming over his eyes. He stared sadly for a moment at the wall then back at his brother. "Three and a half years we were together Sesshoumaru. I knew…I knew I loved her two months in and yet after three years, do you think I ever told her? no…I kept my mouth shut for fear of hurting her…"

Sesshoumaru shook his head and sighed again. "Emotions make you weak, InuYasha. I have trained you to know as much."

InuYasha shrugged and gently banged his head into the stone, "you can't train me to forget…you can't _train_ me not to let it bother me."

"Five hundred years, brother, and you still cannot let it go?"

InuYasha laughed wryly, "five hundred years and you have yet to kill me for it,"

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow, "yet."

InuYasha shook his head and frowned. "Yet?"

Sesshoumaru put a hand on his younger brother's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Don't let the memories destroy you." he stood suddenly, letting go of his brother and turned to go into the pent house. Calling over his shoulder, he cleared his throat, "those years in AA fall short when you're drunk on my penthouse rooftop, little brother. Maybe you should go back to counseling."

InuYasha scowled, "maybe you should shut your fucking mouth, bastard."

Sesshoumaru smirked and walked back into his house, "half breed."

**I made the problems in the first place  
Hang my head low 'cause it's part of me  
Ya hardly see right next to the heart of me**

The two brothers walked down West Broadway, perfect sync in step. Their black hair glistened in the sun and the Armani suits they wore gave them a rather FBI air. Turning the corner with precise timing, they marched down the streets of downtown Manhattan towards their nearest meeting on Wall Street. It was days like this, mid October days when the air was crisp and the sun was warm that they refused the limos. Sesshoumaru had once said that what little of the world that was left had to be enjoyed. InuYasha couldn't have agreed more. Passing down the empty street, Inuyasha's eyes fell on a familiar bar. Clearing his throat yet not breaking their pace, he nodded towards the bar as they walked on. "We should go there, after work."

Sesshoumaru didn't look at his brother but grumbled, "maybe," before turning to stare at the scene next to him. In Inuyasha's human form, he would never have picked up on it, but Sesshoumaru did. He grimaced as he narrowed his eyes. On their right there was a girl pressed against the door talking to a man who seemed to be the owner of the bar. The girl was dressed like she had crawled out of bed just to make it to the bar, her multicolored hair cluttered in her face. She seemed to be begging for a drink. He closed his eyes for a moment then returned his gaze set straight ahead. He knew it was her. He knew what he had heard. The conversation had been short between the girl that he had known as Kagome and the bar tender. She was begging to get in there early, offering things that made Sesshoumaru's stomach flip at the thought of. She said she needed a fix…needed something to numb the pain. The bartender turned her away. Sesshoumaru blinked the flicker of sorrow out of his eyes. 'So she is here…I thought as much. I could smell her…I could feel her aura. Does she know InuYasha lives? Would she care?' He sighed again and returned his train of thought to the meeting ahead. No need to cause his brother more mental deterioration.

**Heard of me the routine scar  
New cuts cover where the old ones are**

InuYasha sat at the bar staring into his vodka. Sesshoumaru had declined getting a drink after the meetings, something about strategically planning for the future. Though his brother had somehow managed to mold him into a mini-Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha's stubbornness always won over the battles, and tonight was no different. He wanted a drink…not to get trashed but to help him sleep. After a long time of trying and failing, he realized that he could not sleep unless he had some type of alcohol in his system. He needed it…he needed it to calm him, to sooth him. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing her face while sober. She haunted him day in and out. Sure, he could have gone to the well to meet her when she left him in his time…he could have stopped her from sealing the well…but it had been her decision. It was what she wanted to do. She wanted to leave him…he let her. When that day rolled around four years ago, when he could have stopped her, he had drunk then he ever had ever before. So much in fact that he had passed out for two days. It had not been the most pleasant of experiences, especially the after effects.

A pool stick thumped down on the bar dangerously close to his hands but he didn't flinch. Looking briefly over his shoulder, he glared at the owner. A younger guy, probably in his mid twenties with a shit grin plastered to his face, was at the other end of the stick. InuYasha thought for a moment about putting his head through the bar but decided against it. This new tavern wasn't bad and he wasn't in a big hurry to get kicked out of it. Sure, he had been flung out of many American taverns…but when they had been swinging doors made of wood, not steel. "You wanna play pool, boy?"

InuYasha merely raised an eyebrow and took a swig of his vodka. He looked from the offending stick of wood to the owner and growled lightly.

The other guy put his hands up in the air and laughed heartedly. "No offense meant…just seen you brooding and figured you could use a pick me up. My boys and me always play pool on Thursday nights. You just seem so damn pathetic sitting here sipping some hard shit…come play pool wit us…" he looked to InuYasha and stumbled for a name.

InuYasha glanced again from the stick to the man then sighed. Holding out his hand, he tilted his head, "call me Yash." He stood slowly from the stool and ordered a bud to walk with.

The man seemed a little less stressed when he got an answer and held out his hand, "my name's Pete…that there is Andy and Bobby." He pointed to some rather gruff looking trash by the table and InuYasha scowled. Picking up a pool stick, he looked at it for a moment then sighed. Pete rounded the table and set up the balls. "You wanna put a wager on this little game, Yash? What do you say, twenty bucks for each ball?"

InuYasha rubbed the tip of the stick in the blue chalk, all the time never taking his eyes off of the hooligan in front on him. 'So that's his angle, is it?' he managed to hide his smirk. If he had learned one thing from living with Sesshoumaru, it was how to control his emotions. Being stoic, he had come to learn, had its advantages. He nodded once and looked to the pool stick. "Care to tell me the rules of your game?"

The three men looked at each other, the ploy of swindling a poor drunk passed across their faces. Pete walked around the table and put an arm around Inuyasha's shoulders. "Well, my friend, I'll break and the ball that rolls into dere dem holes will be my color. The other kind is yours. If you drop the Q ball into dem holes, you lose your turn…and it's an extra fifty dollars…got it?"

InuYasha shook the man's arm off and glared at him from the corner of his eye. "I think I can manage."

Pete broke the round with little precision and InuYasha let him win the round easy, coughing up three hundred dollars, making sure to flash the other bills in his wallet to the guys. It had its desired effect. Pete's eyes lit up and he immediately offered him a chance to get back his money, double or nothing, cause Pete was, "such a great guy."

InuYasha walked around the table and studied the formation of the set. He was to break.

Bobby hacked up something unruly and laughed, "Yo, you guys think Kaggie will be here today?"

InuYasha paid little attention to them as he stared at the set. He glanced up and scowled. "You mind watchin your yappin…you're messing up my shot."

Bobby laughed and hit Pete in his arm, "your money tree got a mouth!"

InuYasha narrowed his eyes and made his shot, sending five solid balls into various different pockets. He could just about feel their jaws drop open. He grinned and shrugged his shoulders, "good shot I guess."

Pete huffed and leaned back into Bobby. "You're whore, Kaggie? That ain't her name, is it?"

Bobby shrugged and laughed deeply, "fuck if I care…all I give a damn about is the fact that she likes it hard, likes me to smack her around and she swallows. So hey, I'm good with calling her whatever she wants me to…"

InuYasha gripped the stick tighter as he made another shot sending two balls into the holes. He growled under his breath and glared at the two men. He did not like where this conversation was going. If there had been one thing, over all the years that had eaten away at him, it was men who abused woman for the sheer fact that they could. For a long time, he had sought out these men and beat the living shit out of them. Now he suddenly felt the familiar feeling that he was staring at a set of those types of men…those bastards. 'I might be slightly intoxicated but I could take them out without breaking a sweat.' He took another shot and listened closer.

The slightly older of the three, Andy, sneered and took a sip of his Budweiser. "Told you to stay away from that cunt…from what I know, she'll suck for a drink…took Dan out back the other night and gave him a real good time, ya know. He just covered her tab. But you gotta watch out, Mike tried to get her on the dance floor bout a week ago and boy oh boy did she clonk him one good. Right in the jaw…you know dem Japanese women pack a punch!"

InuYasha completely missed the ball listening to their conversation. He backed away from the half wiped out table and stared at the men, disgust etching his face. He bit back his retort with fury in his eyes.

Pete ignored the anger welling in his silent opponents eyes yet still missed his shot by a mile and threw the stick to the ground. "Fuck me! I'm getting bad with my old age!"

Bobby sighed and sat back on the stool closest to the pool table. "Yeah, she can sure pack a fuckin punch all right. Hasn't hit me…never got the chance. We're in her bed the minute we get into her apartment. She lives in Battery Park, ya know. A rich Jap at that! Tell ya; she can knock my fuckin socks off in bed. She don't seem to care come morning though…just always telling me to get out. Says she's just trying to get rid of her frustration. Something bout some guy back home. Says she blames her family…something bout a shrine or some shit." He shrugged and chugged the rest of his beer.

InuYasha clutched the stick with all of his might and walked around the table. He leveled out his winning shot dangerously close to Bobby. He gritted his teeth listening to them trash the girl they were talking about. It was something he hated with a passion and that was gossip.

Then three chain reactions occurred at once.

Bobby opened his fat mouth. "Oh, I know what her name is now. Shit, it's…Kagawhata….no….Kagome, that's it."  
The shot that InuYasha was lining to take suddenly took a new trajectory. The ball rocketed with such an intense force off the table and flew into Bobby's left eye. Bobby flew backwards on the stool and howled in pain. InuYasha was on him in a second. He grabbed him by his collar and turned and thrust him into the wall. Holding him a good foot off the ground, the Five foot ten hanyou glared into the six foot three mans eyes. "What the fuck did you just say?" InuYasha was sure that the words were punctuated by growls…angry ones at that. He felt hot and cold all at the same time. His world had turned upside down with one mutter of a distant name…a name he had tried to avoid saying for five centuries. He tried to calm himself but his demon was bursting through the cracks in the onyx ring, threatening to kill this man in his hands. 'There are a thousand girls in Japan with the name Kagome…calm down…there has to be some mistake.'

Then it happened.

**And now I'm sick of this  
I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts **

**That grade away on my sanity  
I rather not even be then the man **

**That's staring in the mirror through me**

The door to the front jingled open and for some reason it was all that InuYasha could hear. He could feel Bobby's friend's hands on his arm, trying to pry their friend free. He could see their mouth's moving yet to him, he couldn't hear a single word being said. He was sure it was profane, whatever was being screamed. He could see the man in his grasp's face turning blue, but it didn't matter. _She_ walked in the door. He didn't need his senses to smell her, didn't need inferred vision to see past the shell she had built around herself. He could see through her short multicolor….multicolor?…hair, past the sultry clothing she clothed herself in. he could see the girl in the short green shirt and white top with the smile that lit up a room…and it broke him over again. He dropped Bobby on the ground and glared down at him. "Don't. Go. Near. Her. You hear me? You go near her again, I'll rip out your fucking _throat_! _Any questions_?"

Bobby scooted away from the demon and stood up with the help of his friends. "Dude, you're fuckin nuts!"

The insinuation fell on deaf ears. InuYasha had already put on his trench coat and was out of the back door in a flash. He pulled himself into the alley behind the bar and threw his back against the club's wall. He stared straight ahead for what felt like hours. Sliding to the ground, he stared at the cold bricks unblinking. 'She's here…she's been in the city all along…why, why is she here? What did she do to herself? Is that the new Kagome? Backstabbing heartbreaking bitch?' he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to pretend like he didn't see her…like he didn't feel her presence. He felt the anger and rage for the last five centuries boil in his blood and threaten to explode. In a sheer act of anger, he tore the onyx ring off his finger and cast it deep into his pocket. Immediately, as if a chameleon torn from its environment, his hair that was tucked in a neat braid became silver and unruly, his dead purple eyes gave way to become a fiery blaze of anger and unyielding pain. He stood for a moment, his fist clenched at his side, nails digging into his palms and he growled. He growled in anger, in frustration…he growled in pain, in torment. He saw her…he saw his Kagome. And it killed him.

**Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me**

InuYasha jumped up to the rooftop of the bar and perched himself on the cement blocks, staring down into the street. 'Will she sense me? Will she know I'm here? Has she already come looking for me? Did she know I was living here in New York?' the words that the men spoke of her…the degradations and rude comments swirled around in his head. Bringing up his clawed hands, he dropped his head into them. 'No, Kagome would never…my Kagome would never stoop to that! She wouldn't…. no…she couldn't su…she….' He took a deep breath, trying to remember to breath throughout the entire ordeal. A part of him was screaming…screaming in memories, screaming in remorse, in anger and regret. A part of him wanted to storm back into that bar and ream her out for leaving him in the past, for abandoning him…for killing him. Another part of him wanted to run and not look back, to get as far away from the building as he could…to never return to the emotional mess he had put himself within in the first place…that was what he needed, to get away. But his legs would not move. He sat staring off at the entrance to the club and could not move to do anything about it. His legs were stiff, frozen to the rooftop. So he watched…and he watched. Memories flowed like a river around his mind, wrapping around his eyes and twisting his brain. Images…memories of laughter, of smiles, of good times, of journeys, of hardships, of tears, of sharing dreams, of sharing nightmares…of being with her, racked his brain. Was he going to be okay after seeing her? Only time would tell.

**Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me**

It was a little over three hours before she left the bar. He watched her from his stationary spot on the top of the roof, his gold eyes piecing through the blanket of night. He watched as she stumbled her way down Chambers Ave and he slowly stood up. Watching her make her way, he decided to do something he had yet to do since moving to the city so many years ago; stretch his legs. Taking off with speed that he long forgot he possessed, he leapt from rooftop to rooftop following the girl under the cloak of darkness. Finally settling on a roof across from the building Kagome entered, he watched and waited. For what felt like hours, he watched the building waiting to see a light turn on in the dim apartments. Finally a light near the top of the building turned on and his eyes lit up. He jumped from the rooftop deck he was at across the street and settled in on a balcony close to hers. He watched her balcony carefully as if waiting for her appear.

'Kagome…'

"InuYasha."

InuYasha blinked rapidly as the door to her balcony opened and the girl walked out of her apartment. 'She knows I'm here?' he held his breath in uncertainty. She walked to the railing of her terrace and traced the beam with her fingers. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he leapt from a terrace across from her to the one above her. 'Can she sense me? Does she know I'm here?'

Kagome leaned over the banister and she sighed deeply. Staring off into the skyline of the city, she cried out, "why me? If InuYasha lived today…would he recognize me? Would he be ashamed? God InuYasha, why did you leave me? Why did you leave me alone? Why…why didn't you go with her? Why did you let him kill you?" in her hand was a bottle of absolute, which was halfway empty. She finished it off in a matter of seconds and threw the bottle back inside of her apartment. She threw her head back and let the wind blow through her short hair.

InuYasha coughed and leaned over the railing. Gazing down at the girl below him, he once again felt emotions wash over him like waves on a shore. He inhaled sharply and scowled. 'She's plastered…and I mean, she is beyond wasted.' He leaned closer, staring intently on the girl below him.

Kagome sighed and then chocked back on a sob. A look of set determination overtook her face as she tightened her hands on the rail. With a hop, she planted her feet on the metal beam and stood up, overlooking the deadly drop. She threw her arms out to her side and threw her head back. Screaming into the night, her voice pierced Inuyasha's ears…and soul. "I'm sorry…"

InuYasha jumped the rail of the balcony and leaned down to watch what she was doing. With a morbid curiosity, he let his lips form a thin line as he listened and watched her…the gasped. The last thing he expected her to do…the last thing he ever thought possible. The girl flung herself forward off the balcony. InuYasha jumped over the edge of his railing, falling behind her. He grabbed her wrist and with his other hand, clung onto a banister. Flinging her behind him, he threw her onto the terrace before landing behind her. When her body connected with the floor, she was out cold.

InuYasha carefully approached her and knelt down next to her. He wanted to block out the familiar smells of her hair…of her body…he didn't want to remember. He didn't want to remember what it felt like to be with her, to talk to her, to hold her. He didn't want to remember anything. Yet here he was…with her…unconscious…on a terrace of a building in New York City. 'What's the odds?' he grimaced as he slowly worked his hands under her body and lift her against his chest, holding her bridal style. He leapt up the two stories that they had fallen to her building, cradling her against him. He opened the door with his foot and slowly entered her house. His eyes widened as he took in the surroundings.

Her floor was cluttered with empty bottles of alcohol. Clothes were strung about, mixed with books and newspapers. The room looked as if it had not been cleaned in over two months. He grimaced as he pushed clothes off her bed and then slowly placed her in the bed. He slowly reached down, with one hand, and cupped her cheek. Her face was flushed from the cold winds of night and her body was freezing. He brought up her down-blanket from the foot of her bed and wrapped it over her body. He very slowly traced her jaw line with one finger, his eyes softening with a sudden rush of old feelings. What felt like for the first time in years, he could feel his heart beating, and it was a wonderful feeling. He felt a smile slip to his lips as he stared at her sleeping form. The smile soon faded, like all things, as he traced over her eyebrow ring cautiously. "What did you do to yourself?" he sighed and leaned down and pressed his lips gently to her forehead.

For a moment, he could feel her pain…for a moment, like a flash of lightning; he could see everything so clear, so crisp. She had felt betrayed; she thought he had…left her? He sighed and shook his head slowly. 'God what did she do to herself? She looks so…different.' He ran his hand through her hair and fell to his knees next to her bedside. 'Kagome…why…she tried to kill herself…she actually would have done it if I had not been…' he leaned down and brushed her bangs from her face. 'I broke my promise. I promised to protect her…i…I let her turn into this…I let her hurt herself. All these years…all my anger…she didn't leave me, she thought I left her.' a numb pain shot through his chest and he fell backwards to sit on the floor. 'She must have heard me talking to Kikyo that day…she must have thought I really did leave her. That I was going to go to…' his eyes welled with unshed tears as he looked at his fallen angel, lying so peaceful in her bed. He wanted to hold her, to rock her, to tell her that he was okay and that it was all going to be okay. But would it…was it going to be okay? Rising back to his knees, he brought his nose to her cheek. Nuzzling her skin lightly, he kissed her forehead again. 'I will protect you Kagome…I will protect you from yourself.' He stood up and walked on shaky legs to the other side of the apartment. Locking her door, he walked back to the terrace door. Looking over his shoulder, he gave the sleeping girl a fleeting glance then dove off the end back into night in which he had come.

**Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me**

InuYasha got back to the apartment around three thirty in the morning, more sober then he had ever been. Normally when he got home at this hour, he trashed part of the house before threatening to throw himself off the roof…or Sesshoumaru threatening to do it for him. He walked quietly through the house before pausing at the studies door. One thing about their penthouse apartment was that it had nearly as many rooms as their mansion in Versailles. Five bedrooms, a family room, a den, a study, and three full bathrooms…it was perfect. He pushed the door of the study open to find his brother asleep behind his mahogany desk with 'war and peace' resting on his desk. 'Was he waiting up for me?' InuYasha rolled his eyes and picked the book up off the desk and looked over the cover.

"Even when you're drunk, you would never be able to comprehend the meaning behind the words."

InuYasha blinked then looked at his brother whose eyes were still firmly closed. He sneered then looked to the electric fireplace on his right. "I was just thinking how great a book like this is, while sitting in front of a fire…you know, can keep a fire going to hours with it!"

Sesshoumaru snapped open one eye and in an instant, had ripped the book away from his brother's grasp. "You will do no such thing, baka. This is a first edition and is worth insurmountable money." He paused and sniffed in his brother's direction. Straightening his back, he scowled at the boy, "you do not smell like alcohol…but…a woman…." His eyes widened and he sunk back into his chair. "I see you found her then."

Inuyasha's eyes widened in shock, then in fury. He slammed both of his hands down onto the desk and screamed, "you knew she was here?"

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and clicked his teeth, "temper, temper, InuYasha…know your place."

InuYasha pulled back and gave his brother a small frown, sarcasm dripping from each word. "I forgot…emotions make us weak…forgive my irrational logic."

Sesshoumaru stood slowly from his chair and pulled at the collar of his shirt, settling the polo back into place. "No need to be an ass, InuYasha."

InuYasha walked around and stood a foot from his brother. "How could you not tell me? You knew…you knew Kagome was here and yet you said nothing!"

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to his right shoulder, "interesting."

InuYasha growled back, "What's that?"

Sesshoumaru crossed his arms and gave InuYasha a hard glare, "for five hundred and four years, you have avoided saying that woman's name…you feared saying her name for the memories it would stir inside of your heart. Yet now you can bark out her name without fear…without a glimmer of sadness in your eyes. Have you forgiven the wench that ripped out your heart that easily?"

**Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me**

InuYasha froze on the spot, his back going ridged. "I…I don't know. I know what I saw though, and she seems to be almost as bad off as I am."

Sesshoumaru huffed, "says the billionaire playboy."

InuYasha growled but let the statement die. "Look…have you seen her? Have you talked to her?"

Sesshoumaru ran a hand through his hair and put the book back into the shelf behind the desk. Keeping his back turned to InuYasha he answered, "no…I have not. I have avoided speaking with her or anyone affiliated with her." he paused and sighed heavily. Placing his hands on the bookcase, he leaned forwards and hung his head towards the shelves away from his brother. "We passed her today…this afternoon…on the way to the meeting. I recognized her smell…but InuYasha…the girl I saw was nothing to the girl you knew…."

InuYasha merely nodded. "I know…but when I felt her enter the bar, I knew her presence. I could see right past the hair cut and clothes…I could see the Kagome I knew…the Kagome I…."

Sesshoumaru turned around and glowered at the boy, his voice slightly raised in a very un-Sesshoumaru fashion. "Don't say it!"

InuYasha blinked and sighed, dropping into one of the leather chairs. "why? Why should I not say it?"

Sesshoumaru leaned against the wall and crossed his arms across his chest, "she abandoned you…"

InuYasha blinked, "because she thought I abandoned her!"

Sesshoumaru growled, "she sealed the well…"

InuYasha threw his hands up into the air, "because she thought I went to hell with Kikyo! Probably thought what she was doing was for the best!"

Sesshoumaru shook his head, "so you now stand up for her actions? I'm sorry that you are so fast to forgive her, InuYasha…I'm sorry that you are ready to line up and get your heart shattered again."

InuYasha sighed and closed his head. Dropping it into his hands, he took deep rugged breaths, "I don't know Sesshoumaru...i don't know what to do anymore. I love her…I always have…that will never change. But…I mean…she…she..."

Sesshoumaru stood upright and frowned, "how did she handle your appearance?"

InuYasha paused and glanced at the lack of ring on his finger, "she…didn't …know I was there. She…she uhh…tried to jump off her balcony. I was there in time to stop her."

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and his frown deepened. "So she wishes for death as well?"

InuYasha closed his eyes, the disturbing picture of her current state plaguing his mind. "You haven't seen her…she's a mess…she…she changed everything, looks so different. I would never have…thought…"

Sesshoumaru nodded once, "I know…I saw her…I saw what she had become." He ran a hand over his face and his frown deepened, "InuYasha…when I saw her, she was begging for a drink…for a chance to get just one sip of Sake. Do you really wish to associate with someone of that caliber?"

InuYasha blinked again then stared at his brother. Standing slowly he closed his eyes. "I don't know what I want." He walked from the room and without another word went up to the terrace.

**I feel it everyday  
I feel I made my way  
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside  
Swallowing me**

InuYasha sat on the roof until the sun came up. he sat pondering the meaning of life…he pondered what he had missed in the last four years of her life…what she went through, what she thought…how she acted, what changed. He wondered how her brother looked as a young man, wondered if her grandfather was still alive…how her mother was faring. He thought of the young girl, once so innocent, so full of life…and then he saw her. The girl he put to bed last night, the barest form of the girl he had known years prior. For a long moment, he wondered if she was but a dream. Yet her scent was on him…on his shirt, on his hands. It was a scent that he would never tire of. He had been a fool…for so long he had tried to put off his feelings for her, pushed her away from him with cruel words or harsh actions. She had tried, he had come to realize, so many times, to make things right with him, to make him love her and he gave her the cold shoulder.

Yet when Kikyo came around…he dropped whatever it was he was doing to see her. He put his pack in danger because of her…because of Kikyo. 'No wonder why she thought I went to hell with her!' he sighed and ran a hand through his black hair. ' All these years of hatred…I should have been waiting for her…I should have greeted her when she tried to seal the well. Instead I moved to America…to get as far away from her as I could. She was my angel…mine to protect and I let her down…I let her turn to these things…'

**It can't be frightening if you've never felt it  
Once it's been dealt with**

**you feel like you've been touched**

**by something angelic**

A cup of coffee brought him out of his thoughts as it was thrust under his nose. Turning quickly he found Sesshoumaru sitting next to him in the iron patio chairs. The brothers sat in silence and watched the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean…over the city that never sleeps. Only after the sun was over its horizon did Sesshoumaru speak. "I've watched many sun rises…many of them I watched with Rin from the top of our house in Kyoto."

InuYasha nodded solemnly.

Sesshoumaru took a sip of his coffee, sadness brewing in his eyes. Though the demon would never dare to show the emotion on his face, InuYasha could feel it…he could feel waves of regret and tension rolling off his brother. "There are things in life I regret, InuYasha. Many things indeed. I regret not making Rin continue to drink my blood to prolong her life…I regret not realizing that I did have a blood brother earlier on my life…and for the longest time I regretted brining you back to life."

InuYasha turned in sheer shock to stare at Sesshoumaru. He was surprised that he managed not to drop his coffee. "What…you what?"

Sesshoumaru sighed and put his coffee on the tiny glass table that graced the brick terrace. "Did I stutter?"

InuYasha sat back and stared at his brother, his fierce golden eyes glowing bright in the morning sun. "I don't know what to tackle first…you…you think of me…." he sighed and ran both his hands through his hair and let his gaze fall to the floor. "You think of my as a brother?"

Sesshoumaru managed to conceal his snide grin and nodded once, "you are my blood brother, are you not?"

InuYasha gave him a small smile, "yes…yes I am."

Sesshoumaru raised his eyebrow, "then why are you shocked?"

InuYasha frowned, "bastard. You know why I'm shocked…you have never said…you have never looked at me as…your family."

Sesshoumaru blinked once then sighed heavily, "I…that is…InuYasha, these past five hundred years have been difficult for both of us. I realize now…I realize that you are our father's son, maybe more so then I am. I stopped letting emotions run my life…after mother passed. I remember crying at her burial…and do you know what father said to me? He told me to be strong, to not let my emotions run my life." He gave a rather minute smile and shook his head slowly, taking a mouthful of his coffee, "he also told me crying is for wenches and worthless men." He blinked and put the coffee back on the table, "I have used that knowledge for seven centuries and do you want to know what I found?"

InuYasha nodded once, "hai."

"That he was correct. But what he failed to instill upon me…what he failed to clarify was that sometimes emotions are needed; emotions of love, of hate…of anger and of passion need to be expressed. The rest can be controlled to their proper extent. I've tried to teach you this over these past years but much like father, you're stubborn."

InuYasha grinned and sipped his coffee. "This is the most open I think you have ever been with me, Fluffy…I feel loved." He grinned and made the motion to wipe a non-existent tear off his cheek.

Sesshoumaru let loose a rather deep growl and sneered, "I will throw you off this roof, half breed, if you refer to me by that title again."

InuYasha laughed and laid his head back on the iron chair. "Hai, I understand."

Sesshoumaru turned and gazed out at the city and fell into silence.

InuYasha watched Sesshoumaru and he frowned after a moment. "You miss her, don't you?"

Without hesitation, Sesshoumaru responded, "with every beat of my heart."

InuYasha shook his head and took another sip from his mug. "Why wouldn't she continue drinking your blood? Why did she choose death?"

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and clenched his fists, "she outlived any human…she lived two hundred years InuYasha but her body was beginning to give out. Though the blood continued to flow, her body began to loose its agility, its abilities. The more blood she drank the further into depression she fell. I do not pretend to understand it…I do not know why…but she gave up. She said she was in pain, that was enough for me to know." He turned slowly to InuYasha, "creatures like you and me, we were meant to be soulless, to prowl the streets at night and feed off children's nightmares. We were meant to be demons…to be the hated monsters of the world. We were not meant to love. Humans were not supposed to be our mates. And yet…both you, father, and I…we fell for them regardless of customs…of popular belief." He sighed and looked at InuYasha, "do you know why I resented you for so long?"

InuYasha blinked and shook his head no slowly. Never before had Sesshoumaru spoken so gentle, so…non-prestigious. It was as if he was speaking to InuYasha as an equal for the first time in his life.

"Because you were father's chosen child."

**And then melted down into a pool of peace  
Cease to be the animal you used to be  
Remove the broken parts you know were wrong  
And feel the karma when the problem's all gone **

InuYasha did drop his mug to the bricks this time, letting it shatter into a hundred pieces. Sesshoumaru didn't flinch, he simply continued to stare into the city skyline, "father was destined to marry my mother, and it had been decreed when they were pups. Father mated with her for the family name, for the pure blood of his family genes. You…father chose your mother for his mate. He fell in love with her and married her after my mother had been dead for a little less than two centuries. He loved her…a love that surpassed reason and ration. You were the product of that joining. You were the child of their love…I was a child of destiny. To feel inadequate…to feel like I was merely a trophy…it angered me. The simple thought still boils my blood to this day." He finished his coffee and set the mug on the table. "And then when father left you the sword of death…" his voice fell away and he stood up slowly, walking to the edge of the terrace. "I realize now…as I did five hundred years ago when you impaled yourself upon my sword…that tetsusaiga belonged to you…as did our fathers blood. You are a warrior InuYasha. You _are_ your fathers son."

InuYasha stood up and took a step towards his brother, "as are you."

Sesshoumaru gave him a very small smile and nodded, "yes…I am."

InuYasha took another step towards him. He wanted to tell Sesshoumaru what it meant to him that he had taken him in for so long, dealt with all of his shit…he wanted to thank him for everything yet the words…he could not find.

Sesshoumaru seemed to read the emotions playing across the hanyou's face and he nodded once in understanding. He glanced at the distance between him and his brother and scowled, "if you touch me, I'll will end your miserable life. Be warned."

InuYasha wanted to laugh but something else was bothering him. He turned and rested his elbows on the railing. "So that's great and all…really…but why then do you regret bringing me back to life?"

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and breathed in the morning air. After a deep breath, the demon lord answered the hanyou, "Because I interfered. I knew why you wished to die…I knew why you wanted to leave this plane of existence. After all these years of watching you torture yourself, after watching you let yourself die every night in a drunken stupor, crying out to that wench and to the Kamis…I realized that I should have let you have your peace."

InuYasha stared at his brother then stood up shaking his head. "All right, this is to fucking strange. Who the hell are you and what the fuck did you do to my bastard brother?"

Sesshoumaru sighed and turned from the sunrise and walked towards the French cut terrace doors. "Half breed if it is indeed love you feel for this wench, despite what she has put you through, then go to her. Be with her."

InuYasha blinked and turned to stare at his brother. "Nani?"

Sesshoumaru walked into the apartment without another word, allowing his brother to figure something out for the first time in his life.

**And then melted down into a pool of peace  
Cease to be the animal you used to be  
Remove the broken parts you know were wrong  
And feel the karma when the problem's all gone**

InuYasha watched Kagome leave the bar from his rooftop dwellings. He followed her back to her apartment as he had been doing for the past three weeks. Every day was the same routine. Get up at seven, work till noon, practice with Sesshoumaru either hand-to-hand combat or sword fighting, work till five, get changed and go out into the night. Sesshoumaru had told him that he would be willing to buy him a batman costume if he were going to continue being a "chicken shit" and avoid talking to her, so if authorities ever spotted him, it would be even more humorous to read about. He cracked his knuckles looking at the piece of garbage she had brought home with her this night. Though the sheer thought of Kagome offering her body to these sacs of crap made his stomach churn, he never interfered until the opportune moment…or until they stepped foot onto the balcony. Tonight was no exception.

As always, as soon as they entered her apartment, they began to strip each other of their clothes and paw at each other as they waded their way through the garbage in her room to her bed. He scowled and picked up a piece of gravel from the opposing roof. He snapped back and hurled the stone across the street with dead on precision and nailed the wood of her balcony door. The two lovers adventure ceased for a moment and InuYasha jumped to the balcony above hers.

Every night he would wait for the asshole to get onto the balcony, then with demonic speed, would grab the guy and scare the living shit out of him and deposit him across the way from Kagome's apartment. By time he would return, all of ten seconds later, she would be passed out on her bed. The repetitive nature of her actions made his blood boil…who was she to do such things? It was not his Kagome…he had to keep telling himself this. The girl he now protected, the girl whose life he could only watch from afar…this was a shell of the girl he used to know…a mere shed of skin of her. He could only guess that the Kagome he knew…the Kagome that smiled like the one in the pictures that were strung about sporadically on her walls…that Kagome died. Now he was forced from her life…held outside by an unbreakable barrier. He knew bits and pieces of what she thought happened. he knew what destroyed her…what ate away at the poor frail girl from the inside out. Some nights, when he would lock the door to prevent anyone from breaking in, he would hear her crying out in her sleep. Crying out to him. God how he wanted to go to her, curl her into his chest and rock her into a peaceful sleep. Some of those more rough nights, he would sleep on the balcony above hers…an abandoned apartment, probably belonging to some rock star on tour, just to catch a glimpse of her in the morning. It was those mornings that he understood why she was the way she was. So many mornings she would curse the light of day…plead for the Kamis to take her away. Each cry from her mouth pulled at his heart. Yet he could not go to her. What would she say? How would she feel if she knew? Would she accept him? Could he trust her? Those doubts alone formed the emotional barrier between the two. He would not help ruin her life anymore.

Today, as it turned out for InuYasha, was different. As he waited on the balcony above to snatch away the offending asshole that dared to lay a hand on his Kagome, she went to the balcony before the bastard. InuYasha was leaning over the other railing when he recognized the scent. With a second's veil, he managed to slip on the onyx ring in his pocket. Her eyes met his form in the night's sky and she froze. For an awkward second, neither spoke. Kagome, standing on her terrace, InuYasha half hangs down off of the one above her and neither having a word to say.

"Did you throw a rock at my window?"

InuYasha blinked then cursed under his breath. If he had his demon senses, he would have been able to judge just how drunk the girl in front of him was. "no," he lied.

Kagome tapped her foot and turned in the light, trying to get a better image of the man cloaked in darkness above her. She crossed her arms and tried to give him a defiant stare. "You're not Bon Jovi."

InuYasha chuckled then clapped his hands slowly. "You're a quick one, ain't ya?"

He saw her froze and he did the same. 'Does she recognize my voice? After four years, can she still pick me out of a crowd?'

Kagome cleared her throat and took a step away from the railing. "That's supposed to be his apartment…what are you doing there?"

InuYasha sighed in relief. 'She must think I'm a thief or…damn.' He laughed deeply again and threw in a western draw to his words, an accent he had used back in the early 1800's when he and Sesshoumaru had lived out in the west. "I'm just looking after the place for him. Don't want it getting to messy, ya know?"

Her shoulders slumped and she tapped her foot impatiently. InuYasha could hear the catcalls of her night's lover inside. "Do me a favor and stop throwing shit at my window. I don't appreciate it. And don't try to look into my windows…I'll call the police."

He couldn't stifle the growl that built in the back of his throat. He wasn't going to be able to get the guy away from her. 'Shit. I'm not going to let this asshole touch Kagome…I will protect her!'

**And then you start to see another piece of yourself that you can't let be  
And that reason'll last fight to free yourself  
Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well**

He shifted on the balcony unsure of what to do. He tapped his foot impatiently then growled. Thankfully, he had decided against Sesshoumaru's idea of the batman costume and had worn a black sweatshirt and with him always came his shades. "Hey!"

Kagome paused on her entrance back into her apartment and looked over her shoulder. "What do you want?"

InuYasha winched at how dead her voice sounded. It was like pins in his heart, knowing deep down that he was the cause for her suffering. He swallowed his pride and took a step closer to her. "Do you think I can go through your apartment to get inside the building? I kind of…well…locked myself out of my place."

Kagome narrowed her eyes and stared up at him. With very defined disbelief, she repeated his words, "Locked yourself out?"

InuYasha knew it was a horrible lie but he was not about to let her screw this sleaze ball. He had hit on Kagome a couple nights, more so recently, and every night InuYasha battled down his Youkai that demanded a sacrifice of the mans blood. InuYasha had watched this man leave the club with a different woman every night and if he wasn't a walking STD then he didn't know what was. "Yeah, I left my keys inside when I was…watering…his plants…and I guess the terrace doors lock behind us." 'God she's going to think I'm a thief and she's going to kill me.' he had seen the glint of anger in her eyes before, and it was right before she sent him to the ground with that god damned word.

To his utter shock, Kagome gave him a waning smile, "yeah, they do that sometimes. If you can get down here…you can cut across into…"

She didn't need to say anything more, with movements of a professional gymnast; InuYasha hurdled over the rail of the upper balcony. He heard her scream before he landed on her rail. He had long since put his hair under his hood and put his glasses on. He watched as her eyes widened a little and she took an instinctive step back. 'At least she's on the ball still.' He gave her a wide grin and shrugged, "sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

She did a quick one two of his outfit and blocked her door. "Care to tell me why you're wearing sun glasses at night?"

'Shit.' His mind whirled with possible explanations. "They're prescriptions. I lost my normal glasses and am now stuck with these god awful things."

Kagome crinkled her nose but made her way into her room. "Don't mind the mess, the door is in the hallway."

Immediately, her suitor of the night had his arms wrapped around her waist. "I was waiting for you baby…who are you talking to?"

InuYasha walked in and recoiled back a step. The man was half naked, only dressed in boxers and was…well…not fitting them correctly. He knew his tone darkened the moment he opened his mouth, "hey…aren't you Greg…uhh…Greg from Moe's...I see you there every so often."

Kagome pulled back and tapped her foot, pointing towards the door. "If you don't mind…"

Greg didn't seem too happy about the intruder. "Who the hell are you?"

Kagome put a hand on the brutes arm and kissed his chin, an action that made InuYasha clench his fist. "He was stuck on Bon Jovi's balcony. I'm letting him cut through the hall."

Greg pulled back and glared at the boy. "ey, what were you doin…"

InuYasha waved a hand at him, "can it…I just fuckin got trapped out there. I already told the wench…." His eyes widened, as did Kagome's and he forced himself to continue talking; if he stopped now, the shit would hit the fan. "Why I was out there…I shouldn't have to answer to you. Besides, you're married…what the hell are you doing _in_ here?" it wasn't a lie…he had watched the businessman get to the bar every night, after Kagome was already there, and take off his wedding ring.

Greg's eyes widened and Kagome's nearly popped out of her head. She turned immediately around on her heels and smacked the guy, hard, across his face. "You're married?"

Greg turned with the blow and raised his hand, "don't fuckin hit me, bitch!"

**And now you know you can choose to lose the part in your heart  
Where your insides bruise  
You can live if you're willing to  
Put a stop to just what's killing you**

Kagome turned, ready for the blow but it never came. Turning back around, she found her intruder had Greg by his wrist, which was bent at a funny angle over his pathetic bald head.

InuYasha wanted to rip the man's bloody arm off. He would have to if Kagome was not five feet away…maybe if she was ten feet, but not five. He brought his mouth to Greg's ear and hissed, "say you're sorry to the nice lady and that you won't bother her again. Tell her that you're a slime ball who has cheated on his wife with god knows how many women…and men." He pulled a little harder on Greg's wrist, feeling the brittle bones about to snap. "Say it!"  
Greg's face blanched as he spurted out, "I'm sorry…yes I'm married…yes I've cheated on my wife…god who are you? Please, don't hurt me…let me go…"

InuYasha looked up to Kagome and gave her a small frown, "I'll take the trash out, if you want me to. It's on my way."

Kagome nodded once and opened the door for them. She watched as InuYasha pulled the man down the hallway.

As soon as they were around the corner, he threw the man against the wall, holding him with one hand pinned. "Fucker, if you ever go around Kagome again, I'll kill you, you got that?"

Greg sneered back immediately, "what are you, her fuckin stalker?"

**Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me**

InuYasha slipped the ring off his finger and felt his claws first. So did Greg. They dug small holes; shallow holes, but holes nonetheless, into his neck.   
Greg gasped and began back peddling against the wall. InuYasha grinned an evil smile with a full set of K-9's at the man. "If you ever even look at her sideways, I'll find you, no matter where you are, and teach you the meaning of the word pain. You got me, you little cock sucking fuck?" he pulled back and back handed the man with his knuckles, letting him go with his other hand. He could feel the man's cheekbone give way under his punch and watched the man fall to the floor.

Greg screamed in pain and tried to crawl away from the savage in front of him. "no…please…dear god, lord Jesus…what are you?"

InuYasha knelt down next to him, while sliding the ring onto his finger in his pocket. Instantly he looked human again yet still managed to give the man a sadistic smile, "Freddy-fucking-Kruger will look like a pussy cat next to me. Got it?"

The man nodded and ran out the door faster then his legs would carry him. InuYasha stood up and wiped off his hands and slid back on his wood.

**Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me**

InuYasha threw his hood up and put on his shades with a new feeling building in his gut. A long dead feeling…a feeling he was sure he would never have again. Happiness. He walked out of the building with a smug look of content on his face before he felt a hand around his neck. With blinding speed, he was slammed back first into the concrete wall of Kagome's apartment. Two iridescent blue eyes sparkled with threats of murder in the night's moon. He felt hot breath on his neck and he grimaced. He couldn't move his hands to get the ring off…he would have to handle this mugger the old school way.

A growl warned him first, then the words followed, "Stay the fuck away from Kagome, you piece of shit!"

InuYasha wasn't ready for the blow…he wasn't ready for someone to stay away from the person he was protecting either, but the blow was very brash. It connected with his jaw and sent his head snapping to the one side and his cheek scraping the skin against the concrete. He snapped his head back with complete shock, disgust and confusion lingering in his eyes. He knew that scent. "You got to be fucking kidding me!"

He was dropped roughly to the ground and felt a rather familiar set of claws pressed against his throat. As the moonlight finally shined down his alley, he couldn't help but to gasp. The man holding him down…or should he say Youkai…had changed since he last saw him. His hair was short cropped, and greasy. His clothes were modern, though he looked like he was doing similar surveillance on the Miko as well. Yet his claws were still as sharp as ever. InuYasha glared up at the demon, his face still hung up in shock. 'of all the fucking places…'

Kouga sneered at the man beneath him, "these aren't play toys, Bub…they will fucking rip you a new larynx. Keep. Away. From. Kagome."

InuYasha reared back and kicked Kouga in the stomach and rolled backwards, jumping to his feet. Though he didn't have his demon strength, he had his mouth. "Still trying to protect what ain't yours, ay wolf shit?"

Kouga paused mid step, his eyes narrowing to mere slits. "Who are you?"

InuYasha grinned and pulled back his hood and ripped off his glasses. "Of all the fucking cities in this whole fucking world, why the hell did you have to land in mine?"

Kouga took a step closer then took a very short deep breath of air. "Move into the light."

InuYasha swaggered forward; he couldn't help the grin on his face. "Who are you to give me orders, you mangy wolf?"

Kouga eye's widened as he looked over the man in front of him. he turned a rather sickly white and grabbed onto the building to hold his weight. "Inu…InuYasha?"

InuYasha gave the wolf a smile before slipping off the ring into his pocket. His body transformed and Kouga's eyes looked as if they could have fallen out of his head. "In the flesh, flea bag." He moved closer and narrowed his eyes, "why are you still hanging around Kagome, Kouga? After all these years, haven't you tired of…" he took a deep breath then quickly recoiled, "pups?"

Kouga gave a scornful laugh then shook his head, "how are you still alive, dog shit? Your brother wasted you five centuries ago…" his eyes suddenly became more serene… "Does Kagome know?"

InuYasha leaned back and shifted his weight nervously, "no, Kagome doesn't know…I want to keep it that way…yes, my brother killed me but he brought me back out of spite." He took a deep breath then narrowed his eyes, "why the hell do you smell like pups?" his eyes widened and he took his moment to be horror stricken, "don't tell me you fuckin spawned more wolves!"

Kouga huffed and crossed his arms. "I moved on with my life, InuKurro. I married…hell, I have over five hundred…"

Inuyasha's face fell and he held out his hands in front of him, trying to block Kouga from finishing his sentence, "I really, really don't want to know what you defiled to get five hundred whatever. Just stay away from Kagome."

Kouga smirked and slowly shook his head, a very serious undertone that InuYasha never knew the wolf could possess filtered through his eyes. "InuYasha…we may have our differences, but Kagome is no longer one of them…unless you make her one. I ran into her, if you're wondering, the other day in midtown. I talked to her…she actually stayed with Aayme and me. She's not herself, InuYasha. She's nothing like the girl we used to know, that we used to fight over. She explained the whole well thing to me, and I'm glad cause everything makes sense now." he sighed and ran a hand through his hair before leaning against the wall of the building and sighing heavily again. "she's broken, InuYasha, in more pieces then you would ever imagine. I invited her to stay with us when I opened my fat mouth at things I should have let be. Look…you need to know three things. One is that she loved you…with all of her heart. I knew it back then and hated you for it…I was so jealous about it. Every time I came to bring her back to the den, I knew in my heart she wasn't going to leave you but I had to try. She was in love with you the day I met her. to her, that was over eight years ago. Two; she thought you went to hell with Kikyo. She thought that you professed your love to Kikyo and agreed to go with her to hell, forgetting all about her. Something about 'what other girl', from what I made out from her sobs. She thought you abandoned her…that's why she closed the well. To stop others from using it when you were dead."

**Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me **

InuYasha swallowed hard and shook his head slowly. "you know…she tired to jump off her balcony the other day. Three weeks ago to be precise. Luckily, I felt the need to follow her home. Something told me to and I'm glad I did. She doesn't know I'm around Kouga, and I want to keep it that way. I want to help her piece her life back together…"

Kouga growled and shook his head. he began to slowly pace, pointing towards the door to the apartments, "you mean by startling away all of her suitors? They are only going to talk, InuYasha. They will run into her and think she's possessed. You are underestimating Nigens. You'll be lucky if they don't think that she's a demon and attack her. If you want to fix her, InuYasha, then do it yourself. Don't sit back and play god over her life. Get up the balls and help her." he shook his head and pointed a long clawed finger at him, "I'll tell you what I tell all of those mother fuckers who try to get in her pants, if you hurt her I will hunt you down like the dog you are and kill you slowly. Got it?"

InuYasha blinked then chuckled, shaking his head slowly, "the day I thought I'd get advice from you Kouga was the day I planned on rotting in hell. But your right…I can't just sit around. I'll talk to her…just give me my time. it hasn't been easy on either of us. up until about three days ago, I had somehow convinced myself that she sought her duties to be done with us and had left me…just like everyone else in my life. That's why i…" he sighed and closed his eyes, "tell me…was Sango okay?" the mention of the mere names of his long passed friends burned inside of him like a roaring fire, consuming all glimmers of hope in its path. It hurt like hell to think he turned his claws on them.

Kouga studied Inuyasha's face for a moment before slowly nodding. "yes…she was fine. Her and Miroku grieved over your death for some time. Miroku tried to talk Sesshoumaru many times that night into reviving you. he…he begged, InuYasha. He realized what Kagome had done and begged for Sesshoumaru to spare your life. That's when Sesshoumaru left with your body."

InuYasha blinked then put a hand to his temple. "that night he brought me back. when I was able to move, he beat the ever living shit out of me trying to get me to extract my anger on him instead of the others. I didn't move. I sat in the same spot for ten years. Ten long, long years thinking…remembering…wallowing. It was like being in a movie theater, unable to move from your seat, and being forced to watch home movies over and over until you are ready to break. And that's what I did."

Kouga shook his head slowly, "and you've been in fucking New York City this whole god damned time?"

InuYasha shrugged and kicked a stone lying on the floor. "me and Sesshoumaru came here in 1985…he had long had a branch of Tashio industries running here, but he came to supervise it. we got a pent house that has nearly upped its value ten fold. Been here ever since."

Kouga bitterly laughed and shook his head, "I should have guessed Sesshoumaru was the man behind Tashio industries. I have four sons who work in the cities branch of it. gotta tell them this one, they'll love it." he took a step closer to the dog demon and put a hand on his shoulder, "look, InuYasha, all differences aside, I really want you to sweep this girl off her feet and make her smile again. I miss her smile."

InuYasha nodded numbly, "me too, Kouga, me too."

**Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me **

It took him a week to get up the courage to try to be in the same room as Kagome again. the last time…with her brown eyes staring at him, he had felt claustrophobic. It wasn't until a couple hours after his talk with Kouga that he really broke down. On the roof of his penthouse, he watched the sun rise with tears glistening on his cheeks. He had been within reaching distance of her and yet was still not able to grab her, to hold her. Sesshoumaru had met him on the roof again, with a cup of coffee, and silently the two watched the sunrise then departed separate ways without a word. Nothing needed to be said verbally. The understanding and bond that had formed between the two brothers was something that InuYasha had just begun to understand and appreciate. He would never admit it to Sesshoumaru, not in a thousand years, but in his heart he knew he loved his brother. Sesshoumaru was his family.

Now InuYasha had to tie another loose end. He had to fix things with Kagome. He had to get through to her…make her understand who he was. So he went to Moe's and he waited. She was late…that worried him slightly, yet when she arrived, he understood. She was already drunk. She had plowed her way through the bar, ignoring the stares or the catcalls, and plopped down on a stool next to the disguised hanyou. He felt his heart falter and he coughed once. He had stood up and paced for a while, between the bar and the bathroom, trying to sooth his nerves. What was he going to say? What could he say? he watched her with a frown on his face as she swayed lightly on her stool. Finally he took a deep breath and sat down next to Kagome. At first, he thought she had passed out on the counter. He threw a quick glance at Moe, who ignored her, then sighed. He needed to fix her…he needed to fill the void in his life. He hurt…he hurt so bad watching her give herself up to these men. Pigs...all of them. not a single damned one deserved her. she deserved better. Whether or not she could find it in him was her decision, he just wanted to help.

**  
I feel it everyday  
I feel I made my way  
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside  
Swallowing me**

He took a deep breath and forced everything he had learned from Sesshoumaru into his voice…trying to keep a calm head with the fragile girl. "You know, the average male does not wash his hands after going to the bathroom."

Kagome blinked slowly and turned her head to stare at the stranger next to her. She managed to slur out, "That's disgusting."

InuYasha grinned and shook his head slowly. Even while drunk, she still managed to get a grin to his face. Maybe it was just the simple fact that he was talking to her…he was talking to Kagome. He waited a moment then chuckled again when she did not sit up. 'Leave it to her not to care about urine.' The smile slipped from his face as he slowly blinked. 'Five hundred years ago she'd have screamed like a little school girl and tried to run away to the river to wash it off. I guess she has grown up…' he looked back to her and frowned. 'But not this…there has to be more to her. Some type of job…career.' Now that he thought about it, he never once saw her go or come home from work. He never saw anything business like in her apartment when he would lock the door. 'How is she living in a million dollar house without a job?' he sighed and frowned. 'is that all she does? come here after she pulls herself out of bed and get drunk to go home with a stranger and do it all over again tomorrow? Doesn't she bask in the sun, like she used to get excited about when we would stop at a beach? Doesn't she want to go out to see the world, as she raved about? is there anything left in that girl of the Kagome I knew?'

**Alive in me, inside of me, a part of me screams away silently  
This part of me won't go away, part of me won't go away  
**

After a moment of realizing that Kagome has still not sat up, he frowned. "Are you okay? After knowing that fact, I would have expected you to catch onto the idea that the average man also sits at this bar with his hands all over the table. " he tilted his head to measure her response.

Kagome laughed mockingly at InuYasha then quickly added, "do you think I really give a rats ass?" she rolled her eyes and InuYasha scowled. Suddenly her face contorted to a form of primal rage and in a mere second, she shot glass the she had been tapping off shattered to pieces in her hand. InuYasha fought the urge to grab her hand and merely glared at her. "Fuck…" she threw the glass down and brought her hand a few inches from her face to try to examine the wounds. "I hate it when it does that."

InuYasha opened his mouth to speak yet found no words to come out. 'She curses worse then I do! What the fuck?' he licked his lips trying to find the right words but only gave up moments later and stared at her slack jawed. After an awkward second of watching Kagome stare at her hand as if it were a detachment of her body, he grabbed her wrist gently. If she wasn't going to take care of her wound, then he sure as hell was. He reached into his black blazer and pulled out a handkerchief that he had carried with him when he went into the office. Something Sesshoumaru had suggested, though he never fully understood it. Very carefully, with the limited skills of human hands, InuYasha managed to pull a sliver of glass from one of her larger cuts then gently wrapped it around her hand with an almost adoring touch. Holding the pressure, he stood slowly off his bar stool. "You should get to a doctor…those wounds could be infected."

Kagome huffed and made no effort to move. "Like everything I touch?"

**Everywhere I look around I see how everyone ought to be  
Every time I see myself there's always something wrong with me  
**

InuYasha chocked back a sigh and fought to keep from pulling her into a hug. To know she considered herself dead was one thing, to understand why she felt this way, to see it in her eyes and hear it on her voice, was another. He wanted to scream…he wanted to bang his head into a fucking wall. He just wanted to see her smile again. Something inside of him felt like, at that moment, he was dying along side of her. InuYasha stared at Kagome for a moment before sitting back down, his eyes seemingly colder then before. He could feel the icy waves rolling off her person. She didn't want help, she didn't was salvation, she wanted death. "Whatever you say. It's a thought."

Kagome raised her eyebrows then closed her eyes, "it sucks."

InuYasha winched at her words internally. He knew she was stubborn much like him but to hear it in those blatant of statements, god did it burn his heart. 'She doesn't care…she just wants to live the life of a shell until it kills her. She's looking in all corners for death.' He shook his head and sighed, trying to change to looming subject that was bound in his head. All he kept seeing though was the girl he used to know staring in wonder at this new person…this new girl. They were nothing alike. His Kagome…the one he loved…was dead.

**Everywhere I look around I see how everyone ought to be  
Every time I see myself there's always something wrong with me**

Fighting to find something to talk about, he gave in and decided on the simple shit he already knew. "So…do you live here?" he inhaled sharply yet quietly, praying it didn't sound as stupid as it sounded to him. No such luck.  
Kagome gave a very wry chuckle and shrugged her shoulders, still with her head on the bar. "You mean here in Manhattan or here in this bar. Cause to both my answer is yes."

InuYasha fought the urge to shake his head. He could feel his eyes glazing over in abhorrence at the life this girl had chosen to live. He wanted to scream at her, to shake her awake and force her back into reality. He simply frowned at her before returning to look at his water downed jack and coke. He had already had two…and it was to easy for him to let that turn into five or six…or nine or ten. The last thing he needed tonight was to be wasted. He tapped the bar for a moment before sighing. The pain was killing him slowly; he just kept feeling himself hitting the bottom of the well as he gazed upon her face. He slowly began to wonder if she tried to get back through after she sealed it…if she lay in the dirt and called to him as he did to her.

**  
I feel it everyday  
I feel I made my way  
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside  
Swallowing me**

Clearing his throat, he softly asked her, "What brings you to Manhattan? You don't seem to be a…school…kid."

Kagome shrugged and let her eyes fall into her own drink. "I live here. My mom bought me an apartment when she won the lottery."

InuYasha had to bite back from screaming out loud. Her mother...won the lottery? 'I guess she got her wish, didn't she?' he hid the smile on his face under the stoic mask he had somewhere managed to erect. 'got to thank Sesshoumaru for being a bastard all these years and forcing me to learn how to be stoic.' He pulled at his collar and gave her a small smile. "Your mother won the power ball?"

Kagome simply nodded, her mind elsewhere.

He gazed upon her face and blinked slowly. 'Is she still thinking about the past? Is that where her mind is? Five hundred years ago, with me and the others…when we were happy. When Naraku seemed to be the big evil in life. Who ever would have thought your worst enemy to be yourself?' he let his gaze fall to her hands and he froze. Everything in life seemed to stop for a moment…he couldn't hear the chatter of the bar, the noise from the street…the annoying wailing of the poor excuse for a jukebox. He just saw the scars. "What…what did you do?" he cleared his throat and downed his drink in one gulp, trying to wash away the image from his eyes. 'so that night was not the first time she tried to kill herself. Those scars…she's tried it before. They look…it looks like she nearly succeeded.' He took a deep breath, praying she did not notice him trying to compose himself. Managing a very stoic voice, he uttered, "Those look sever." He coughed out as he rubbed his chest, trying to rid the burning feeling of the rum as it hit him like a truck.

Kagome pulled back her hand and sighed loudly. "Not that I want my life to be a fucking open book but I made some mistakes and thought that might take care of it."  
InuYasha blinked and forced himself to stay impassive. It was the hardest thing that he had yet to do. Instead he needed to prod…to know when this happened. Was it a recent thing…was it a recent threat? If so, where the hell was her mother? Did her mother even know? Had her mother seen her? He fought down the pang of anger and coughed out, "They say a girl who tries to kill herself is calling out for help. Do you agree?"

Kagome narrowed her eyes and wavered a little in her seat as she pointed at the boy next to her, "you don't know shit about me. I completely disagree! I was not calling out for help, I was begging to die. Yet I couldn't…the Kami's thought it would be more fun to torture me by making me live. Trust me…these past few weeks I wish I were dead."

InuYasha let go of her hand and he recoiled away from her. The sheer bitterness in her voice smacked him in the face. He licked his lips and looked to the bar. "Sounds bad."

Kagome let out a loud scoff and took another shot of vodka. "You have no idea. You don't know what it's like to be responsible for the love of your life's death."

InuYasha raised an eyebrow and sat back in his chair. 'Kagome, you have no idea what I feel…what responsibilities I hold on my shoulders…the failures that accompany them like red flags.' He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head, "Really? That's rough."

Kagome slammed her fist on the bar and looked to the ground. "I thought…I thought he left me…so I left before I had to see it…before I was certain. It was so long ago…yet I just found out that he didn't leave me…he never planned to. I abandoned him...i betrayed him and him looking for me brought about his death."

**I feel it everyday  
I feel I made my way**

'She said it.' InuYasha stared at the wall for a moment before looking back at Kagome, the tears in his eyes hidden behind his emotionless face. He felt so pensive…so very solemn. 'So she did think that. She feels responsible for my death? She blames herself? God Kagome…how can we both blame ourselves for one another's destructions? Is that the curse of this life? Of your life? It was Kikyo's curse and now it was passed down to you.' He let his lips for a very think line and swallowed hard. "What made you think he left you?"

Kagome shook her head slowly, "just forget it. It has nothing to do with you."

InuYasha bowed his head in defeat. God how he wanted to hug her…to kiss her…to ease her pain, but instead he backed off…like a chicken shit. "I apologize. It was wrong of me to pry."

Kagome nodded once before returning to stare at her drink. "he…i…I misinterpreted what he said to an ex and I thought he was leaving me…he was everything to me and to think I would lose him…I went crazy. I ran away…ran from it all. I made sure I wouldn't be there when he went down…then I find out he never did. He was never going to leave me. I left him. There's so much that time can not erase…I was with him for everything yet he…I left him."

It pained InuYasha to hear her say those things. To hear her speak the words that plagued his soul for five hundred years. 'such is the tragedy of the word love.' She had excused herself and made her way to the bathroom before her words for earlier smacked him like a brick upside of his head. 'The love of your life...'. He blinked once, then again. 'She loves me? She…she loved me? Why didn't she…why didn't I…god, all that time, all that grief…and she still loved me? She still wanted to be with me? I was nothing…a worthless half-breed who couldn't even get the notion of love right…yet she stuck by me.'

**I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside  
Swallowing me**

He wasn't sure how much time passed while he pondered over the idea of her being in love with him. His eyes caught onto hers as she made her way out of the bathroom and immediately he could see the blood on her hand. 'Kami, what did she do?' he pushed off his stool and ran after her, images of those slashes on her wrists flickering through his mind. 'She didn't…she wouldn't. No…god Kagome, you better not have done anything stupid.' he sighed in relief as he reached her side and realized it was merely her hand that was cut. He didn't reach her side until she was beginning her walk home. He would not follow her tonight…he would meet her at her apartment. She needed her hand bandaged and whether she liked it or not, he was going to do it. He hailed a taxi and gently grabbed her shoulder. "You should go home and rest."

Kagome pulled at his hand numbly, her eyes slightly glazed over from intoxication. "No…I want to walk. I want to…"

**I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me**

InuYasha opened to door to the yellow death trap and gently guided her into it. "Don't argue with me, get into the car and have a good night." He half expected her to listen. He was half wrong.

Kagome groaned and put a hand to her head. "What's your name?"

InuYasha smiled and gave Kagome a small grin, "what's in a name?" Pulling away from the girl, he made sure she was in the car before approaching the driver. Handing the man forty dollars, he pointed down the road. "Take her to Park Place West…she's in 1700…walk her to the door and keep the tip." He would be waiting on the balcony to make sure this piece of shit cab driver didn't step foot into her room. If he did…god help him.

The cabbie gawked at InuYasha, staring from the money in his hand to the man in his window. "Sir, that's only like two blocks down…"

InuYasha blinked and stared stoically at him. "So you'll be sure to walk her to her door and make sure she gets in. I'm trusting you…get it done." He pulled back and hit the roof twice before turning and walking back to the sidewalk. He watched the red taillights disappear into the darkness of night with a growl in the back of his throat.

**I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me**

"Kagome." He blinked as snow began to lightly fall from the twilight sky. He sighed and slowly began to walk his way towards her apartment. It would take the cab driver a few more moments to reach her apartment, and he wanted to enjoy the snow. It had been a long time since he could.


	4. Somewhere I belong

Mistakes 

Lincoln Park- Somewhere I belong. © 

(warning: I have a little acidic content to this chapter it will not be in detail, after all this is only R but I also refer to later episodes of InuYasha, especially the one episode that screams the truth of Kag/Inu's relationship…its episode 101 I think….the one with the seven assassins...and Kag nearly dies…)

Chapter 4 

**When this began  
I had nothing to say  
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
**

Kagome blinked away the sunlight as the walked slowly down 6th Ave around noon. She sighed as she watched people walk about her, hand in hand, making _those_ eyes at each other. She missed that look…the look of knowing you're in love…the look of knowing that you're safe, that you're cared about, that you're protected. She missed being able to communicate nonverbally with a person she was sure she wanted to spend her life with. She missed knowing that she would give everything up in a heartbeat if he only asked her to. She missed having someone to protect her. She missed InuYasha with all of her heart. Though within the last few weeks she had been unable to break down like she used to. 'Maybe because I've been celibate for this long…maybe because I haven't sold my soul for a quick fix in a few weeks.'

That was another thing that bothered her. She knew she would go home with men at night, after an evening of drinking and flirting, but when she woke up in the morning, her door was always locked and her man candy was gone. 'How do they get out while locking the door.' she had held onto the hope that Kouga was watching out for her, and it made sense…and it made her mad. She had tried to catch him a couple nights but ended up in conversation with the guy watching Bon Jovi's apartment instead. The guy seemed nice even though she hadn't seen is face since that one day. She had thought for a time that it was Kouga but the way he talked, the way he acted…no, he was _not_ Kouga. She had invited the man one night into her apartment but oddly enough he had excused himself and ended the conversation there. He was something different…someone different. She had met all sorts of men in the city yet they were all the same in one aspect; they all wanted one thing at the end of the night. They bought her drinks, made her laugh however callous it may have been, danced with her while letting their hands wander, then bought them a cab to go back to her apartment. This guy though…he didn't want to follow her to her apartment, he didn't want to drink with her…hell, and he wouldn't jump off his balcony again to see her. She was quietly disappointed when the mystery man rejected her but it only urged her on further. Maybe he was the reason she didn't strive to put out for other men.

Walking down the cement sidewalk, she felt a small smile tug at he lips. 'good things are worth waiting for. Maybe…just maybe this guy is what I need…' she smiled and ducked into a store on the Avenue of the Americas to do some shopping. That always cheered her up.

I was confused  
And I'd let it all out to find   
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind

InuYasha heard the door slam to his office and he blinked groggily. He sighed and lifted his head from the oak desk and blinked again, his eyes trying to focus on the sight in front of him. There was a blob of white and black walking towards him, holding something that did not look too pleasant. He pulled back fast enough to avoid his head being pounded into a pancake by a giant red dictionary, which was slammed onto his desk by his seemingly infuriated brother. InuYasha rubbed his eyes and glared about his office, "what are you doing in my room, bastard?"

Sesshoumaru blinked then put both hands on the younger boy's desk and leaned forward towards InuYasha. "This is _my_ building, baka, and you are _my_ employee. If you were _not_ my younger brother, I would fire you."

InuYasha ran a hand over his face, staring about the room in complete disarray. "That doesn't answer my question of why you're in my bedroom."

Sesshoumaru sighed loudly then sat down on the corner of Inuyasha's desk. "No, but your impudence answers some of my more prominent questions. Tell me, baka, how long were you out last night guarding your precious human?"

InuYasha blinked and jumped slightly upon realizing where he was. He shook his head and stood up, stretched his arms towards the ceiling and yawned. "I was…out till…about four am. She didn't bring home some hobo this time but…she wanted to talk."

Sesshoumaru frowned and scratched behind his right ear. "And…did she wish to talk to _you_ or the shadow of the night?"

InuYasha shrugged and walked to his sidebar and poured himself a cup of coffee. Sipping it, he turned back to his older brother, "both, I guess. Somehow I think that she feels that talking to me makes her…better. She hasn't cried in a while…I never smell her tears like I used to. Maybe…maybe talking to me is healing her on a subconscious level."

Sesshoumaru 'tisked' and shook his head, "_or_ you're slowly destroying her mental state that she has struggled to regain."

InuYasha blinked and sat back down slowly into his leather chair, "come again?"

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "InuYasha…Kagome has been through rough times, judging from what you have told me. It does not sound like she is mentally stable, regardless of how much you wish her to be. Maybe talking to you she is transposing her feelings for the old you onto this faceless voice…"

InuYasha set down his cup and stood to glare at his brother, "or maybe she unconsciously recognizes my voice."

Sesshoumaru scoffed and got off the boys desk. He walked in a circle then held out a hand towards InuYasha, obvious annoyance strewed across his face, "do you truly believe that? Because if you do then you are more foolish then I first took you for." He moved quickly to his brother's side and put his two hands on Inuyasha's shoulders, "she won't one day realize that it is you and pledge her undying love to you. A light bulb will _not_ just turn on in her head and she'll fall instantly in love with you. If _that_ is what you are waiting for, little brother, then you're waiting in vain."

InuYasha shrugged off his brother's hands and turned his back to him, "You told me to go to her, now you tell me I am destroying her. What the hell Sesshoumaru…can you stick to one idea?"

Sesshoumaru frowned and shook his head, "no, InuYasha. You have misconstrued me. I told you to go to her…never did I speak of secrecy or the cover of night as your guide. When I told you to go to her, I meant as yourself. You need to show your true form to her…tell her the truth. One of you have to be honest so you might as well begin the uphill trek. Be honest with her InuYasha."

InuYasha nodded numbly, his brother's word seeping into his soul. 'I thought…I thought that maybe I could get her to fall in love with me again…and then maybe…maybe she would understand. But would she even think of giving me a second chance?' he looked to the floor and quietly called to his brother, who was leaving the room. "She cries out to me on nights when she is alone…on nights when she is sober and lonely. It takes everything, Sesshoumaru, _everything_ in me to keep from going to her…from holding her. I just want to take away her pain…to hold her close and let her know I'm okay. But I think…I fear what that might do to her. Knowing that for four years I sat back and watched her destroy herself and didn't lift a finger to make it easier. She'll hate me."

Sesshoumaru paused at his brother's door and sighed. He turned around and rested one arm on the doorway and leaned against it, "InuYasha…you did not know of her existence for the past four years…hence you could not fix what you did not know. Should you have gone to her the day that she left you? Maybe…that would have been up to your discretion though. Do not forget, InuYasha…it was her brashness that led to this situation." He gave the boy a small smirk and quipped, "For once in your life, it is not your fault."

InuYasha narrowed his eyes and grabbed his brother's dictionary from his desk. Playfully, yet somewhat sternly, he threw it towards his brother's legs. "Get the hell out, bastard!"

Sesshoumaru jumped over the impending book and grinned at the boy. He slowly picked it up and tucked the dictionary under his arm. After a moment of staring at his brother, he felt his grin slide from his face and he frowned, and sighed. Taking what seemed to be a rather deep breath, he placed the book on a filing cabinet and walked closer to his brother. He clasped his hands in front of his body and opened his mouth to speak. It took a moment to form the right words that he struggled to find. "InuYasha…when I found Rin's reincarnation…I wanted to take the girl back with me to the castle. I wanted her to understand who she used to be…I wanted to have back the girl I loved so much. I realized though, watching her and talking to her, how much it hurt to see the past in front of my eyes and unable to change it. I came to the realization that day that I could not change the past no matter how much I wanted to…no matter how much I wished to. Nothing would bring _my_ Rin back to me. Nothing. And it is a good thing…because I have become more convinced in time that Kagome and Rin may share the same heart."

InuYasha blinked at his brother's statement and stood up from his chair. Walking around the desk, he slowly walked towards Sesshoumaru. "What are you saying?"

Sesshoumaru gave his brother a small but sad smile, his amber eyes filled with sorrow. "When I first met Kagome, she struck me as a strange girl. Who could ever love something so blindly…how could a human take on a Youkai as a friend without prejudice? I only came to understand when I met Rin…when Rin began to follow me around…when she saved me." he gave a small laugh and closed his eyes, remembering times long past, "Rin taught me how to live and how to love. She made me everything I am. When I would see her and Kagome together, even five hundred years ago, I saw two girls that were the same…two girls who loved the same, who looked at the world unbiased, who understood how the world worked when even the more powerful of creatures did not. I questioned for a long time after Rin's death whether or not I was insane…but I realized that when Kikyo died after pinning you to the tree, she would have had to have another incarnation of herself. I do believe that incarnation was Rin. Only after Rin passed, which she felt the need to do, was there room for the next incarnation, and then Kagome."

InuYasha took a step back from his brother and let his mouth hang open slightly, "you think…that Kagome is Rin's…reincarnation? What about Kikyo? Why did she not see it? Why did Kagome not see herself in Rin? She would have picked it up." he shook his head and put his hands to his temples. "You're making my head hurt, Sesshoumaru."

Sesshoumaru shook his head slowly; "don't rely your eyes, baka, for everything in life. Believe that calls to your heart. I believe deep inside, that Kagome and Rin are one."

InuYasha ran a hand over his face then looked to his brother with a rather dead panned look, "uhh…you're not going to hit on Kagome…if I ever bring her around, are you?"

Sesshoumaru gave the boy a smirk before turning slowly to walk from the office, "no baka, the girl of your heart is yours, if you chose to take her."

InuYasha smiled softly as he watched his brother walk away. Only after he was sure Sesshoumaru was gone did he lay his head back on the desk. 'Kagome…where are you?'

Inside of me  
When all the vacancy the words revealed  
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel

Kagome sat on her balcony staring out at the stars of the night. There weren't that many visible under the city of lights but the thought made it worth it. Besides…maybe her mystery man would be home that night. She sipped at the espresso she clenched in her hands and sighed. She wanted to add some vodka to it…maybe some tequila…but she had fought the urge to do so. She was three days sober and it was a decent feeling. She hadn't been this sober for this long for almost a year and a half. Yet being this sober had its consequences. Her conscious tore at her for not calling her mother…but a part of her couldn't pick up the phone…she couldn't hear the disappointment in her mothers voice. The thought that her grandfather may have passed away was more then she was willing to take on at the moment.

She sighed and sipped the coffee again. "Focus on getting sober first, and then we will deal with family. One step at a time…I can do it." she sighed and shook her head slowly, "I sound like a fucking self help book."  
"You sure do."

Kagome's head jolted up to stare at the ceiling above her with a small smile plastered to her face. "I didn't know you were there today."

The man sitting on the balcony over her head laughed, "you can't lie for shit."

Kagome felt a wide grin enrapture her face as she sat back into her iron patio chair. "Sue me."

InuYasha frowned from his perch on the balcony above her and he drummed his fingers on the railing, leading her along a little longer. "Hope you're not a lawyer."

Kagome felt the grin falter and she shrugged, sipping at the coffee she retorted, "I'm not really much of anything, honestly."

InuYasha mentally smacked himself for that one and he quickly replied, "sure you are. You're beautiful and that's enough."

Kagome blushed under the boy's words and looked out to the city, imagining her prince charming face above her. "You're sweet…but you don't know me. You hardly have seen me."

InuYasha shrugged and commented, "doesn't take much to figure that one out. I mean…I saw you sweetie, and you are a knockout. What I don't get though is why you sleep with such trash." There was a pause and he smacked his head. 'Why did I say that? Baka, baka!'

Kagome chewed on her bottom lip before carefully saying, "I guess I never really thought of it much in that sense. I mean…I don't really have a thing with those men but they help me forget…" the thought of forgetting the past went right out the window with that answer and she sighed heavily.

InuYasha could feel her tension rising and cringed. He wanted to ask her more, get her to open up but for him to get that all out of her then surprise her…no, she would sit him to hell for that one. He fingered the rosary that still remained intact on his chest and felt his frown deepen. "A beautiful girl like you should hold no regrets in life."

Kagome shrugged and took a long swig of the coffee before throwing the cup into the trash next to her. "You'd be surprised what I hold inside of me."

InuYasha looked at the floor and sighed sadly, "Did you love him?"

Kagome blinked, her mouth running dry as she sat up slowly. "What?"

InuYasha gripped the railing a little tighter and repeated himself, "I asked if you loved him…the man whom apparently you feel is worth you holding all these emotions inside for. The one who ruined your life." His voice dropped an octave as he added the last part.

Kagome inhaled deeply and then put her head into her hands. "I really don't want to talk about him. He never ruined my life…I ruined his and mine in the same day."

InuYasha shifted his weight nervously then frowned. "You're…not…drinking tonight, are you?"

Kagome shrugged and walked to her banister before leaning up to look above her. For a moment she could have sworn she saw a flash of silver hair and the though pulled at her stomach and tore at her heart. "I…how did you…no….I'm not."

InuYasha sat against the wall, his golden eyes wide from realizing that Kagome nearly caught him glaring down at her. "I…I'm glad."

Kagome nervously tapped her foot before slumping her shoulders and blurting out, "why won't you come down here to see me?"

InuYasha gulped and looked around the balcony. "I…I'm not a very social person."

Kagome shrugged and stood on her tiptoes, trying to see up to his balcony. "Come on…I want to see what you're hiding up there. You saved me once…I owe my hero a diner or something. Come on…just a few hours. I promise I don't bite…" she grinned maliciously and quickly added in a rather sultry voice, "that is, unless you want me to."

InuYasha gulped, feeling a part of his body respond to her proposition and shook his head, trying to gain a hold on his erratic heartbeat. "I…I …" he sighed and stood up, "I should go."

Kagome gulped loudly and backed away from the railing, "I…I'm sorry, that was wrong of me. I'm just…I really want to meet you, ya know? You seem so…different then the guys I'm used to. Please…just for an hour. I'm not looking for a quick fix or anything…you just seem like a good guy and there aren't many left in the world."

InuYasha grimaced and paced the balcony quickly, his eyes large and filled with pain. 'Sesshoumaru's right…holy shit that bastard was right. I'm hurting her.' he sighed loudly and clenched his hands to fists. "Sorry Kagome, I would love to but not tonight…maybe later?"

Kagome didn't answer. She shook her head slowly and walked back into her house, closing the door soundly.

InuYasha sighed loudly and leaned his head against the cold glass sliding door of the rock star's apartment. 'Baka.'

Nothing to lose  
Just stuck, hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own

Kagome had gone job-hunting for the day…she actually had gone looking for the dreaded j-o-b. That was the first truly social interaction she had in the 'real world' in three years, since she had been expelled from college for well…being herself. She hadn't any real good feelings but to actually fill out an application and talk to other people, it made her feel alive. She had returned home with diner in a take out bag from McDonalds and a latte. She sat out back, watching the sunset, while eating diner.

Her eyes wandered to the balcony above hers and she sighed. 'I wonder if he's mad at me. Did I come off to rough…to sluttish? I really didn't mean to make it sound like all I wanted was a quick lay. He's so…different. He reminds me of a sarcastic Hojo in a way.' Her lips twisted into a small smile at the thought of that name. 'I wonder what he's doing now…probably a pediatrician like he wanted to be. God he was really a great friend…a real dense friend…almost as dense as Kouga.' She laughed lowly and shook her head. 'I wonder how Aayme's pregnancy is going…I still can't picture Kouga with kids. It is just so…bothersome. That's like putting Shippo and InuYasha…' she frowned at the intense memories that burned at her eyes of watching the hanyou thump the young cub time in and out. God what she wouldn't give….

The door sliding open on the balcony above her knocked her from her thoughts and she felt a very wide grin spread across her face. She leaned against her railing, abandoning her food to the table and looked up, "hey…sorry I freaked you out last night."

A strange voice with a slight British accent called back to her, "who the bloody hell…" a face appeared over the banister and Kagome yelped. He was defiantly not who she was expecting. "allo, love….what's that about last night? Do I know you?"

Kagome blinked a few times then gasped, "You're…not Bon Jovi either…"

The stranger shrugged and pointed at the apartment, "this here is my place…bought it from Jovi a few months back…been out of town I've been….for a while."

Kagome sighed and nodded slowly, "yeah, the guy taking care of your place told me. Hey…what is his deal? He's always outside on your balcony."

There was a shift of wind and she could see the color draining from the man above hers face. "Man…on my balcony? Surely you must be mistaken. No one's been here…"

Kagome gulped slowly, her eyes widening as she took in his words. "But…he was there…he said he was watering your plants." She suddenly made a face, realizing for the first time how utterly ridiculous that sounded.

The man scowled and tapped the railing, "is this a bloody prank? I don't own plants…at least not the kind you water."

Kagome gasped and took a step back. 'I never saw him inside of the apartment…what was he…how did he…who?' she backed up and muttered something about the wrong building or wrong apartment then apologized and ran back into her house before he could get a word in edge wise. She stared for a long moment, staring into nothing and everything at once. 'He lied…he was just there…watching me. How did he get up there? Was it Kouga? No…what Youkai is following me? It had to be…no human could get up there. God…what is going on?' She fought back her urge to grab a bottle and walked numbly down to her room.

I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long  
Erase all the pain till its gone

InuYasha sat in traffic, his black hair tied to the back of his head under his black and red helmet. The black mirror reflective lenses covered his face from the smog and the rain the poured steadily from the sky. He leaned on his right leg and stared around the taxi's in front of him. 'Ride around the city for the day, I say…not a big deal I say. God I'm a loser.' He scoffed and tapped the side of his Kawasaki Ninja with his left foot as he stared down side streets praying for a way around the horrendous traffic in downtown Manhattan. He had been visiting Little Italy for the day; doing some light shopping that was in his black knapsack. Now…now he was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic getting soaked. 'Fucking wonderful.' Inuyasha's eyes flickered to his right and he grinned. 'I could cut by Moe's and around west park Place.' He revved the tires under his body and kicked the bike to his left. Cutting off oncoming traffic, he illegally jutted across the middle of the Chambers and jumped onto a side street. He grinned as the wind whipped about his body as he sped down the deserted street.

Turning to his right, he continued down the path around some back alleys until he came out to West Park Place, a couple blocks from Moe's. 'Traffic-less…wonderful.' He grinned as he pressed on the accelerator. The rain was beating mercilessly at this point and he did his best to ignore the pounding sensation on his back. Pushing the bike to fifty, he tore down the streets. It reminded him of days back in Japan…running through the forests with the wind as his only adversary. Feeling it break on his face, rush about his body and through his hair…being lifted up high above the tree peaks so he could get a birds eye view of the jungle…of his world. With her. She was always on his back in these visions; huddling close to him, her frail arms wrapped soundly around his neck, her legs locked around his waist. Just feeling her on his back…being alone with her. That was what he missed.

A figure darted out from the sidewalk forcing InuYasha to slam on his breaks and skid to a stop not more then a few feet from it. His eyes darkened as he made out the bundled figure in front of his bike to be a rather soaking wet and slightly agitated Kagome.

Kagome jumped back, her hair mated to her head under her flimsy hood. She wrapped two arms around her body and stepped back to the sidewalk, giving the biker a hopefully apologetic smile. "Sorry…"

InuYasha narrowed his eyes and called out, "hey…watch it…you could be road kill…besides for being a drowned rat." He laughed as her eyes widened at his voice and then scowled. He had missed the past nights meeting because of business work Sesshoumaru had deemed really important…it hadn't been…but InuYasha had gotten the feeling that Sesshoumaru was trying to meddle in his business again. That was another reason for the escape on his bike. He held out a leather gloved hand towards Kagome, "come on, I'll take you home."

Kagome remained feet back, staring at the boy trying to read his aura. As far as she could feel, he was strictly human. There was not a damn thing Youkai about him…but how did he…? "You…who are you?"

InuYasha scowled, figuring she had him judged by his voice. "You mean nights of talking on the balcony…"

Kagome swung a hand at the biker, "I know you're the guy from upstairs…which you were lying to me about."

InuYasha blanched under his helmet and rested the weight of the bike on his right foot. "What nonsense are you yammering about now?"

Kagome crossed her arms and gave the boy a nasty glower. "I asked who are you. The owner came home to the apartment last night and was all sorts of distressed when I told him that you had been taking care of his non-existent plants. So tell me…who are you?"

InuYasha gulped and tightened his grasp on the handles in front of him. "uhh…well, that is…I was…."

Kagome wanted to chew this guy out…she really wanted to get the truth out of him. That was something she knew he was hiding. She took a step towards him and nodded at him, "you don't have an answer, do you?"

InuYasha shrugged and sighed loudly, lies churning through his mind. "Well…that is…I used the fire escape from the roof to get to the balcony…being that he's the top apartment. I didn't expect to find a hot girl underneath…it was set to be a one night thing so I could…err…get away."

Kagome gawked at the boy and put her hands to her hips, "so you broke into his house to talk to me at night? That's real couth."

InuYasha scowled and shrugged, "never said I was. Look, I'm sorry…I shouldn't have done it but…I'd do it again…I mean, after all, I got to meet you."

Kagome took her turn to scoff and shake her head, "keh, you don't know shit about me!"

InuYasha bit his tongue to keep from laughing at her. At least something had rubbed off about him on her. "Get on, I'll take you home."

Kagome made to move back but InuYasha reached out and grabbed her wrist. Panic flashed through her eyes but was quickly subdued by a feeling in her gut. It went against everything she had learned in life…learned from the city…but it told her to trust him. His touch, even through his soaked leather biker gloves, was familiar and warm. She gave in to his tugs and slid onto the bike behind the stranger. She wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled her knees against his hips. In a second they were flying down the street…yet to her it was not a street. She saw a lush green forest…and the back she was on was not covered in leather but in fire rat cloth. She laughed as the wind whipped through her hair and then snuggled her face into the figure's neck. She didn't see the stranger in front of her; she saw her love…the man who changed her life. She was happy, after so long she was so happy. 'maybe, just maybe if I don't open my eyes again, this won't go away. I can stay here…with those I love…and never have to face that city again.' She inhaled deeply and relished in the scent. So fresh, so familiar; to be back in the jungle…to be back at her home, nothing made her happier. She was free…free from her hatred of life; from her guilt…she was free to love again…to love him.

I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
Like I'm close to something real  
I want to find something I've wanted all along   
Somewhere I belong

Kagome snapped her eyes open as the streets blared by her side and she panicked. Where did the jungle go? Where was InuYasha? Her eyes darkened at the realization that it had only been a memory…only a dream. She bit her lip to choke back tears and began shouting to the man, "please…stop, I need to get off. Please…please let me off!" she knew her pleas were falling on deaf ears but within seconds, they were at her apartment. She nearly threw herself off the cycle and backed against the nearest brick wall, her face white with panic and her eyes filled with tears. She didn't care who saw or what happened…she sunk to her knees against the building and began to cry.

InuYasha watched the sudden metamorphosis of the girl in front of him with instant regret. 'Is riding on the back of the cycle like being back in the jungle for her also? Is that what she is seeing?' if he had been in his demon form, his ears would have been plastered to the top of his head at this point. 'How could I have been so foolish?' he turned off the bike and stepped off it. Nearly running to her side, he fell to his knees next to her. "Kagome…what is it? What's the matter? Are you hurt?"

Kagome made a shove at his hands and wrapped her arms around her knees, now completely soaked in the rain that fell from the sky. "Go away…please…I'm sorry…no, I'm not hurt but….look….just go away. Leave me alone…leave me to die. I deserve as much."

InuYasha snapped. He had listened day in and day out for over five weeks to the girl he loved with all of his heart berate herself of a decent existence. He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a hard shake. "Kagome, snap out of it! You don't deserve to die, babe, you deserve so much more and it kills me, absolutely kills me that you sit here like this! You're stronger then this…I've seen that. Wake up Kagome, snap out of it!"

Kagome pushed away his hands and shot to her feet. Throwing her head up to the clouds, she let the rain was over her, begging for absolution from her guilt, pleading silently for God to end her suffering. "He chose her…he chose to be with her…that's how it was supposed to be. Why would I question it? He never told me otherwise…he just held her while she confessed her love…and he didn't say anything. He questioned who I was when she asked him." she shook her head, rambling on into the bleak world of nothing, trying to justify what happened…trying to make it better. "What kind of guy….he never cared about me…he couldn't have. Who would? Have you seen what I am, mystery man? Have you seen what I have become?"

InuYasha frowned and reached over to gently pat her shoulder. "Kagome…" his heart went out to the girl in front of him, realizing that she was in shambles. She was breaking apart because he had fucked up and he just could not bring himself to tell her the truth…he couldn't get the right words out of his mouth. 'she never knew how much I cared about her…she never saw it, never felt it.'

Kagome gasped out a sob and turned her eyes back to the man in front of her. Everything was pointless…this was pointless…she suddenly felt an ice-cold wave of realization hit her; she was never going to forget him…she was never going to move on…she was never going to be able to live the way she used to. It wasn't as if she never realized it…she drank so she didn't have to think about it. Yet now…admitting it to herself…she realized that no amount of alcohol in the world would fix her…nothing could save her.

And I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
I was confused  
Looking everywhere only to find  
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind 

InuYasha watched in horror as Kagome had a mental melt down right in front of him. He cautiously wrapped one arm around her shoulders. "Kagome…it's okay…look, I think we…"

Kagome bolted up right and pushed him away hard enough to send him onto his ass. She stood up and shook her head. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry I've taken up your time." she stared down at him and slowly shook her head. "That won't be a problem anymore, I promise." She let out a quiet sob again and darted out into the street, narrowly avoiding some random taxies that ran through the streets, and she ran across it towards her apartment.

InuYasha sat on the floor for a long moment, his eyes registering what he had just seen…what he had just heard. Her eyes…god, he thought the first day he had found her in the city that her eyes held death in them like a close friend…but now…now he knew better. Kagome's eyes had been hollow when she turned to him…there was nothing except absolute terror. She was terrified of reality…and then her words hit him like a passing car. '"That won't be a problem anymore, I promise."' What did she mean by that? InuYasha stood up and pulled his bike onto the curb before running across the street after her. He slammed into the buildings glass doors and stumbled backwards, cursing loudly. He threw his helmet off his head and to the floor by his feet. With a growl, he turned to the intercom and pushed Kagome's room button. There was nothing. She wouldn't be there yet…or she had run to her room and…. InuYasha shook his head and backed away from the door. He slid the ring off his finger that concealed him and jumped to the first story balcony and began to jump up the building, sure he was going to reach Kagome. 'Don't do anything stupid, Kagome…please god don't do anything stupid. I never forgot who you were…god, why do you always chose to hear the worst parts of the conversation? I love you, Kagome…god I love you!' he picked up his speed as the clocked ticked the time away.

So what am I  
What do I have but negativity  
Cause I cant justify the way everyone is looking at me  
Nothing to lose  
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own

Kagome slammed open the door to her apartment and threw her back against the wall closest to the door, kicking the door shut with her foot. She let out a ragged long bawl and slid to the floor in a heap. She fell to her stomach and put her palms to the floor. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! God InuYasha…I am so sorry! I'm so sorry…" she wasn't sure what was rolling off of her faster, the rain water or her tears, but water was accumulating on the floor. Kagome let herself fall into the pit of sorrow as she sat on the cold floor, balling her eyes out for events long past…for events she could not change. Everything washed over her…the three years she spent in the jungle, every smile…every hug…every harsh word that had so many meanings behind it. Then that day…the day that should have been the best one of her life. The day they defeated their worst enemy…but it wasn't. That day was by far the worst day in her history. Then everything turned to dark hues of black and gray. The hospital, her move, her acceptance to school, her after school job, her parties, her grades, her expulsion, her apartment, her bar hopping…her first…her last. Everything flashed before her eyes, revealing the life that she had resorted to…the low that she had sunk to. She was nothing.

'What good does nothing do to this world? I am a waste of space…I am someone's fuck up…I am the walking reminder of how cruel the fates are. I'm done.' she sat up and wiped her eyes, a rather evil glint overcoming the swirls of remorseful brown. She stood and took a deep breath, all signs of the crying shell of the girl who was there a moment before gone. She walked calmly into her kitchen and reached into the drawer where she kept her knives. This time no one would stop her…this time she would find her peace. Even if it was in hell…at least she could be with him. He died because of her and her moronic conclusions. He died screaming her name.

Feet touched down on her balcony and immediately the hair that shined behind Kagome went from white to black. The back door slammed open but the girl in the kitchen did not hear it.  
Kagome turned the knife to point towards her heart and grabbed the handle with both hands. If her wrists would not bleed then another part of her body would. She couldn't feel it anyway…what would a knife through its already gushing wound do? She had her heart torn out already, what remained would be the empty passage to her death. She closed her eyes and whispered to death, "I do not fear you. You've followed my footsteps for so long! Now is your chance, death…take me to my love…" she gasped and raised her hands.

"Kagome! No!"

She felt a set of arms wrap around her waist and pull her backwards. The knife flew from her hands and clanged nosily to the floor as she stumbled backwards to the floor with a loud gasp. She didn't struggle against the embrace…even as she felt the person who had pulled her away in the nick of timing sat up behind her, she simply could not move. She slumped her shoulders and lowered her chin to her chest; tears beginning to stream anew down her face. Her eyes fell upon the knife that was feet away from her. She held out a hand towards the knife, not so much to try to grab it but more to marvel at the fact that death was within inches of her and had yet again managed to elude her…leaving her to deal with life, again…alone. She stared for a moment before feeling the arms slide away from her waist. She licked her dry lips as she blinked herself back to reality. Someone had run in…from her balcony…to save her. But…how? She turned slowly and stared up at the man standing a foot behind her. It was her stranger, her nighttime acquaintance…but he was unveiled. His had black hair cut to his head…or so it seemed. With the rain soaking his hair, she couldn't really tell where it ended. She couldn't see his eyes from under his bangs…but there was something… her eyes widened as she scrambled to her feet. Now she knew she was really going insane, she had to be. This man who she had talked to for so many nights…this guy who no one else besides for Greg had ever seen…was here in front of her and boy did he look like the human side of InuYasha. She shook her head once and put a hand behind her, resting her weight on the kitchen counter top. She closed her eyes and looked to her shoulder. The tension in the air was so thick it would take tetsusaiga to break it. Neither of the two would look at each other, no matter how much they wanted to. Kagome was taking very deep breaths trying to calm herself down. 'Why of all people does he have to look like InuYasha? Why…what game are the gods playing?'

InuYasha was breathing just as heavily, his hands shaking at his side. 'If I had been a second later…she would have…she was going to…' he closed his eyes and counted silently to ten then opened them slowly. 'Does she recognize me? Does she think she's hallucinating?' he knew the answer to that question. He took a step towards her and looked at the girl out from under his bangs. "Kagome."

Kagome blinked at the sound of her name. It sounded so foreign yet so…warm. The way her name rolled off his tongue warmed her heart…but that too had to be an illusion, it just had to be. "Just go." why did he look like him…god why was she seeing InuYasha in her living room? This boy…the one who had hid himself from her…the one she was thinking she wanted…he was so familiar. 'Maybe he's…a reincarnation? Is it possible?' she swallowed hard before looking up into a pair of violet eyes. "Please…just go."

The boy swallowed just as hard and took a step towards Kagome, his eyes filling with uncertainty…with trepidation…with emotions that raged from love to anger to betrayal. "Kagome…I'm not leaving. Not with that…" he pointed to the knife then moved his hand to graze her cheek with three fingers. His eyes softened to an extent of near tears as he took a very deep breath, "Kagome…" 'Here goes nothing.'

Kagome pushed his hand away from her cheek and turned her back to him, crossing her arms across her shivering chest. She was shaking in sobs of memories, in sobs of what she had almost done…in sobs of complete submission. "_Get out!_ You don't know what you're walking into. I'm better off dead!"

InuYasha growled and grabbed her shoulder roughly, turning her around to face him, he shook his bangs from his eyes and yelled out, "will you stop fucking saying that, wench! You're giving me a fucking head ache!" he lowered his voice as he watched her face twist into a form of shock, and grappled with his temper. "You are not better off dead. There are a lot of people out there who do deserve to die for shit they did…but not you…it wasn't your fault Kagome…."

Kagome's hands shook at her side as she slowly tired to pull herself from the boy's grip. Sobs raked through her body as she pulled at him, "you don't know…you weren't there! You don't know what I did to him!"

InuYasha grabbed her other shoulder with his other free hand and stared down into her eyes. "You don't know either Kagome…you weren't there!" he stiffened his back as her eyes doubled in size and her tears stopped as serious confusion filtered through her stare. He growled again and looked into her eyes, "I never chose Kikyo, Kagome…I wanted you and only you."

I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long  
Erase all the pain till its gone

Kagome heart skipped a beat…and then another as she stared at the boy in front of her. 'This is a fucking dream…I must have been tripping on acid or something. This boy…this guy is talking like…he knows…I never said…' she licked her lips very slowly, feeling all the color drain from her face. his words echoed through the room in a haunting melody, '_"I never chose Kikyo, Kagome…I wanted you and only you."' _Her stomach rolled over and threatened to regurgitate its lunch on the man in front of her if she didn't say something quick. She blinked again and whispered, "Inu…Yasha?" everything in her line of sight narrowed at the sight of the boy in front of her…at the sight of the man she loved, the man she lost…the man she killed. Everything behind him faded into a blurry mess of colors as she stared at his face. She took a step towards the man in front of her and held out a hand. She brought her fingers to his cheek and with every bone in her body trembling, she let her fingers gently cascade down his wet skin then jumped back, cradling her hand to her chest as if he had burnt her. so many times…so many dreams went much to this effect…except when she reached for him, when she touched him, the dream crumbled down around her into a fiery mess of hellish flame. She suddenly could not breath, it was as if her chest was constricting around her lungs, chocking her of her life. She let out a staggered gasp and felt her knees give out from under her. Then she was in his arms.

InuYasha watched as Kagome nearly fainted…her face was so pale and her body was shaking something horribly. Her knees buckled and he watched her sway with the intent to fall. In a reflex, he reached out and wrapped his arms around her waist to catch her and then on impulse, he dragged her forward and into his chest. He moved one hand from her waist and wrapped it around her frame, hugging her tightly against him. Her body shook in his arms, wracked with sobs and heaving for breath he held her tighter. He felt his knees go out and he slumped to the floor, holding her in his lap not daring to let go. When he found his breath, it was staggered and rasp at best. His words were not well formulated but he needed to comfort her, "Kagome…God Kagome…I'm sorry…I should have come to you earlier, I am so sorry. You almost…you would have…" he tightened his grasp and brought his head down and buried his face in her soaking wet hair. "I'm sorry…."

Kagome let out a deep sigh and found her strength. She wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed louder. 'He's come back…I don't care how but he's come back…he returned to me…god….' She chocked out a sad laugh and pulled her head away from him. She gasped at the sight of the tears that now streamed his face as well and she bit her bottom lip, trying to control her sobbing. "Inu…Yasha…." She shook her head as she sniffed away the congestion that blocked her throat. "How…why…why now?" suddenly it all made sense; lots and lots of sense. He had been watching her…not Kouga…he had been chasing away the suitors and locking her door…. her mouth fell open at that thought and new tears found their way to her eyes. They were not tears of hopelessness or of relief…they were not tears of happiness or tears of sorrow. They were tears of remorse…tears of shame. He had seen what she became. He had seen what her life had regressed to. He knew what she was. She closed her eyes and tried to pull away from his embrace. She couldn't even look him in the face. 'What he must think of me…. God what is going through his head? Why…why would he stay around knowing…knowing what I do…what I've done?'

InuYasha stared down at Kagome as she tried to pull away from him. He reached down with one hand and cupped her chin, forcing her to look back at him. The look in her eyes shocked him. She looked defeated…ashamed. He blinked slowly then let out a small sigh. He traced her skin with his thumb and index finger of the hand that held her chin and gave her the first real smile he had smiled in nearly five centuries, "don't be stupid, Kagome."

As if able to read what she could not say but what her eyes told him, he gave pulled her back into his arms. Cradling her with one arm around her back, the other around her stomach, he rocked her slowly back and forth. He brought his cheek to meet hers and pressed his flesh against hers. "Kagome…we've both been through hell for these past years. I'm alive because my bastard brother thought he knew what was best for my life…and I'm beginning to believe he knows more then I give him credit for." He heard her let out a soft gasp and he pulled away from her face and looked down at her, "I never chose Kikyo, Kagome. I don't know what you heard…I could only imagine…but my promise to protect you outweighed anything I ever promised Kikyo. I found her revenge and gave her peace…but the one girl I swore to protect…the girl I…" he felt his mouth go dry as he looked down at her. He took his hand from her stomach and moved a piece of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry Kagome. I should have been there…I should have gone to you the day you sealed the well. I let this happen to you…I failed…I swore to you and I failed…" he closed his eyes and dropped his chin to his chest. "The day after the fire…back in the Feudal era…when Renkotsu set fire to the temple…and you…you almost….." he closed his eyes and shook his head.

That day had nearly destroyed him…he had almost lost her then yet still…after all of that he had still not been able to tell Kagome how he felt. That was the first day he openly cried in front of the others…it was when he realized what _she_ meant to him. Now…now he was holding her tighter then he held her that day. He held her now with the fear lingering in the back of his mind that if he let her go, she would disappear…slip through his fingers. "Kagome…I…I couldn't say it back then…I was afraid…I was afraid of what you would say…what you would do. I had things I needed to take care of…things that held me back from telling you…." he looked down in to her eyes that pierced his with anxiety etched across her face. "I…God Kagome…it was always you…I love you…God I love you."

I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long  
Erase all the pain till its gone

Kagome gasped at his words and let out a deep sigh of relief…relief from everything that had corrupted her soul for years…that had pulled at her heart and tore at her mind. He was here…he was alive, in her apartment, holding her the way he never had but the way she always wished he would. She was in Inuyasha's arms and life was okay. She closed her eyes at his words and felt everything that had bore down on her shoulder for four years release. Then came the tears. She snapped open her eyes as they poured down her face like the rain outside and she sat up to stare at him. She searched his purple eyes for a hint of foreboding, for a glimmer of uncertainty. 'He can't mean that…it's InuYasha, he would never say…that he…he loves me? He…' she wanted to see him uncertain…nothing she had done in the past four years would allow her to be this lucky. She didn't deserve this…not after what she did to him.

InuYasha recoiled his hands and stared down into Kagome's eyes. With a small smile gracing his handsome features, he pulled the titanium ring from his finger. The hair that was matted to his head and back became striking silver, his eyes that had been so dark with pain lightened to a brilliant topaz. He heard her gasp and he ran a hand carefully down her cheek. "This is why you couldn't tell…why you never knew…."

Kagome gasped as his eyes, the one thing that she was always mesmerized by, shifted from the deep purple to the golden amber that she fell in love with. That cracked her. She threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and pushed her lips against his. The fear she had as a young girl was gone…she had always wanted to do this and it was one of the things she regretted the most. She pressed her lips to him delicately at first; testing the waters…making sure he wasn't going to push her away. This was all she dreamt about for months…for years. Being in his arms…sealed to him in a heartwarming kiss. Passionate…loving…caring…everything she could ever want…everything she could ever need…she found it in him.

I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
Like I'm close to something real  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong

InuYasha was shocked to say the least when Kagome surged forward and kissed him. This is what he had longed for…to find someone who wanted him…someone who loved him for who he was…and he found it in her. he wrapped one arm around her back and the other around her head and took control of the situation. He tilted her head back and deepened the kiss, pushing his lips against hers in a passionate kiss. He reveled in the taste of her…it was addicting and he wanted more. He let his lips caress hers gently at first, growing in the demand as moments passed on. The two were sealed together the way it was meant to be; Together. He let his tongue dart out of his mouth and trace her lips that he captured with his. She let out a small gasp and he took the opportunity to let his tongue dart into her mouth. Her body pulsed against his as he let his tongue trace the inside of her mouth, tasting everything she had to offer. Her love…her passion…everything he knew she was and everything he wanted. She was what he had longed for. God how he loved her. Slowly he pulled back and let out a deep breath, his heart hammering on the inside of his chest.

Kagome kept her eyes closed, even after he pulled away. The taste was to fresh on her lips to keep from savoring…the feel of his hands on her made her blood boil under her skin. She let out a quiet whimper at the sudden loss of his lips and slowly opened her eyes. She was forgetting to breath, she realized as she let out a deep cough. She inhaled deeply then let it out, her hands still shaking at her sides. She realized though she had yet to respond to him. "I love you too…I've always loved you. From the first day I met you…it was always you."

InuYasha smiled gratefully and pulled her back into his chest. "I'm sorry Kagome."

Kagome nuzzled her cheek to his chest as the words assailed her ears. She pulled away and gave him a sad smile. "You have nothing to be sorry for InuYasha. I…I made the mistake. I ruined everything…I got you…" she bit her lip to try to keep herself from crying. "Don't apologize…the fault was my own."

InuYasha tightened his grip on her and stared down at her. "No, Kagome. I shouldn't have been such a baka…I should have…I should have told you. It was my fault…I never should have left the battle that day with Kikyo…I should have told you how I felt. That should have been the first thing…"

Kagome watched his lips as he spewed out a faulty confession of love and his tale of how wrong he had been. She shook her head slowly, her eyes falling to his neck and to the red beads that glistened on it. A small smile fell to her face as she traced his cheek with her fingers then let her digits streak down his neck to finger the beads gently. He didn't notice…he was too enraptured in his own confession. She looked up at him and a small smile graced her face. "InuYasha…stop…it's my fault."

InuYasha didn't even hear her; he was so caught up in everything that spewed from his lips. "Kagome…I should have told you. I knew for so long and yet I still avoided it…pushed it away. I'm sorry…"

Kagome pulled away from his grasp and scooted backwards along the floor until she cleared the distance between them. "InuYasha."

InuYasha paused, the sound of her voice ringing in his ears. He knew it so well…he had heard it so many times. He looked up and realized for the first time that she was not in his arms but sitting a few feet away from him, mischief glimmering in her eyes. He tilted his head and opened his mouth to ask what was going on. Then he heard it. The word he had loathed for so long. The word that he still dreamt about that made him wake up in a cold sweats in the middle of the night.

"Oswari!"

He had never been happier to be slammed face first into the floor in his life.

I will never know  
Myself until I do this on my own  
And I will never feel  
Anything else, until my wounds are healed

Kagome carried two cups of hot chocolate to the wet hanyou that sat as piously on her couch, staring at her from under his mess of bangs. They had talked…and talked…and kissed…then talked some more until they realized that they were one, shivering, and two soaking wet. She loaned InuYasha a baggy sweatshirt she had for her hang over days and a pair of sweats while she dried his clothes for him and had offered to dry his hair…that led to him shaking his head to rid himself of the water and soaking her bathroom walls. She had sat him twice and then forced him onto the couch while she made hot chocolate. Her eyes laced with his and she gave him a small smile before sitting next to him, offering him a cup. "Be careful, InuYasha, it's hot." She felt the grin on her face widen at the words that slipped from her mouth. 'He's really here…I'm not strung out or drunk…he's sitting here, on my couch, wearing my clothes…' she paused then chuckled at that thought. He had filled out over the years she hadn't seen him…his shoulders were broader and his chest more firm, and she didn't doubt for a moment that it was pure muscle. Somehow though he still fit into her clothes.

InuYasha shot her a playful pout as he took the cup of steaming liquid. "Kagome, I've had coffee before…I've had lattes before…fuck, I've had everything under the sun before…you don't need to warn me. This is my time to now, you know?"

Kagome frowned and reached for the cup, "well if you're going to be that way about it…"

InuYasha lifted the cup out of her reach and playfully slapped away her hand. "Sneaky wench, you can't take it back now."

Kagome put her coco down on the coffee table and lunged at the hanyou. Luckily for him, he wasn't as clumsy as he used to be. Putting one hand out to stop her descent, and used his balancing reflexes to place the cup on the end table next to the couch. As soon as the ceramic touched the glass surface, he wrapped one arm around Kagome's waist and flipped her over, effectively pinning her beneath him. He stared into her mocha brown eyes for a moment, reading her soul, wordlessly pledging his undying love for her and her alone. Then he tickled her. Starting off soft, with one hand holding down her wrists and her body pinned under his body weight, he let his right hand shift to her hip and begin tickling her flesh. Her abrupt fits of laughter filled the apartment for the first time as he sped up the attack, letting go of her hands to double his method.

Kagome couldn't breath she was laughing so hard as she squirmed beneath the hanyou's unrelenting bombardment. She threw her head back and roared in laugher. The roar abruptly changed to a gasp then a moan as she felt his lips graze her neck then latch onto her pulse. His hands calmed at her hips, resting on the bones, as he gently nipped and sucked at the flesh. Her hands shot up and entangled themselves in his silver tresses, moaning and sighing under his affection.

InuYasha couldn't help himself. When she bared her throat to him, instinct took over and soon he found himself submitting to his desires. If her wiggling about beneath him hadn't turned him on enough, this sure as hell sealed the deal. His tongue traced over the side of her neck then down her jawbone, intervening with butterfly kisses over her cheeks and forehead. He found her lips after torturing her face and sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, tracing the muscle with his tongue. 'Kami, does she taste wonderful! How did I live without this? How did I stand by without ever tasting this…without ever indulging in her? She would have let me…even then…four years ago…she loved me. She would have followed me to hell had I asked her to.' his heart rapped against his chest as he nuzzled her cheek with his nose. 'She's mine…she will always be with me.' he breathed in her scent as it changed from his innocent Kagome to an aroused and desiring love. He stared down at her face, backing away to look over the angel below him. He gently moved some stray strands of hair from her face and stuck them behind her ear with one claw. 'How did I live without her? Five hundred years I survived…how? How did I do it? I forgot what this felt like…to touch her…to be near her. Fuck, being in the same room as her changes me. What was I without her?' he knew the answer, it had been what had kept him awake for five centuries; without her, he was nothing.

I will never be anything  
till I break away from me  
I will break away  
I'll find myself today

Kagome stared into the amber eyes that she had longed to see for four years...that she saw in every dream…in every moment of the day when she would dare to look in the mirror. It was always him…he was all she thought about. Now they were reunited…the way life was meant to be. She leaned up towards his face, realizing he was just about gawking at her, and pressed her lips lightly against his. With a grin, she lashed out one hand and tickled his ribs. She never knew if he was ticklish…it was one thing she was always curious about back four years…five hundred and four years…whatever…ago. Well, she got her answer. He nearly jumped out of his skin when her hand brushed against his ribs and he fell off the couch with a loud yelp. Unfortunately for Kagome, in a matter of seconds, she followed behind him, his grasp on her right wrist tightening and vowing to make her suffer the same fate. Her upside was that she didn't land on the hard wood floor…she landed on him. She stared in shock for a moment at her ceiling that was now above her before breaking into a fit of laughter. She sat up, backwardly straddling his lap, and laughed until she was blue in the face. She could only imagine the cross pout on the hanyou's face, which only made her laugh more. His hands on her hips alerted her to his annoyance with the current arrangement. Then he did something she never would have though InuYasha to do. Holding onto her hips, he grinded his pelvis upward against her own, creating a demanding friction between the two star crossed lovers. Kagome gasped and quickly turned to stare over her right shoulder at the hanyou in sheer shock.

InuYasha gave Kagome a wide smirk then repeated the action with a slight growl. He was repaid by a loud moan from the girl, who quickly slapped a hand over her mouth. InuYasha smiled and sat up, her back now against his chest, and draped his arms over her shoulders, pulling her back towards him. He put one hand on her head and tilted it to his right shoulder before sinking in lips onto the exposed flesh. Sucking at her pulse again, he let his free hand run down the opposite side of her neck, down her collarbone, between the valley of her breasts, over her stomach, down her abdomen, between her legs and down the back of her thigh. She let out a ragged lust filled sigh before inhaling sharply as his hand retraced the same path backwards, making its way from her thigh to her neck. He was becoming steadily intoxicated by her scent, which was growing in leaps and bounds, begging for him to claim her.

Kagome groaned as his hands found their way to her breasts, kneading her through the thin material of her blouse. Her eyes snapped open as she shook away his hands and pulled away from his mouth regretfully. "InuYasha…" she couldn't believe how breathy his name came from her mouth, almost possessed by complete lust. She blinked and shook her head, turning to look at him face to face. She cupped his hands and swallowed hard. To sleep with a man she did not know had been easy…to do the thing she had done without thought was fine. Yet this was InuYasha…this was her love. She would be damned if it were to be this abrupt…on her living room floor…soaking wet. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips against his, "I…I need…"

InuYasha raised an eyebrow suggestively at her and leaned forward, staring deep into her eyes. "What do you need Kagome? Tell me…"

She snapped open her eyes and flashed him a smile, "I need a shower."

I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long  
Erase all the pain till it's gone

Kagome stood without looking him in the face, and turned on her heels, walking down the hallway towards her bathroom. She entered into the room and left the door ajar before turning on the shower. She was freezing yet burning up…her body felt like it was on fire yet her hands and feet felt like blocks of ice. Her vision was star filled and foggy, her heart hammering away in her chest. She needed a shower…she needed him…she needed him with her in the shower? She shook her head and disrobed before stepping into the shower. She let the hot water flow over her, meeting it head on with her face tilted towards the showerhead. She closed her eyes and put two hands on the wall of the shower, letting the water flow over her face and wash away the past four years of sin and guilt. She turned slowly to close the glass doors of the shower but a hand reached out and blocked the track. Her eyes opened slowly to be reunited with two love-filled golden puddles of beauty. They dared her to open herself to him…dared her to try to shut him out of her life. She backed away and he joined her in the steamy ceramic tub. Within moments, two bodies became one…echoes of undying love and devotion filled the small room, declaring in one voice their vows of forever. Nothing would break the bonds that they created between their hearts…a love that had transcended five centuries…a love that flourished in the darkest part of the nights. Growls and groans, moans and screams…no one could ever repute the devotion of the couple…no one would ever question in.

I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
Like Im close to something real  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong

Kagome stood with InuYasha outside of the luxury apartment on in uptown Manhattan as she twiddled her thumbs nervously. Licking her lips unconsciously, she followed behind her lover into the grand scale apartment complex. Up to the penthouse the elevator shot in mere minutes, the entire time Kagome fidgeting and InuYasha scowling. Kagome stole a few glances at her lover, and then shifted uncomfortably. Sesshoumaru was Inuyasha's only family…sure she had known him before…but then again, he had also tried to kill her before…twice. Granted, he had also saved her life…twice. Were they even? Regardless…she was now the one responsible for the centuries of pain, for Inuyasha's untimely death that she did owe Sesshoumaru for saving him from. What would she say to him? 'Hi, I'm the girl who abandoned your brother cause I thought he was a baka and caused him to suffer in your care for five hundred years. Sorry.' She scoffed and shifted her weight.

InuYasha rolled his eyes and glared at the girl next to him, his silver hair mixing with hers, as they stood so close. "Damnit Kagome, stop fidgeting. It's only Sesshoumaru."

Kagome bit her bottom lip and stared at InuYasha from under her long eyelashes, "that's just it…it's Sesshoumaru…lord of the western lands Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru who own half of this fucking city Sesshoumaru."

InuYasha laughed with a smirk engrained on his face, "if you're going to be nervous, be nervous for the fact that I haven't been to work in the past three days…"

Kagome's eyes widened as she shook her head ruefully, "Gomen InuYasha…we shouldn't have…"

The doors chimed open as InuYasha grabbed the girls shoulders, "I've told you once Kagome, don't…" he reached out and stuck his right foot in the elevator door track to keep the doors from closing. Keeping the glare steady on her mocha brown eyes, he walked backwards, pulling her from the elevator, "apologize…just stop. It's not your fault that we…well…that is I have a insatiable stamina…." He gave her a cocky smile right before he backed into a person. He jumped nearly a mile high, his face blanching thinking he had just voiced that in front of his brother. The truth was more shocking. He heard Kagome gasp as his jaw slacked open.

Standing in front of the pair as a middle aged woman…or at least she seemed to be. Her midnight black hair was carefully held in a bun on the back of her head, two ruby claps securing it with two feathers securing it on either side as well. Her fake blue eyes shined their natural iridescent ruby red in the artificial light. Though she was dressed in a long black skirt and a red silk cowl, the lovers could easily remember her red and white kimono that she had always worn centuries before hand.

InuYasha just about growled at her, but what stopped him was her scent. It wasn't the scent of that vile demon she had once been a part of…no; it was different, refreshing almost. He sneered as he crossed his arms slowly, "So…Kagura…it's been a while, hasn't it?"

The wind goddess shifted her gaze from InuYasha to Kagome then back to InuYasha. "Yes, it has, hasn't it? I trust you are both…good?"

InuYasha could see the corner of her mouth twist upward in a smirk as she swayed slowly back and forth, reading the past three days transgressions on the scent of the two. He scoffed once and tilted his chin towards her, "what the hell are you doing here?"

Kagome coughed and elbowed him gently in the ribs. "InuYasha…be nice…"

Kagura laughed with a small smile gracing her red lips and shook her head slowly, "I had business I had to attend to."

InuYasha nearly gagged at the following interactions.

An arm shot out from behind Kagura and wrapped around her waist. A small measure of shock followed by a small smile of content graced the female Youkai's face as she was pulled into a rock solid chest. She turned and rested her right hand on the same chest, and stared into the handsome face of the man towering above her. a cool even toned voice called out, "so I am now considered business? Is that not a banned profession, Kagura?"

InuYasha took a step back; his synopsizes all nearly frying at the same time. "Whoa…tell me you're fucking kidding…" he sniffed the air and made a face, "dear god, Fluffy…what did you do?"

Sesshoumaru wrapped his other arm around Kagura's waist and stared at the hanyou. His eyes flashed towards Kagome then back to InuYasha holding a strange glint of registered shock. "I could ask you the same."

Kagome felt her cheeks redden at the remark and she gave the demon lord a short wave. "Hi Sesshoumaru-sama." She looked to the demon that had attempted, and nearly succeeded, in killing her and her friends hundreds of times over with very little resentment. Hell, if Sesshoumaru had changed in all these years, why couldn't Kagura. She gave the woman a short bow, "Kagura."

Sesshoumaru shocked Kagome by giving her a faint smile then nearly knocked both the teens off their feet by bending down and kissing Kagura's forehead. "You have work to get to," he murmured in her ear.

Kagura looked at his hands then back to his face, "it seems I am not keeping myself from it…"

Sesshoumaru's eyes glazed over for a moment in passion, yet the emotion was gone as quick as it came, as he let go of the demon. He nodded once at her as she gave two short nods of her head towards the other two visitors then took her leave in the elevator.

Only after the doors were sealed, did InuYasha blurt out, "what the fuck was that all about? When the hell did Kagura come into the picture?"

Sesshoumaru stared at InuYasha for a moment before walking back into the apartment, "about ten months ago."

InuYasha paused then ran a hand over his face, shaking his head slowly. He linked hands with Kagome and gave her a small smile; "there are some things I just don't understand…like bastards for one." He flashed Sesshoumaru an arrogant smirk then ducked under the book that was flung at his head with a yelp.

I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong

Kagome stood, hands linked with InuYasha in his human form, outside of a contemporary white house. Purple and blue pansies lined the cobblestone walkway that leads from the cobblestone driveway. Kagome shifted on her feet, her eyebrows creased in concern as she regarded the house that she hardly knew. 'What are they going to say? What am I going to say? Hi…I'm sorry?' she swallowed hard and looked to the black haired savior next to her. "I'm scared."

InuYasha squeezed her hand and stared down into her brown eyes. He frowned at the near tears that welled in the girl's eyes and pulled her into his chest. "Kagome…don't be. I understand…and honestly I'm a little scared too…but it's okay. We'll get through this…"

Kagome swallowed hard and let out a disgruntled sigh as they took two steps towards the three steps. She pulled back and looked to the ground, "I don't think I can…"

InuYasha grabbed both of her hands, carefully avoiding nicking himself again on the two-carrot diamond ring on her left ring finger, and looked deep into her eyes. "Hey…you can do anything. You're Kagome, time traveler extraordinaire."

Kagome laughed shallowly and bit her bottom lip, a habit she had formed over the past month. It started the day at Sesshoumaru's apartment…then continued on her first day of work as executive assistant at Tashio Industries…and it overwhelmed her the night that InuYasha had taken her to Rockefeller center and proposed on the ice, under the great big Christmas tree. Now it was a habit…one that she needed to break before she chewed off her lip. "I…"

InuYasha shook his head and pointed towards the wooden door. "Knock or I will."

Kagome slowly trudged up the steps and smoothed out her skirt, her shoulder length one colored black hair lying loosely against her pale face contrasting her white blouse beautifully. She reached out and gingerly pressed the chime. She grimaced as the sound rattled through the house and held her breath. Her face blanched and she turned on her heels. "I can't…it's been to long. They must hate me…"

InuYasha grabbed the girl's shoulders and turned her back around while wrapping one arm around her waist. "You can do this…come on."

The door opened slowly, just as InuYasha thought Kagome was going to try to escape again, and a familiar face graced the hallway. "Can I…." the woman paused, her eyes widening, the pot that she had been drying in her hands clanging noisily to the floor and echoing in the quiet house like a gunshot.

A faint cry was heard next to him and before InuYasha realized what happened, Kagome ripped herself from his grasp and threw herself into the woman in front of herm.

"Mama! Oh mama…."

The woman seemed completely shocked for a moment before reducing to a mess of tears to match her daughter's wails, wrapping both arms around her long missing daughter. "Kagome!"

The two stood in the doorway for a half hour, embracing and crying into each other's arms. The scene was almost nostalgic to InuYasha, as he sat back and watched the raw show of emotions from the two women. After what seemed like an eternity, Kagome pulled back and began blubbering, "I'm sorry…mama…I'm so sorry. I was so stupid and so selfish…I realize that now. I'm sorry…"

Ms. Higurashi put a finger to her daughters lips and hugged her again, wiping tears from her cheeks, "don't Kagome…It's okay…you're back, that is what matters. Let me look at you…" she pulled back and looked Kagome over until her eyes fell upon the rock on her finger. She slowly lifted her daughter's hand and stared at the rock before setting her eyes on the black haired individual she had completely missed standing there. "Oh…I am so sorry. How rude of me…" she looked back at the rock, a smile beaming over her face, "oh Kagome…" she opened the door and followed the pair into her living room.

Kagome glanced about the house, taking in the sights she had never seen before. 'She's lived here for three years and I've been here once…one time.' she shook her head before realizing her mother was talking to her. "N…nani? I'm sorry mama, what did you say?"

Kagome's mother eyed up the man next to her daughter and smiled. "So…when is the wedding?" she looked back to the kitchen and smiled, "would you like a drink?"

Kagome held up a hand and shook her head, "I'm okay. Uh…" her eyes linked with the purple eyes of her fiancé as she searched for the right words. "Mama…you…this is hard to explain…you see…this is…"

Kagome's mother smiled and looked to the man, efficiently cutting off her daughter from speaking. "How about you, InuYasha, would you like a drink or maybe some ramen?"

The two stared at her mother dumbfounded, their jaws just about reaching the ground.

Kagome's mother tapped the hanyou on the nose, then her daughter as well, "a mother's intuition is always right. Now I know you two are staying for dinner…Souta is going to be home from school tonight and grandpa will love the company. Besides, I do believe you two have a long story to tell me."

I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong

The door to the room nearly shattered off its hinges at InuYasha kicked at it, his hands to busy holding the angel dressed in ivory satin. She hardly protested as he put his lips against hers, stepping over the boundary of this uncharted land. The living room of the spacious house was devoid of any furniture…the only room with anything in it was the bedroom. He carried her down the empty hallway to that very room…which was illuminated by a hundred candles, with a king sized canopy bed in the middle covered in red and pink rose pedals. He laid her down on it gently, finally breaking their kiss to throw off his tux coat and remove his bowtie. He grinned at the girl as he pulled Tetsusaiga off his waist, the only thing that she would allow him to keep from his century in the wedding, and lay down next to her. Staring into her eyes, the flames of love burned more passionately then the wicks of the candles in the room. He traced her lips with his, murmuring sweet nothings as he passed over the delicate skin. "I love you so much."

Kagome kissed his lips as they traced hers, letting her tongue dance across his soft skin. "I love you too, Mr. Tashio."

Inuyasha's mouth curled into a smile as he pressed his nose against hers, "that's good to know, Mrs. Tashio." He then captured her in a toe-curling kiss, one that was meant to be theirs…one that was meant to happen years before hand. But that no longer mattered…they were together…they were mates, lovers, beings entwined together throughout eternity in a bond that would never break. Nothing would ever tear that apart again…not war nor famine, misunderstandings or parenthood. Not even death.

Somewhere I belong

The End

-I think…..i think I'm going to cry. -) Yay for happy endings!


End file.
